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10 Unbelievable Behaviors Of The Narcissist

Do you know what narcissistic personality disorder is? Would you be able to spot it if you had to? For most people, their belief is that narcissism is “easy” to spot because laymen and pop psychology characterize narcissism as selfish ambition,

100 thoughts on “10 Unbelievable Behaviors Of The Narcissist

  • March 8, 2017 at 8:31 am

    This article is brilliant. I went through this for years with a former “friend” who had and still has people completely fooled. Through social media she presents herself as this innocent, kind hearted person which she is not. I saw her unmasked and because I did I was permanently discarded. She also developed a “clique” of blind servants who came to her rescue no matter what and would unleash attacks on me on her behalf. She purposely tarnished my reputation and turned friends and acquaintances against me which left me lonely and unable to defend myself. I am still very angry about all of this and am always looking for ways to out her or get revenge which I know will only make things worse.

    • March 8, 2017 at 11:41 pm

      Hi Stacie,
      Thank you so much. I appreciate that. I’m glad it was helpful.
      Narcissist are truly frightening to be in any kind of relationship with. They are not relational beings. They don’t know how to exist in a healthy relationship. Things always have to go their way or no way. They are often controlling, overbearing, arrogant, insensitive, authoritarian, and detached emotionally. As I stated to another person who commented, it’s best to stay far away from them if you can.
      All the best

      • March 14, 2017 at 9:41 pm

        You hit the nail on the head. Any advice for those with narcissistic spouses? It’s an emotional roller coaster.

      • March 14, 2017 at 10:37 pm

        Hi Diane,
        Thanks for your comment. It is very difficult when it is your spouse because you were most likely under a different assumption about his personality and behaviors when you first met him, dated him, and then married him, if that were the case. You’d want to always protect yourself, ensure you are safe, and then move away from them if they are unable to change.

      • January 19, 2019 at 2:11 am

        I was married twice to a narcissist for 19 years the first time and 22 years the second time.
        I had no clue what narcissism is all about until recently because I stumbled across a psychology book that described the disorder.
        I cannot change my past but I am sure aware what to look for in a man.
        My first husband used money as a tool to keep me under his thumb. I was a homemaker and stayed home with our 3 children.
        Then I got sick, had counseling and the courage to get out of my two dysfunctional marriages. I graduated from College with a 4 year degree and worked for the Government for 28 years.
        Now I am retired. My second husband of 22 years used sex to punish or reward. That was worse than using money to control.
        Both, money and sex, are very powerful weapons. Sometimes I feel angry at myself for not getting out of those 2 marriage sooner but talk myself right out of it because their behavior was out of my control. As a single divorced woman I have a lot of blessings and plans to earn a Masters Degree. My 3 adult children are doing well and my grand-children are raised by emotionally healthy parents. I am proud of them.

      • January 20, 2019 at 11:02 pm

        Hi Christine,
        Thanks for sharing your story. I think a lot of people blame themselves for staying in relationships with narcissists. The sad part is that many of these “victims” fail to recognize that it isn’t them or anything they failed to see. It is the narcissists “ability” to deceive and deceive again. They are wired differently than many people and they see and smell vulnerability a mile away. Normally developing humans don’t operate this way. We don’t seek to prey on anyone’s life or freedom. We seek to live in harmony with the other person and to be respected. The narcissist seeks to prey on vulnerability and get ahead “of the game” as much as they can to benefit from the relationship. Sadly, their greatest tool is deceit.

        I’m glad you got out!
        Take care

      • April 17, 2019 at 7:52 am

        Hi Diane,

        I blogged about this- here is an excerpt:

        Take these five steps to take back your personal power.

        If you know you are being Gaslighted but you still doubt yourself, trust your gut; listen to your inner voice.

        To ensure that you are not blowing a situation out of proportion or minimizing that these behaviors only happen “every once in a while,” keep a journal of events. Writing can often bring clarity. Just make sure you keep your journal in a safe place or keep an online encrypted journal.

        Call on the tools you use in other situations with yourself or others, such as oracle cards, crystals, essential oils, prayer and/or meditation to release yourself from the manipulation.
        Set the intention for healthy boundaries. Manifest freedom from Gaslighting. “I have healthy boundaries and healthy communication with (fill in the blank).

        Claim victory and be determined to live a thriving life. Give up the victim stance. Even if you can’t shift the situation immediately, “Act as if” you are free of the Gaslighting behaviors. Be kind to yourself and indulge in a lot of self-care!

        Remember to forgive yourself and also, cut yourself some slack if you are feeling like you are trapped and overwhelmed. There is great power in becoming informed. You are your own self-advocate. It can take a while to heal from the aftermath of Gaslighting, particularly if this insidious form of mental and emotional abuse has been going on for a long time. Be glad that you can name it and know it is not you! You just got caught up in another person’s crazy, manipulative game.

        I hope that helps!

        Tamara- great article!

      • March 1, 2019 at 10:04 am

        Your comment “their way or no way” resonated with me. I have experienced several times that my soon to be ex husband would accuse me of things he was actually doing. Surely he had to know that I knew the difference. It was almost as though he was, in his own mind, being honest thru projection/blame and was therefore able to justify his unethical behavior. His mental issues may be more than this disorder alone. This situation is scary and will be until I am out of it completely. There is a great sense of hopelessness and loneliness, and finding this blog has really been a blessing.
        My husband was at the bottom of his game when we met. He had fallen from a very respectable and successful career. He was at his low and humble. The humbleness was a big attraction to me. I saw potential in him and praised him for his passed achievements. It took 8 years of steady work to get him reestablished and back “at the top of his game”. After reading thru this blog, I know now that helping him back to the top was the worst thing that I could have done for him. He has a completely different personality now. History repeats itself in some cases.
        Can these people ever get their problem under control? If so, how exactly?

