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The Secret To Becoming Rejection-Proof

I’m not going to sugar coat it – rejection sucks. It can do a number on your self-esteem and bruise your ego…big time.

But we need to remember that rejection happens to everyone. It doesn’t matter who you are. Think about it: There are times where we have rejected great people and times when we’ve let go of a good thing. Just because someone is “a catch” doesn’t mean they are necessarily right for us.

Photo courtesy of Shannon Vogel

The real reason we get so devastated by rejection is because it’s confirming our worst beliefs about ourselves. Their choice to let you go and not choose you confirms beliefs like “I’m unworthy” and “I’m not good enough.”

It’s human nature to want to be liked and accepted. Here’s the thing though—there are many people who aren’t going to want us and vice versa. Not everyone is a good match for us and that’s a basic fact of life. The sooner we can accept rejection as inevitable, the sooner we can stop letting every dating disappointment cripple us.

So why do we take rejection so personally? Especially so early in the dating process? Do we honestly expect everyone to love us?

The sad truth is that as long we hold on to the false belief that we’re not good enough, we will continue to fear rejection. It’s this fear that makes us self-sabotage. When we worry about being rejected we go into self-protection mode, and put our guard up to avoid getting hurt – which means we start dating with our egos instead of our hearts. Our egos are blinding us to what’s really important and what we should actually be searching for in a potential partner. Worst of all, it’s stopping us from connecting with people in a deep and meaningful way and ultimately, preventing us from having the relationship we’ve always wanted.

Ask yourself: What’s worse: rejection or regret? What are you more afraid of? Picturing the rest of your life fearful of putting yourself out there, isn’t just a scary thought; it’s a tragedy.

When we’re young, we feel like we have the luxury of time to waste, but it’s a false luxury. Life is short, and let’s face it: none of us know how much time we actually have – which is why we have to make each moment count.

Anytime you start to feel the fear and self-doubt creeping in, remind yourself:

No rejection is more painful than the regret you will feel of time wasted and opportunities lost.

 I believe dating is a true test of character. Every time you take a leap of faith, let yourself fall in love and open yourself up to getting hurt, be proud of yourself. Even if it ends, you put yourself out there, which is more than a lot of people can say. Most importantly, you will be able to face challenges in your life with more grace and strength compared to those who were too afraid to take risks.

Despite what dating advice and “rules” you’ve heard, dating isn’t about the chase or the challenge, and it’s not about games. It’s about mutual respect, compatibility, and sharing the same values. We have to stop giving rejection so much power. Seriously. Not everyone is going to like you and you aren’t going to like everyone. The sooner you can accept that, the sooner you can stop wasting time obsessing, overanalyzing and driving yourself crazy.

If you let every experience cripple you, you’re wasting time. I’m not saying that after a breakup you aren’t allowed to feel pain and grieve. I’m talking about the guy you went on one date with who didn’t call you after. Don’t waste your mental energy pining away for that guy. There’s someone even better for you out there. Most importantly, never lose sight of the fact that the right person is the person who also chooses you.

 

The Secret To Becoming Rejection-Proof

Kaitlin Vogel

From covering health and wellness content to neuroscience to relationships and dating advice, I’m committed to creating content that matters. My goal is for readers to walk away feeling empowered and motivated – whether it’s to pursue their dream job, strengthen the connection with their partner, or follow mindfulness strategies to relieve stress and anxiety.


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APA Reference
Vogel, K. (2018). The Secret To Becoming Rejection-Proof. Psych Central. Retrieved on August 17, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/change-your-mind/2018/01/the-secret-to-becoming-rejection-proof/

 

Last updated: 20 Feb 2018
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 20 Feb 2018
Published on PsychCentral.com. All rights reserved.