11 thoughts on “Kids Who Need Their External World to Match Their Internal Chaos

  • July 25, 2019 at 10:34 am

    So enlightening! So how do you help/cope with a child who is stuck at an emotional developmental level?

    • August 18, 2019 at 1:41 pm

      Look into neurofeedback especially NeurOptimal, it is non invasive, you can rent or buy a system and use it at home. I bought a system after seeing how helpful it was for my child and after using it for myself I decided to become a trainer, this is one area where we often see huge transformations with NeurOptimal training – as the Central Nervous System gets a chance to observe its own “stuckness” and choose a different path, the individual is able to settle into a calmer more relaxed and healthy state.

  • July 25, 2019 at 11:30 pm

    Wow! This sounds so much like my 11 year old. I’ve been dealing with these behaviors for as long as he’s been in my home (beginning st 10 months old!) I just want to help him thrive and absolutely nothing has worked long term.

  • July 27, 2019 at 12:40 pm

    Well this explains an awful lot about some of the decisions I’ve made throughout my life. I guess it’s time to get a brain map made to figure out what exactly needs healing in there. Analysis and Contemplation will only get us so far if we don’t know what to focus on.

  • July 29, 2019 at 10:46 am

    I grew up with a binge alcholic father. Never knowing when the next binge would come leaves me with a constant feeling of waiting for the next shoe to fall. I’m 70 yrs. old.

  • July 30, 2019 at 6:43 am

    Very interesting…Not going into my way back childhood horror story…But it has left me with psychological issues which I now realise are triple and while one medication helps with one condition its apparently antipathetic to another, so I’ve had to step back and assess the wheres and whys and accept the overall aspect of my psychology in as much as I’m functioning with a reasonable amount of spontaneity, but hardly in the way society expects of an older person.
    Recently I decided that the sedation of my PTSD seemed to be masking something else which has common behavioural factors, but with subtle differences relating to attention deficit and dyslexia.
    I’ve resisted the Oh poor me, because in a way its been a very positive discovery, and has allowed me to stop a lot of major self criticism, as there is now an additional causation factor, hidden up to now.
    As it turns out through study, my mercurial scatter brain ADHD like ways can be slightly reined in when I’m not beating myself up for failing to achieve something which wasn’t possible in the first place, so while it appears I’ve had to lower the bar, its not really the case.
    Self acceptance and teaching myself to be a little more organised in bite sized chunks has already reduced a lot of the anger issues I had with myself so thats energy which can now be used for other things.
    Small steps to eventually achieve a reasonable degree of self management and self esteem, and with it calmness and a peace of mind…No need to be perfect when I never was…
    Ok was good enough for Peter Pan, wasn’t it?

  • July 30, 2019 at 1:31 pm

    Alright, on one hand this sounds enlightening, but on the other it sounds incredibly judgmental. If you decide that a five-year-old girl might ‘never’ change, you’re going to unconsciously create an environment where YOU believe she’ll never change, then every time she looks to you she’ll be crushed by the lack of doubt you have in her. I mean, you’re talking about a traumatised five year old. What right do you have to write a child off at that age? Or to even THINK it? Kids are so resilient… *except* when nobody believes in them.

    It’s taken me decades of hard work to start to overcome the abuse of my childhood. I only began to do it with someone who supported me unconditionally and saw the trauma without taking a supercilious attitude or expecting me to recover in a convenient timeframe. Emphasising how much you love a kid is disingenuous when you hold the attitude that they might never get better. There’s a fuzzy zone between wisdom and condescension, and from the moment you step into it you become just another person who has contributed to that child’s eventual outcome.

    Besides, it’s not your job to ‘fix’ a traumatised child. It isn’t a five-year-old’s job to fix herself in a manner that feeds into your personal rescuer complex. The greatest burden of any trauma survivor — especially children and teenagers — is that overwhelming pressure of fixing ourselves. Every drop of social pressure is for us to ‘overcome’ our difficulties and become the poster child for middle class normalcy. It’s perfectly possible, eventually — I’ve managed it after a few decades — but the expectation and repeated sense of ‘failing’ and disappointing everyone on the way just adds to the sense of persistent trauma. The pressure to recover makes us feel like love is conditional on us being good, and since abuse made us believe we were bad, this almost guarantees we won’t.

    Just… don’t be that person.

    • August 1, 2019 at 12:28 am

      Agree! Maybe don’t get your hopes up for being a poster family, but don’t abandon the growth mindset altogether. Keep trying, don’t give up on your child.

  • August 6, 2019 at 1:13 pm

    You write about a boy who “recently his brain was ‘mapped’ by a group of people who could look at how old his brain was in certain areas. They learned that his brain was stuck at the developmental level of a three-year-old in the areas that control behavior and emotion, which makes him unable to respond to many of the treatments they’ve tried with him.” What kind of specialist did this? I think it would be beneficial do have this done for one of my guys.

  • August 16, 2019 at 6:44 am

    Then I guess you have to work on the internal world they are using as a Schema to mold the outer world… The inner reality is based on Thoughts, Emotions, Attitudes, Beliefs, Consideration, Opinions, Conclusions, etc…and it comes out as outward actions…Behavior… They are operating out of internal Images, which were implanted, imprinted, and embedded, because of Contact, Exposure, Involvement, and Influence, of their experiences… It is based and driven by what is called…. Emotional Charge… Charge, or Energy Loads, are also in other things.
    So…if they are in chaos internally, they manifest that to the world…they have no other way to express the emotional charge, except in actions.
    I would add more positive experiences, and let them see that the world can offer them the positive emotions and experiences…but I would also teach them about emotions, and teach a technique that stops and discharges negative emotional charge…. I just happen to have one…. I am an Emotional Researcher…I also have emotional problems…the technique is my emotional regulator… missing Thyroid.
    I stop Fits and Tantrums.
    Panic episodes
    PTSD, shot nerves,
    and my suicidality…
    And many other things… some physical, and some even psychological.
    All with the same technique…because all of these things are a CHARGE… and the technique works on Charge itself…not only Emotional Charge…
    It is based on Psychology and Emotional Research of the past 130… Freud and Breuer ran into it a lot… Studies On Hysteria…is full of emotionally charged episodes… Shock and Fright are common things they ran into…the technique works well on Shock…and Fright… I have Hysteria episodes at times… I stop them with the technique…
    If anyone is interested in information about my emotional work… my blog: just go down the page…start with “how energy affects us”… Emotions… are Energy in Motion… that is what is INSIDE THAT KID being expressed to that outside…behavior is a symptom of Emotional Charge… https://hnc-today.weebly.com
    If there are any questions… my email address is on the blog page.
    Best Wishes from a researcher who has the problems… and stops them.

  • August 16, 2019 at 6:48 am

    Abuse, Trauma, neglect… are emotional… it was Introjected by the experience… in is the injection of ENERGY from the outside… the actions of the Trauma… Traumatized State… they are acting out…and out of, their pain and turmoil…This is emotional charge at work… we target the emotions, the shock, the traumatic charge…and this reduces…it is the charge making them act this way…


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