      • April 25, 2019 at 4:11 am

        I was married to a narcissist for 22 years. In the beginning I did not know the truth.
        We divorced after 22 years of marriage but continued a friendship for 4 years. I was so fooled by his charming behavior until I saw the true colors. Now we are in court trying to obtain a No Contact order. Can you guess who is stalling and unwilling to cooperate? I am hoping and praying that the no contact order will be honored by the judge so I can finally move on without him.

      • May 19, 2019 at 10:38 am

        Hi Christine,
        I’m sorry to hear you are going through this. It isn’t easy. A Narcissist likes control so the stalling and lack of cooperation is causing a scene and he knows it. It isn’t a shoker if he finds this amusing.

        All the best with this situation. Faith and prayer can shield you.

    • March 9, 2017 at 4:43 am

      There’s a nickname for the “blind servants.” They’re called flying monkeys after the creatures in The Wizard of Oz who did the wicked witch’s bidding. 🙂

      P.S. I know the same experience(s) as you.

    • March 14, 2017 at 10:55 am

      Been there. It’s difficult getting revenge. Almost impossible. Just distance yourself and use forums like this for therapy. 😊

      • March 14, 2017 at 10:38 pm

        Hi Nancy,
        Thanks for commenting. Revenge never works and is rarely worth it. Distancing yourself is the best advice, especially for someone who is unable to change or cannot see how they are affecting others. It’s not worth it.

      • May 14, 2017 at 1:42 pm

        After recovering from my anger towards my x-narc, I have to agree with you about revenge. Absolutely not worth it. The best way to get even is to move on and be happy in your new life. I recommend the 25th verse of the Tao te Ching for this situation. Connect to your soul and there you will find the greatness of your eternal self which will have huge payoffs for you. (as for revenge)Eating at or feeding others at the trough of misery never has and never will have any payoff for you or them.

      • May 14, 2017 at 4:52 pm

        Hi Mark,
        Thanks for sharing this. I agree 100% that “feeding others at the trough of misery never has and never will have any payoff for you or them.”
        Wisdom indeed.
        Take care

      • March 21, 2018 at 9:10 pm

        Revenge is never worth seeking.
        I have a horrible knee jerk reaction when I discover I’ve been the target and my anger scares me, let alone anyone who has to witness it!
        I learned a long time ago how to curb my reaction to being a narcissists target. It’s a game I find both enjoyable and therapeutic.
        I get MY revenge by writing in a journal, specific scenarios, a perfectly planned act from a to z.
        I do this when I’m at my most angry. I let my pen fly across the page and don’t stop until every detail is outlined and organized.
        When I’ve “plotted out my actions” to the grim end for my attacker I close my journal and go on with my business of living.
        Once my anger subsides and I’ve all but forgotten the situation I’ll sit down with a cup of coffee and read it.
        I can’t begin to tell you the howls of laughter that I’ve gotten from my imaginative counter attack!
        I am very creative 😉
        I once showed my father when he came to visit and I was yet again sharing the latest shenanigans my boss was pulling. He asked how I could handle such psychologically draining, soul sucking abuse from this person.
        That’s when I pulled out my journal and told him to read a few entries. Dad read more than a few, and was laughing and called me badassed maverick!
        Dad said, “it’s a good thing you’ve found a healthy outlet because you’d be a F-5 tornado!”

        Yes it’s hard to have someone have control of your life because your can’t afford to quit a job and are stuck with no recourse. This takes me to that place of exacting my revenge in the most extreme ways, yet keeps me in check both legally AND emotionally.
        May my pens never run out of ink, my journals stay affordable and my imagination stay keen! 🙂

      • June 21, 2019 at 2:28 am

        This is BRILLIANT! I loved every word – thanks so much DeeDee. And I’m going to use this concept re my narc husband 😀

      • July 4, 2020 at 9:49 pm

        Revenge? I wonder who the narcissist really is now.

    • January 7, 2018 at 7:28 am

      I know exactly how you feel. 9 years ago, I put a narcissist in her place in a not so nice way only to have everybody in my life cruelly throw me away. These were relationships that spanned several years and the narcissist was the new kid so to speak. Come to find out,in telling this narcissist off,I had accidentally exposed a covert narcissist, an enabler and several flying monkeys. I was angry for years. I wanted revenge. I was contemplating doing something illegal to bring destruction to the narcissist and everyone stupid enough to believe them. But now I realize I don’t have to get even. The day is coming when they will have to face the truth and there will be no getting around it. Get revenge by moving on and leave the spoiled brats to their delusions.

    • July 4, 2020 at 9:44 pm

      Think about why this person attacked you. A narcissist Will only seek revenge if you did something terrible to them. It is easier for them to not attack so it makes sense that something had to have triggered your friend.

      • July 10, 2020 at 10:55 am

        Hi Jay,
        That is not true. A narcissist will attack if there is “narcissistic injury” in most cases. But they will also attack out of a need to dominate, control, be in the spotlight, etc. We cannot say, and no research has supported the notion, that a narcissist always has a reason to attack. Sometimes they don’t!

  • March 8, 2017 at 12:10 pm

    More detailed descriptions of Donald Trump.

      • March 10, 2018 at 5:14 pm

        You’re welcome,and your detailed analysis is needed for protection from these seriously disturbed while also very clever people. Can’t help but wonder how long, if it happens at all, it will take for Trump to be exposed for what he is and removed from office. Hopefully sooner than later before he destroys the very institutions he swore to uphold at his inauguration.

  • March 8, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    Wow! Perfectly describes my estranged husband. He is a lecturer at the local university and markets himself as affable, “logical,” and service-oriented. Reality: starts clubs and organizations to promote himself, gain supply, manipulate others, and also so he can have a built-in fanclub of flying monkeys/sycophants. He alienates, belittles, and engages in smear-campaigns against those who question him. Had all but a handful leave a club recently. He seems to find people as disordered as himself. Some actually tried to oust him but he got them to infight and deflect from himself. After, he complained about how “they” tried to sabotage “his” club.

    I have had my fill. He abandoned me and is similary casting aspersions on my character. I am trying to heal, but the wounds are deep. How can the person you care about most leave so abruptly and be so cruel? I was discarded like trash.

    • March 8, 2017 at 11:38 pm

      Thank you Cora for your comment. It’s really interesting how similar narcissists are to each other and to psychology text books. I rarely see a narcissistic person who does not fit the complete description of a narcissist described in college books or online. They are truly cookie-cutter characters. It’s always best to steer clear of them. They will “discard you like trash” or throw you away so to speak. It’s frightening.
      Take care

    • March 21, 2018 at 9:31 pm

      Cora, you beautiful worthy soul!
      Your awareness is admirable. Of course it took years for you to see him clearly, but the most important thing is you seem to never have lost yourself! You seem to have been able to stay intact with your own mind.
      You will heal! You’ve retained your self confidence somehow and it shows in your words.
      Hard as it may be right now, as you’re still reeling from being cast aside like trash by the person you loved, you’ll one day be very grateful he walked away from you. You’ll feel fortunate to not be tormented as he continues to go about his quest to conquer and destroy.
      You’ll get there. Hour can you not? You’re strong and capable. From what I’ve read about NPD is they only leave those whom they cannot break! You couldn’t be broken!
      Bless you!
      I’m an instant fan of yours! 🙂

  • March 9, 2017 at 3:40 am

    Hi Tamara,
    I really am not all that familiar with this disorder so it was interesting to read about it and learn more. As I read, I asked myself if I know anyone like this. I am still not sure.
    I first thought of a former partner. Long story short but while in public — and even with me for the most part, very charming and social, full of compliments etc. I DO remember early on, it seemed like many people had been “unfair,” “mean” etc to him and several in his family were “abusive.” I initially believed him as I had no reason not to but a lot of things began to not add up. If we’d argue, he had a very difficult time owning his part in anything, would not compromise and somehow would find a way to try and turn it around so that I’d end up either giving up trying to express my feelings or just apologize to keep the peace. Glad it’s over for more reasons than I will get into.
    The other person who I now wonder if she could be a narcissist (I hate to even THINK this) is my niece. She is almost always the one who feels wronged by life, her mother, past teachers on occasion and people in general. She has a horrible temper if she is disagreed with or if for instance, her mom tries to argue her point or even ask for help with chores. She will be vindictive at times and generally seems to become angry very easily and at times holds grudges. But, given that she has grown up with an alcoholic father, in a dysfunctional household, was not given clear boundaries or consistent rules in the home plus she’s still pretty young at almost 23, AND had a bad car accident with head trauma, perhaps this world not apply to her. I hope not – for her sake!
    Have a good upcoming weekend!

    • March 14, 2017 at 10:48 pm

      Hi Lori,
      Thanks for commenting as always.
      Narcissism is difficult to identity and it isn’t present among a large group of people. For me, I have only come in contact with about 2-3 narcissists in my almost 9 years in the field. Interestingly, 1 of my clients displayed narcissistic behaviors while about 2-3 of other professionals showed the symptoms the most! So I don’t blame you for not knowing if you’ve come across this behavior before. It sounds as if your ex may have shown some signs. Guys are very strange in that they do things without fully thinking or considering the emotions and thoughts of the other person. It can be complicated to tease apart if the male is just being a “strange man” or if they are narcissistic. I dated one such guy years ago and then ran away, thanking God I got away…sane!

      As far as your niece Lori, I cannot say for sure. But it might be worth considering. Perhaps there are other reasons for her behavior that may be more fitting.

      Take care

      • March 15, 2017 at 1:53 am

        Hi Tamara,
        Thanks for responding. (And for your insight!) Can you believe I had myself convinced that you were likely upset with me because a) I comment too much, b) you hadn’t responded last time I checked this post and c) I had posted a comment on an earlier post, mistakenly wrote my full name and then had to write and ask you to remove my last name. Crazy thinking on occasion — sorry lol! I wasn’t going to mention it but decided to because I know I can’t be the only one who sometimes gets anxious over skewed perceptions. At least I hope not!

      • March 16, 2017 at 9:25 am

        Hi Lori,
        I understand. No worries.
        I don’t think I got that email about your full name! Where did you send that message to? I’ll check and see if I can find it and if I do, I will remove it for you.

        Take care

      • March 17, 2017 at 2:10 am

        Hi Tamara,
        I wish I could remember the exact post I commented on –I’m thinking it may have been the first one on this topic? Not that big of a deal I suppose if it’s not caught!
        Thanks for your understanding. I much appreciate it!

  • March 10, 2017 at 10:01 am

    Timely! My mother has always been very critical of me, her only daughter. I went to therapy because there had o be something wrong with ME! A good therapist pointed out my mother was probably narcissistic. Indeed, her dramatics, grudge holding and silent treatments made sense. Fast forward: she is not welcomed by her 3 sons, she’s in a retirement home in a distant state and I’m the one managing her finances and nursing help. She is pissed that I have to do this, but due to drinking she is unable to care for herself. Even though I know better, at 66 she still knows how to make me crazy. Any help as I find I feel sorry fo her….all alone..

    • March 11, 2017 at 5:41 pm

      Hi Cathyjane

      I understand you feeling sorry for your mum as my sister and I are in the same boat. Unfortunately narcissistic people are difficult to like, we still love them but for our own self preservation we have to remove ourselves from the never ending BS. We grew up being the carers and sadly can hardly remember many fun times with her. She is now in a very nice nursing home, subsidised by us. She is 82 now and still moans and groans about her terrible life, as she is incapable of letting go of the past. It might help if you speak to someone and vent, as it must be difficult dealing with her without support. I hope these few lines helped and if you want to chat further I’m happy to

      Kind regards
      Life’s journey aka Sheree

    • March 11, 2017 at 7:17 pm

      Hi CathyJane,
      I am sorry to hear this. A lot of people identify their parents as “narcissists.” You are certainly not alone.
      I caution most of my clients on over-using this word as it becomes the “typical social” way to refer to someone who is difficult, self-centered, or has a very strong personality. Most people are not narcissist, but some are. It’s difficult to spot them sometimes because they don’t fit the criteria we think they should. Some very narcissistic people appear kind and sweet. Go figure!
      Take care

      • March 12, 2017 at 10:29 pm

        I agree. It’s not always clear-cut, especially for those of us who are not mental health professionals. My mother fit many of the narcissistic traits, but I’ve decided to use a more general term: toxic behaviour. Until I was on my own, I didn’t have a clue that anyone else could see it, too.

      • March 14, 2017 at 10:44 pm

        Yeah. It’s hard to see it sometimes and often we think others cannot. You’d be surprised at how many people see narcissistic behaviors but minimize them, ignore them, or remain silent about them because of how hard it is to get others to believe the person is narcissistic. It’s a catch 22, a strange dichotomy.

  • March 10, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    Thank you! Excellent article, and yes they do not have may acts or ways of behaviour, ex np was like a text book narc. Now totally transparent to me. And of course I was discarded and of course the was hoovering. Now NC since 3 months. Know now they cannot have a real relation and cannot have intimacy, the totally lack the capacity for that because they have not matured to more than a six year old.

    • March 11, 2017 at 7:15 pm

      Thank you Lovisala. I appreciate your kind comment. And I agree they lack maturity. Stay tuned for my article on how to deal with this 5 year old behavior next week!

  • March 11, 2017 at 7:44 am

    When it’s your parent, you’re stuck with them. When you marry one, that’s different, especially if they turn violent on you. But, the one that completely caught me off guard was a BEST friend who had this child-like voice and happiness until I got to know her. Then, she had woes and no amount of pointing toward the future or positive things was good enough. She created drama where there was none. (I am not a big fan of drama.) There was no consoling her, either. My ears perked up when this pillar of society told me I was a better person than her when I tried to help someone with problems catch up to the rest of us in a group. She said she would have thrown them out. I was shocked. That was my first clue something wasn’t right, because her profession was all about helping others. Then, she once said she had previously dumped a best friend and never looked back. Never explained to the person; just dumped her. One day, I was dumped on my ear with no explanation. She just would not answer the phone. I left phone messages and text messages to ask what I had done. Never got an answer. After a few weeks, I realized I had been used and was no longer needed, and my concern for trying to repair a damaged friendship was only feeding her ego. We were never best friends, as far as she was concerned.

  • March 11, 2017 at 8:14 am

    Great article. This was right on target. I had no choice but to put up with a narcissist for years. Friends kept saying she was selfish but I couldn’t understand how anyone could be so mean every single day. It was hell to put up with. She put on the “act” for certain higher level people at work who were easily fooled and pulled into her fan club. The rest of the crowd she hung out with were what you describe as “lesser” than the narcissist. She’d ask grown adults to get her coffee, talk to them like children, scold them like children, point the finger like they were bad. She was like the worst teacher imaginable. She volunteered for charity events (pouring lemonade) just to make herself look good. She couldn’t care less about the sick children she was pretending to help. She had angry outbursts over minor incidents. Most of us living with this individual had little knowledge of what narcissism was. Now we’re all reading about it. Can’t wait for next weeks article on how to deal with these people.

    • March 11, 2017 at 7:20 pm

      Thank you Nicki. I appreciate that.
      Stay tuned for next week. I think you’ll like it!
      Take care

  • March 13, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    Will my ex narrscist change for someone of high status ( Pretty , and her family has money ) He says he is happy now and that he will do anything for someone he actually cares about ( as in not me ) He is also still abusing me but making it very obvious to everyone else he is so happy.

    • March 14, 2017 at 10:42 pm

      Hi Katie,
      Although I don’t know the full situation or your ex, I cannot say for sure. But most likely not, unless she is similar to him in some ways. A narcissist often has little to no empathy and has no idea how they are affecting others. Many times they are concerned about minor things such as money, fame, prestige, attention, etc. and not so much about building a lasting love relationship that is healthy with anyone.

  • March 14, 2017 at 10:51 am

    I am very familiar with the disorder. I can spot them a mile away. It might take a few interactions but in the end, I see them. The most recent was my husbands boss. A woman who preys on married men for attention and to conqure. She played my husband so well that he eventually was flirting with her. I told him he was being played. He refused to believe me. It almost ended us. Shes had multiple affairs with other married men. Shes been caught by other wives but I doubt any of them knew what they were really dealing with. In the end, I managed to get some justice but she still has everyone thinking shes a victim. She has many blind servants. Great read and spot on.

