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Why Holding On is Harder Than Letting Go

Love is powerful. It makes us feel and do things we wouldn’t normally do, and sometimes stay in relationships longer than we should.

When you’re in love with someone, it’s hard to make a decision because emotions tend to cloud your judgement. Trust me, I’ve been there. When I’m unsure whether to stay in a relationship or walk away, I ask myself these two questions: “Do I like who I am when I’m with him? Am I happy more often than unhappy?”

When you’re in a healthy relationship, it brings out the best version of yourself. You feel safe, secure and happy. If you’re having doubts and your intuition is telling you something is off, listen to it. It’s usually right on. Even if you decide to walk away for the time being, it will give you clarity on the situation. Space really does help.

The real reason so many people feel devastated when a relationship ends is not because they actually miss the other person, but because they gave away so much of themselves in that relationship. You know you want more than your partner is giving you and made the brave (not easy) decision to leave.

It’s only when you truly believe you are better off without this person in your life, that you will start to heal. Because it doesn’t matter how many times your friends and family say he (or she) wasn’t right for you; ultimately, YOU have to recognize that. The best advice I can give you is this: Think about how unhappy you were in that relationship. That in itself, is a sign he (or she) wasn’t the one for you. You deserve to be with someone who brings out the best in you. Someone who makes you feel happy, loved, and supported. That person is out there. You just have to open yourself up to new possibilities.

Just keep reminding yourself of the big picture and trust that you are on the right track. Even though you are hurting in this moment, you are now closer to finding happiness than when you were stuck in an unhealthy relationship. Healing takes time, so be patient with yourself.

Remember, strength is measured not by holding on, but by letting go. Most importantly, when you feel sad or start missing that person, remember you are stronger than the pain. Believe you will get through it and be happy again.

Why Holding On is Harder Than Letting Go

Kaitlin Vogel

From covering health and wellness content to neuroscience to relationships and dating advice, I’m committed to creating content that matters. My goal is for readers to walk away feeling empowered and motivated – whether it’s to pursue their dream job, strengthen the connection with their partner, or follow mindfulness strategies to relieve stress and anxiety.

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APA Reference
Vogel, K. (2018). Why Holding On is Harder Than Letting Go. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 24, 2020, from


Last updated: 4 Mar 2018
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