NEW YORK - OCTOBER 21: Chris Martin of Coldplay performs live foEnding a marriage is an emotional decision for anyone, even celebrities. A big part of the struggle is accepting the fact that something that you once thought held so much promise is now over or ending and it can feel like a massive failure. It’s usually far more complicated than that but, when you get down to the very basics, most people who have gone through a split spend time wondering what went wrong and whether it was their own fault.

Coldplay is one of the most successful bands in the world and lead singer, Chris Martin, has passionately performed some of the most heartwrenching songs for fans around the world. It must have been difficult, therefore, for him to continue on while he was going through such a rough period in his own life.

When he first married actress, Gwyneth Paltrow, some people were surprised by the romance but, after they welcomed their children, Apple and Moses, and found another couple (Jay-Z and Beyoncé) to hang out with, they just seemed like any other couple. It almost felt like, as soon as we all got comfortable with this union, it was ending. Maybe that’s how Martin felt too since he recently revealed that the “conscious uncoupling” left him in a state of depression for a year.

Meaningful Poem

In the aftermath of their announcement, Martin struggled to find happiness. Again, this isn’t unusual for recently divorced men and women. In an effort to regain some equilibrium, he threw himself into literature of all kinds. From a psychotherapeutic manual written by Viktor Frankl to Holocaust memoir, Man’s Search for Meaning, Martin scoured for something that would make sense in the midst of his grief. He came across a poem titled The Guest House which was written by 13th century Persian poet, Rumi. It made an impact.

“That one Rumi poem changes everything,” Martin explained. “It says that even when you’re unhappy, it’s good for you. I was like, ‘What?!’ It took me about a year to get it — a year of depression and all that. I still wake up down a lot of days, but now I feel like I’ve been given the tools to turn it around. You can come at it very aggressively and blame and blame or you can put yourself in the garage, so to speak, take yourself apart and clean off the bits, reassemble.”

Indeed, many people who have gone through a painful period in their lives can relate to feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom and the only thing you can do, from that point, is put yourself back together. Like John Mayer says in one of his songs, “I’m in repair. I’m not together but I’m getting there.”

Outlook After Split

Getting to the other side of a divorce usually requires a huge shift in thinking about the relationship. Rather than dwelling on what didn’t work out, we must begin to look at what can be, especially when children are involved. The focus becomes about building a healthy partnership. It sounds like Martin has already figured out that part.

He explained: “It’s always out there in the media, but I have a very wonderful separation-divorce. It’s funny. I don’t think about that word very often: divorce. I don’t see it that way. I see it more like, you meet someone, you have some time together, and things just move through. I’ve lived a lot of life since then.”

While the pair split in 2014 after 10 years of marriage, their divorce has not yet been finalized as of the time of this writing.