  • March 22, 2017 at 3:52 pm

    I’m diagnosed with NPD and rather than having been the abuser, I’ve been the victim of abuse many times. My psychologist and psychiatrist encourage me to socialize and develop relationships with people, which is difficult because I am very uncomfortable around others. Your articles seem to suggest that I am right to avoid people. Your articles also make it seem as though people with NPD are not so deserving of love or compassion and have little hope of finding peace in life. Reading things like this can be very hurtful and I’m glad I didn’t read this when I still struggled with suicide ideation. If you understood what it’s like to feel so fundamentally different from others, always searching for a sense of belonging that doesn’t exist, feeling like no one could ever truly love someone like you, I don’t think you’d try to tear us down so much. I hope that if anyone else with NPD reads this they are able to find the peace and self-compassion they deserve, and come into contact with much kinder people.

    • December 16, 2019 at 9:27 am

      I feel ya!

    • April 30, 2020 at 6:38 pm


      I do not think the article is written in order to stay away from anyone who are diagnosed with NPD, rather it is written to caution the majority of narcissists who hurt and discard people around them. Honestly, I understand the struggles individuals with mental disorders go through but mental disorder is never an excuse to hurt people around you. It does not matter how you feel inside, you do not have the right to hurt anyone else.

      I am curious though… what are some of the reasons you were diagnosed with having NPD? What are your symptoms?

  • March 29, 2017 at 7:56 pm

    I lived with a man for three years. He had me convinced that I was worthless. I was suicidal. He isolated me from everyone. My family friends and my daughter. He stole 100000.00 from me saying he would make me millions. He made me give up my dogs house and daughter. He would not leave my home and could not live if he did not control my life completely. Anyone in this situation needs to get out at any cost. I may not be alive today without my best friend who did not give up on me.

  • May 13, 2017 at 1:55 pm

    I will post a longer post later, but for right now, is narcissism a disorder that can be inherited ?
    I believe so.
    I had an aunt who was one and a sister who has it now, and neither one were around each other to see the behaviors to know the behaviors, yet both had identical behavior patterns. The aunt was my fathers sister.

    • May 14, 2017 at 4:46 pm

      Hi Joanne,
      Yes, narcissism is a trait that can be inherited. It has a very firm genetic foundation. In other words, research has confirmed through multiple studies that narcissism is strongly inherited. It is also encouraged by nurture, the way someone is raised or the things the person is exposed to over the course of their development.
      So basically it is both nature and nurture that influences a person to exhibit narcissistic traits.

      Take care

  • May 13, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    my experience with them they are very sociologically abusing and pulling you down while the areas they have up there pulling them down in your life and high levels of gossip to destroy you. narcissist are not an equal opportunist they try and make you feel bad about yourself

  • June 29, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    This is the best article on NDP I have read to date. It really explains what narcissistic behavior looks like “on the ground,” so to speak. I had a friend a while back that after about 6 months, I began to wonder if she was a narcissist, but the usual list of “symptoms” where clinical, and often based on the internal feelings of the narcissist themselves. In order to validate my experience of her, I needed to know what signs I might be seeing or experiencing. This article does that, and I am no longer in doubt.

    The friendship unfolded exactly the way this article describes; in the end she got involved in a situation between my husband and I who were having problems at the time, by dropping an “overheard” conversation into an already tense and hurtful time period in my marriage. The fallout was dramatic, and involved more than one friend. Fortunately, I realized that she was the cause and cut off ties with her, and my husband and I eventually healed our relationship.

    Now that I’m in my later 40’s, I am better able to identify and stay away from people with unstable personalities of any kind. It’s unfortunate, because many people with personality disorders have wonderful qualities; but the damage they can cause and their sometimes bottomless pit of need makes them usually not worth the effort it takes to stay friends.

    Thanks again for the article!

    • July 2, 2017 at 8:54 pm

      Hi Ggirl,
      Thank you so much. Glad you found the article helpful. It was inspired by personal experience working in the field. I have had multiple experiences with narcissism and I’ve learned just how tricky, manipulative, uncaring, and harmful individuals with these traits can be. You are better off to run miles away than to stick around to be hurt. Each moment with the narcissist is like a ticking time bomb.
      Take care

  • July 26, 2017 at 12:53 pm

    Dear Tamara,

    I have married into a family that live, follow and roll in it if “IT” was food or money, called Narcissistic traits. I keep notes every time I am near this type of blood-sucking-Narcs. Days after I feel empty of stealing my time and energy.
    *My husbands’ great grandfather were Narcs based on 200 years of history.
    Alcoholic-sexual deviant-absentee-parenting. CAREER CRIMINALS, jail time, sibling against sibling in courts, children sexual abuse by both parents and grandparents. Drugs by doctor-shopping. All Narcs in this family find jobs to keep their habits going. Two sisters work in Hospice, which out pain pills for ‘look-a-likes’ and tweet at work. King-Ron (rotten to the core) works in a convention center and walks out daily with his big haul of items security didn’t check…on and on with each member of the family.
    *Husband, he’s mild and I find awesome sites like this to educate myself.
    Thank YOU for listening to all.

  • December 28, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    Awesome post…..

  • January 8, 2018 at 7:12 am

    The problem when you are willing to call someone as having this disorder is when you are sure that person is no good. No person is really all that bad. I am sure I can find many people who would say I have this disorder.Instead of classifying people as narcissistic and not,I wish people realised that every person is unique and have their own way of thinking.

    • January 13, 2018 at 2:30 pm

      I wish the world was that simple but it isn’t. Reality is that despite us all being different and having “unique” characteristics, human nature and the mind goes far deeper than that. We have illnesses and personality traits that “rule” those we love. And sadly, we live in a world of narcissists and sociopaths. To reduce everything to

      “no person is really all that bad”

      we love objectivity and truth.

