3 thoughts on “Manipulation: 15 Tactics A “User” Will Use To Control You

  • August 10, 2017 at 3:14 am

    As you so eloquently stated (wrote? lol) I imagine many if not all of us have done one or more of these on occasion for whatever reason or totally unintended. I know when I was in Jr High school, one day I decided that when I got to my favorite teacher’s class I was going to act “different” because I desperately wanted someone safe to notice that I was hurting due to abuse.
    Normally a quiet but attentive student who, when comfortable and feeling safe would sometimes be more talkative and animated enough to tell a few corny jokes, I got to that class (a Language Arts class) and rather than work on our individual writing projects when the time came, I simply put my head on my desk and wouldn’t engage. Sure enough, my teacher noticed something was wrong but then when she asked me to stay after class a few minutes to talk to her, I got scared and told her I was sorry, and I was just tired.
    I was also reminded of a friend I had years ago that was older than I and SHOULD have gotten herself some help but I didn’t realize that at the time. She was obsessed with this guy who had broken up with her but then would send mixed messages by coming over and initiating sex when it was convenient for him. (He needed help too LOL) My friend would call me crying hysterically sometimes or using urgent language like “Lori, sorry to wake you but it’s ABSOLUTELY CRITICAL that Tom receive this letter I just wrote him so I need you to put it in the slot in his door. PLEASE PLEASE do this for me just this once? I will be over to get you in 15 minutes!” Click! I look back and can’t believe that I got sucked into that several times!

    Reply
    • August 15, 2017 at 9:00 pm

      Wow. This is tough Lori because you were certainly put in the middle. Do you think she may have had a personality disorder? Sometimes individuals with BPD traits will use language such as “it is absolutely critical….” The language, in and of itself, is manipulative. Getting sucked into this cycle is easy to do when you aren’t necessarily the manipulative type yourself.

      Reply
  • August 16, 2017 at 3:16 am

    Hi Tee,
    Yes, I do in fact think that my friend had/has a personality disorder (she moved out of state somewhere so we’ve not been in touch for years) but back then, I saw her as this worldly fun-loving adult who certainly knew better than I about life and love and wouldn’t steer me wrong. I certainly WAS wrong in that assessment lol!
    She would always thank me profusely after I’d deliver her letters or else she would say something like “NOW I’ll be able to get some sleep tonight and work tomorrow without worrying myself sick over him…” and it was strange because I’d feel good at times that I’d been able to help a friend and it appealed to MY need to feel needed, to belong etc. Looking back, I think she knew that and took advantage of my vulnerability and naivete at the time. She had her good points but she certainly knew how to get people to meet her needs.
    I’m not feeling like I am explaining it very well tonight. There is further family stuff happening that has me preoccupied I guess. Take care.

    Reply
 

Join the Conversation!

We invite you to share your thoughts and tell us what you think in this public forum. Before posting, please read our blog moderation guidelines. A first name or pseudonym is required and will be displayed with your comment. Your email address is also required, but will be kept private. (Please note that we use gravatars here, which are tied to your email address.) A website/blog/twitter address is optional.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *