2 thoughts on “Transference: 13 Reasons Your “Connection” Could Be False

  • April 19, 2018 at 3:35 am

    Hi Tamara,
    As always, another great article on an important topic! On occasion however, when I read an article here on psych central, I KNOW something is being triggered because I either want to AVOID commenting, feel anxious etc. I have had a rough 24 hours do to something totally unrelated so I guess it’s not surprising that a simple article could make me feel a little anxious lol.
    I am wondering…is it still considered transference if it is with two people of the same sex? I am NOT referring to feelings of a sexual nature but I remember earlier on in therapy, after I’d developed some trust and we’d begun to do some work on the sexual abuse issues as well as issues of feeling emotionally abandoned by my mom at times, I began having flashbacks and at times when they were really intense and I was feeling like I was back there as a child again, I remember absolutely craving a “safe mommy” to hold and protect me–and if I would try to picture that in my head, it would be my therapist’s face I’d see. That happened several times and it made me feel crazy and ashamed.
    Then for a while, I remember wishing I could be her friend instead of her client–or even her babysitter for her kids. Was that transference happening? If so, I’m glad it didn’t last lol!

    • May 9, 2018 at 10:13 pm

      Hi Lori,
      Thanks so much for commenting! I’ve been out for a bit swamped with patients/clients. But your question is interesting. I thank transference can occur in two individuals of the same gender. You may find yourself feeling connected to someone who reminds you of your sister or your mother. I think you, for sure, developed some feelings of safety and security with your therapist. That’s natural! But how she managed that is important (that is, if she knew that’s how you felt). You certainly don’t have to feel ashamed because transference involves the human experience. It’s something that often comes up in therapy (good or bad) and I’ve learned to understand it as a process that is inevitable in some ways and potentially necessary for either the therapist or the client.

      But it is very embarrassing for many clients, even therapists.


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