      Wish we could have it this way but we can’t.
      Take care

      • April 13, 2018 at 6:00 pm

        Spot On Tamara Hill!! 👍👏👏👏

  • January 9, 2018 at 9:10 am

    Some of the things you say sound very familiar. I am in a relationship with someone who has some of those traits. He is sweet and wonderful so much of the time. Especially when people are around but when alone I think he is trying to drive me crazy. I see him do things that he swears he never did. He says i am seeing things and i should get help. He cries and acts hurt that I am treating him so badly and accusing him of things he isn’t doing. It has gotten to the point of where I am questioning my own sanity. I don’t know what to do.

    • January 13, 2018 at 2:27 pm

      Hi Bree,
      Have you considered going to therapy together? You might find that it is helpful (if you find a good therapist). You can find millions of therapist in your area by going to and putting your zipcode into “find a therapist” and scroll to find someone who looks like they can help.

      Take care

  • February 17, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    Thank you for this insightful article; you have provided much food for thought.

    As you might have guessed, I am in a bad/shocking/ongoing situation: not with a lover, parent, colleague or boss, but with my grown son.

    Gaslighting, projection, transference, bullying, harassment, infantalizing… you name it, he’s done it.

    Truly, the best course of action is as you’ve said: walk away, even if doing so fills your world with hurt. Not only does it save your sanity and well-being, but – more importantly: it means you are not enabling your narcissist.

    As most articles I’ve read on narcissism deal with work, parent/child, friend or spouse relationships, it would be so helpful to read about children who target their parent(s).

    Just out of curiosity, is it generally mothers who are targeted the most, or fathers? Or both parents equally?

    Thanks so much!


  • March 6, 2018 at 8:17 am

    Thank you for your very clear, concise, and useful article on this type of personality disorder. At the very moment I needed it, your words spoke peace and strength to me. I will now be able to deal with my present circumstances more effectively and wisely, thereby restoring my own peace of mind.

    • March 10, 2018 at 4:14 pm

      Hi Frances,
      Thank you! I’m glad you found the article helpful. I’ve been in that position in the past where I’ve needed someone (just someone) to speak peace to me and I was able to find that solace through the voice of someone who understood my situation. This can be restoring. I’m glad that I could serve part of that cause for you.
      Take care

  • April 13, 2018 at 5:57 pm

    Unbelieveable Behaviors- #9

    There is no ‘Its As if they Almost get pleasure or Empowerment from seeing others fail or hardtimes”.

    Narcs without a doubt get a Huge powertrip out of others misfortunes. Because they Hate people who do well in life. They Live & Thrive from this.

    They are dispicable empty carcasses.

  • April 19, 2018 at 2:10 pm

    It’s too late. Yes, he got me, or I should say $8000. Grandson, ‘M’, 26, who approached me (as you say, checking me out)(vulnerable). He now has a good job, but no credit. So I wanted to help him establish credit and was therefore sweet talked into transferring the money to his account, with the agreement he would pay me back $200/mo – his boss was giving him this monthly raise. My assumption was that the $8000 would take care of his debts – oops! – just now finding out that he owes his big family lots. He was to pay me in March and now in April. He deceived me in March and now in April tried again; but this time I caught him with the lie – and he read me the riot act in text – how bad I was and my son, his step-father, on and on, to which I cut him off. He called on home phone, which I did not answer! This really pissed him off!!

    Your article was helpful in giving me a description of his personality. I am 82 yrs young and have never come across this behavior, ever. And from a step grandson, who I adore and I thought adored me for 26 yrs!! Wrong, like you say, he apparently has no conscious. I am aware enough to let it go. My hanging up on him and not giving him any more attention I know is where I need to be. He has two baby mommas from high school and a son, 9, and daughter, 5. He is now married and they are expecting their first child this May. Their baby shower is to be this Sunday at my clubhouse. And in a text I did say, pay up now or the baby shower will be cancelled. This is when he really went wildly crazy.

    Right now I will not cancel the baby shower. His mom (my ex-to-be daughter-in-law) is in charge. I was going to go, cause as a Resident of this community, I should be there. ‘M’ also tried to argue me down about, saying ‘that I do not own the clubhouse.’ Again like you said and I am just learning he is very immature, 5 yrs old, would be accurate. His mind, body and spirit are being negatively attacked by this behavior. I am sure he has been arguing with the two baby mommas for yrs; avoiding the family who he owes; and my son and I wonder if any one is even going to show up at the baby shower! That would be way cool!! I do find humor in it. I do know money is the root of all evil. And don’t give your soul to the company store. I am in a good place in letting it go and plan to sit tight and see what develops. I may go to the clubhouse later to see if they have it all cleaned up – cause I am responsible. I am sad to think he has this disorder. He is a manager of an auto parts store; he is a Master Mechanic. Right now living in Aurora, CO, he is in Montana being interviewed for a transfer and big promotion. This would be the next step for him to eventually be promoted back down to Denver with a $100,000+ management job. Do I believe this is possible for him? or a sweet talk? I am also sad cause I was expecting to be in this baby girl’s life; but sorry to say I will not . . . family is everything; and it’s hard for me to know he has no compassion. But like you say, he has acquired three children who will look up to him and this doting wife. Negative energy is involved in his story – better late than never for me to learn this – so I do see a very positive side – and as the observer that I am – I am open to learn what I am to learn – and happily know that he will never get another warm hug nor smile from his one-and-only Italian grandma! and definitely no more of my spaghetti and meatballs!!! Too bad, so sad!

