Fans of The Bachelorette and Bachelor in Paradise are probably very familiar with Josh Murray. He first appeared on Andi Dorfman’s season and, to many people’s shock (including my own), she chose him above Nick Viall.

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There were a few red flags, in my opinion, associated with his behavior over the course of the season. The semi-professional baseball player seemed very aggressive in his interactions with some of the other men in the house. He appeared to be hiding things about his personal life. He refused to give Andi permission to read the results of the lie detector test given to all of the men during one date. The list goes on and on…

It wasn’t a surprise, therefore, when the pair broke up after the show had wrapped. In her tell-all book, It’s Not Okay: Turning Heartbreak Into Happily Never After, Dorfman, alleged that Murray had been very controlling and emotionally abusive in their relationship. Of course, he denies this.

When he appeared on Bachelor in Paradise last summer, he set his eyes on single mother, Amanda Stanton. Widely known as a sweetheart, some have described Stanton as naïve and overly trusting. As a result, many of the other contestants tried to protect her by letting her know what Dorfman had said and by calling out odd behavior as it happened.

Unfortunately, Stanton chose to believe in Murray and it turned her life upside down. Her ex fought her for more custody after saying that her new lifestyle was “causing harm” to their daughters. Formerly known as an extremely doting and attentive mother, Stanton was accused of being negligent. When the relationship ended bitterly, she described Murray as (shocker!) “extremely controlling.” Isn’t that exactly what other people warned her about?

Murray recently sat down with Steve Harvey and said: “In this relationship, I definitely take fault for continuing something and not being happy, when I know I should walk away… I may have made mistakes before, and being passive aggressive with a tweet or saying something, but I don’t like airing my dirty laundry… I feel hopeless. People are judging me based on what others are saying, so I don’t know what to do or how to handle it.”

Has he not seen any seasons of The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Bachelor Pad, or Bachelor in Paradise? Everything is made public – even the sex – because it’s a reality television show. To be fair, he may not have realized how intense it was before actually participating but then he did The Bachelorette. By the time he went on Bachelor in Paradise he had to have a good idea of how everything works…

Either way, let’s hope that everyone can put this all behind them and we can all move on. Let’s give Josh Murray the privacy he deserves so that he can go back to a life of anonymity.