7 thoughts on “6 Healthy Ways to Cope With A Narcissist

  • March 16, 2017 at 10:21 am

    Help! She keeps me off balance by being all I would want in a mother, then Wham, criticism of my kids or husband. Extremely mean….I am clueless how to handle this???

    Reply
    • March 18, 2017 at 8:28 am

      Hi CathyJane,

      I’m sorry you are one of the people stuck with living with a narcissist. However, you say she is all a mother should be exc.ept for those times she goes off criticizing your family. I suggest (and I’m not a professional) when she starts ranting about how terrible your husband and kids are, that you respond with the good things your husband and children do for you! Like, “Tom is always there for me when I need him and Jessica is a kind little girl sharing her toys with her friends. If they didn’t have a bad day here or there, I’d be worried.” Saying something good about your family every time she criticizes them may shut her up.

      Reply
    • March 18, 2017 at 10:45 am

      Hi CathyJane,
      You are certainly not the first who is dealing with this. Sounds like this person may have more going on than narcissism. Have you considered seeing a therapist for the purpose of figuring out how to cope with this person in your life? Some people pursue therapy for tips, from a professional, on how to deal with the people in their lives. You don’t have to go because something is “wrong with you.” You can go to ask for better (and healthy) ways to cope. You can type in your zipcode at http://www.psychologytoday.com to find a local therapist who may take cash or your insurance.

      In the meantime, I recommend distancing yourself from this person (physically – in distance- and emotionally). If the narcissist can get you to react emotionally to their behaviors and attitudes, they win. You must find a way to strengthen yourself and the first step toward doing this is distancing yourself, ensuring your are not in a position where the narcissist can control or use you, and getting other people on “your team” to help support you.

      Take care

      Reply
  • March 18, 2017 at 8:13 am

    This article was a let down for me. I was really looking forward to finding a way to deal with the narcissist in my life. The advice of ignoring them, avoiding them, complimenting them, etc. didn’t sit well with me. I want to retaliate, I want the narcissist to get a wiff (if not more) of the pain they are inflicting on others. Ignoring their behavior seems to me to be playing into their hands by letting them off the hook. Maybe what you are saying is the “healthy” way to manage them but how about some payback for those who thrive on bullying others? Those of us who are not narcissists need some backbone don’t you think?

    Reply
    • March 18, 2017 at 10:40 am

      Hi Nikiki,
      I do understand your perspective and yet, I must highlight that we, as a “community” are not here to find ways to sink to the level of the narcissist.

      Some narcissists are so petty and immature that if you respond to them they will likely make you look worse than they look. I do, however, understand your anger and level of resentment. The narcissist can indeed make you very, very angry. They can also hurt you tremendously. But this still doesn’t justify “revenge” as you put it. Revenge says “I’m going to fight fire with fire and hope I win.” You won’t.

      You’re best bet is to walk away, avoid them, find ways to cope with them if you must, and/or pursue therapy yourself for support in creating boundaries, ending the relationship, or learning ways you can minimize the effects of the narcissist in your life.
      Take care

      Reply
  • March 25, 2017 at 5:50 am

    The advice given here is consistent with the tactics I employed, consciously and unconsciously, with my husband. I always felt that he seemed to lack confidence and have a low perception of himself despite all of his boasting and exaggeration of past and present achievements. I tried to point out positive outcomes when things seemed bleak, give genuine compliments and feedback, and support him. Being a human, there are times when I fell short and displayed anger, frustration, and other negative responses. As those responses weren’t the norm, I think a healthy individual would have more grace and forgive or at least acknowledge my apologies and attempts to always do better. I thought relationships were about loving and helping each other.

    Instead, I was met with accusations that I was ALWAYS unstable, critical, unappreciative, unsupportive, a slob, a selfish, controlling, manipulative b–ch, and a c–t. He told me I deserved to be cheated on, that he “faked” any happiness for 12 years, and that he dreaded being around me. He abandoned me in July, siphoned money from our bank account, and wrote a 7-page response to discovery paperwork justifying his cheating with assertions that I was emotionally abusive, unavailable, and dependent.

    Now, I struggle with suicidal thoughts, exacerbated health problems, fear, uncertainty, shame, loneliness, nightmares, insomnia, anxiety, and general confusion and bewilderment that the one person I trusted above all others seems to hate me so much. He used to send disturbing text messages and call late at night saying he wanted to kill himself and that it was my fault. He said that I was possibly demonically possessed and evil or had BPD. This frightened me, but he was angry when I suggested he get
    help because he said he only would get help to “figure out how to deal with his abuser.”

    I am in an IOP program and struggle daily, but I try. I try to remember that there are good people and things in the world, that my students need me, and that I have value as an individual. I used to want him to come back, and I wanted a miracle to restore the man I thought he was and tried to help him be. I read articles, blogs, and books avidly, trying to seek answers. Truthfully, I may never know why this happened.

    Reply
    • March 31, 2017 at 4:06 pm

      Thank you Cora for your confirmation. I’m glad this article was able to relate to you and hopefully others. I certainly can relate having been in contact with many people like this.
      All the best

      Reply
 

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