  • May 11, 2018 at 12:23 pm

    Do narcissists know they are narcissists? I have often wondered if a person of many years treats others as she treats me. She is the epitome of the narcissist you describe. Before I found this site, I had made the decision to break ties. And came to the conclusion that if she doesn’t know she’s doing it she treats others that way. If she knows she’s doing it, I have concluded that she is targeting me. She’s the second person in my life that fits the stereotype. The last one practically led me to suicide. What ended it was my home burned to the ground and I didn’t even care. I sold the land and left only to find my “best friend” was the same way. I always supported her when she was having a hard time but when I was having a hard time she would smear it in my face. And it’s always something ing like that. She called me yesterday because she wanted some advise from me. I didn’t engage. Then she called me early this morning ” sensing” that something was wrong…and she didn’t “know”? After the most recent insult in front of my. Own family? Like she doesn’t know what she’s doing? Do you think so? In case she decides to “visit” me today I am planning to be out of town so I can avoid her. I am fed up, pissed off, and working on healing myself and leaving her behind. I’m glad I found your site. Thank you. June

    • May 20, 2018 at 3:06 pm

      Hi June,
      Thanks for your comment. No. I don’t think narcissists know they are narcissists and how they treat people. There are some, however, who are aware that their behaviors are different or “abnormal.” It’s often best to see narcissism as being on a spectrum with 10 being the worst and one being unnoticeable. There are some narcissists who are extremely blind to their detrimental behaviors and may show many signs of being a sociopath. There are also those narcissists who are aware of their behaviors but have little to no power over them. It is also important to look at the person’s character and how they behave in other situations. Some narcissists have patterns of behavior that leave most of the relationships in their lives hurt or destroyed.

      Take care

      • December 16, 2019 at 9:25 am

        No. We do not know we are narcissists. It isn’t until something goes very wrong do we think there is anything wrong with us. The fault is never ours. If it is, we’ll find a way to change that. It takes someone close to us that has studied a bit about it to let us know. And that is when we gaslight. We will make you think you are messed up in the head to fit our reality, our perception of how our worlds are. Accept the fact that unless you can de add l with it, get out of the relationship as early as you can. In fact it is best if you make him or her beak up with you. That way the NPD person feels they have won and won’t seek revenge. We don’t get better, we only become aware. That gives the impression we are getting better but all we are doing is managing our symptoms.

        I have more to say. I just started a blog . But since I don’t have likes or thumbs up to feed my ego, it is hard to stay interested in it. But I will try.

        It is a lonely and difficult life. We are best staying single. Best for everyone involved.

  • June 29, 2018 at 10:18 pm

    Wow, this is so refreshing to learn, as I am currently involved with someone with a lot of these narcissistic traits! It’s refreshing because I have been grappling with his negative behaviors for some years now and just really wondering what the hell to do! I am a very positive, upbeat and independent person so thank goodness that I do have some love and respect for myself and I’m spiritually grounded, as this dude would have destroyed me a long time ago! But I often wonder why I continue to stay, yes I love him, but I love me more; so why have I put up with this for so long? I ask myself all the time. I’m seeing a therapist and starting to learn more about these behaviors, so hopefully I will be able to figure out why I continue to allow this man to try and break my spirit. I think that I am getting close to a breaking point because I am to the point where I just don’t care and I don’t allow him to get under my skin as much; but I know that it is unhealthy for me and I darn sure deserve much better treatment and respect from my mate! I like this blog and hope that through prayer, this blog and my therapist sessions, that I will be able to find solace and strength to stand up to him and if need be remove him from my life if his emotional abuse does not stop.

    • July 12, 2018 at 4:12 pm

      Hi there BSmith:
      Thank you for your comment and I’m glad you find this blog helpful! I’m sorry your comment wasn’t posted in a timely fashion. It got mixed up into the spam folder.

      But I appreciate your perspective and the sharing of your story. It appears that you are struggling with letting go of all of the emotions you likely have about this man. It isn’t easy to separate. It often takes a variety of things to help women and men release themselves from the grips of a narcissist. Narcissists use a variety of tactics to keep the vulnerable bound. The key for you is recognition of the problem (as you seem to have done already), therapy, and education.
      I wish you the best

  • September 1, 2018 at 6:19 pm

    We recently went through a terrible time at work when we decided not to renew the contracts of two narcissistic staff members at our workplace. Contracts were not renewed due to their inability to work as part of a team and the disruption they caused to our workplace culture. We had lots of evidence and actually gave them 6 months notice to find another job (one mistake we made was the extended timeframe – trying to do the right thing by then!), but they totally turned everything around and made everyone feel that we were threatened by their wonderful abilities etc etc. They actually had convinced themselves that the workplace should be closed down because they had been wronged, and launched an entire attack on many individuals within our workplace and the organization itself. I could never have foreseen that type of behavior and was completely shocked by the level of narcissism displayed. It was a frightening time for many of us – the most difficult 6 months I’ve had working in this industry (30 years now!). Thankfully we all survived and our workplace is now thriving with our new dedicated and genuinely caring staff members. I’m glad we went through the process we did because it has all worked out, but it was very difficult and we often wondered whether we should have started the process at all.

  • September 3, 2018 at 6:27 am

    When I was 9 my parents divorced and 2 years later she re-married again to an Emotional NPD (divorced with 3 adult sons) Big mistake! She is unhappy and basically rudely spoken to by him and sometimes to me – plus other nasty behaviours, including paranoia and false accusations, etc. I would love my Mum to have got a separation years ago, but it’s complicated. This has been going on 32 years and thanks to his belittling me, I developed anxiety and depression in my teens. I hate him to be honest. 🇬🇧😢

    • September 3, 2018 at 10:19 pm

      Hi Joy,
      Thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry to hear this. Your story mimics a lot of people who have experienced divorced parents.32 years of this is abuse and it’s sad to think that so many people are stuck (or feel they are stuck) in relationships like this. For your own sanity, I would suggest a therapist or life coach to help you learn better ways to manage him. I had a client years ago in the same situation and I found that when I got her the therapeutic support she needed, she was able to reach back for her mother and “rescue” her.
      Take good care

  • September 3, 2018 at 9:52 am

    Very well described, I am still designing with my x narc, and every day Isaac new drama if ignore him he threatens on withholding child support or alimony, if I ignore he goes and fights with my daughters about whatever e decides
    He left us and moved to a different country and still wants to be on control
    He is so cruel my daughter tells me has never seen so much hate insomeone
    He took everything I inherited and spent it then he Found a girlfriend I another country and eft
    Now he causes drama because I’m not taking proper car e of my teen daughter
    He causes drama every time!!!
    Honestly I am not only tired but scared
    Tks for the article

    • September 3, 2018 at 10:16 pm

      Hi Yvette,
      Thank you for your comment. I’m glad you found the article helpful.
      It sounds as if this toxic relationship gives him “life.” In some ways, I would question if his attempts at making life uncomfortable for you is his way of finding stimulation in his life. If it is, he would certainly benefit from therapy. Because most people like this are unlikely to seek help, counseling for you and your teen daughter may help sustain or equipped you.
      Take care

  • November 29, 2018 at 11:28 am

    This article perfectly describes my ex boyfriend. At the time I didn’t know anything about narcissism so was confused by all the fights he picked for trivial things. At 57, he seemed so immature—whatever I said I was being mean and he would tell me to “take it back “! I am still struggling to understand how this person “loved” me one minute and then treated me like I was a horrible person….accusing me of being the controlling one and constantly accusing me of cheating on him. The emotional and verbal abuse just got to be too much and when I said no more to all the things he tried to control, I was of no use to him and he left. I know it’s for the best, but I’m still trying to let go of the person I fell in love with….though that person never really existed.

  • December 11, 2018 at 9:16 pm

    I grew up with one in the family. As an adult, when I took away her power to bully physically, she became determined to prove that I am mentally incompetent with frequent unnecessary explanations of facts everyone knows. She will even give me beginner tips for my job that I have done for years.

    The thing I hate the most is that she explains to me how tv works, that some of the people are actors, or explain what is happening in game shows that I’ve seen loads of times.

    Today I finally told her I didn’t need her to explain tv shows to me and she flung kitchen utensils at me and yelled at my dog for no reason. The belittling and inappropriate comments seem like desperate and clumsy attempts to claim intellectual superiority.

  • March 1, 2019 at 9:00 am

    This article is the BEST and most helpful piece of information I’ve come across. All 10 of the behavior descriptions you’ve provided are EXACT in my circumstances. For ten months I’ve struggled to understand why my husband was “pitting”. His accusations to me & about me relating to his family & friends were unjust, untruthful, hurtful and to say the least frustrating. The best I could conclude was that he pitted to cover what I saw as a substance abuse issue, and most recently the possibility of an affair. I knew nothing about triangulation and narcissist personality disorder. I was aware that the husband had psychiatric issues when I married him, but he generalized his condition. He eluded to the uncertainty of bi-polar disorder and I’d seen documented a mood disorder. Sadly, his behavior and my inability to identify it in a timely manner and learn the skills to work with his problem resulted in a not-so-nice process of divorce. I offered to see his psychiatrist and also a marriage counselor this past fall. The intention of my offer was to understand the problem and learn the skills to deal with it in a healthy manner, but he refused claiming that my “motives weren’t pure”. The totality of his behavior didn’t come out until nine years into the marriage.
    Are there people who are a good fit for people with this problem? Or should others always “run” from them? The thought of running from them makes me sad because they need to be loved too.
    Do people with this disorder know they have it? My husband has been under the care of a psychatrist the entire time I’ve known him, and 10 years prior to that time. If he knew he had this diagnosis and was evasive with me, this is a case of dishonesty, and dishonesty would be easier for me to accept than knowing that he has never been properly diagnosed and now we are in the middle of a divorce as a result. I have yet to comprehend why he asked me not to file for a separation and said if I did, counseling wasn’t an option and that he’d file for a divorce. Maybe there are several components to understanding his reasoning? Control? An attentive and unsuspecting woman? A substance abused mind? This situation is hard to understand when I am on the inside looking out.

  • March 16, 2019 at 5:35 pm

    I live and work with a narcissistic family member who has punished me a lot in the past few years for being sick and earning less money than I used to.

    I discovered recently that my frequent illness was food poisoning caused by something the narcissist does. I found out that in the morning, she pours her half-drunk beverages from the previous day back into the container that everyone drinks from. So the bacteria from her mouth breeds in a cup overnight before she pours it into containers that I drink from. She has been doing this for years and that is why I get frequent food poisoning from drinks that I thought were clean. I’m so grossed out I want to throw up.

  • May 29, 2019 at 10:25 pm

    Hi, I have this problem with two neighbours and my local council housing office. Sticky, to say the least. I’ve posted on my blog about some of it, but honestly? It’s the worst life I’ve had. Three angles of narcissism, feels impossible to correct or escape.

    • June 9, 2019 at 4:02 pm

      Hi Shar,
      This is tough! I would suggest documenting as much as you can as proof of this problem and then seeking out your own counseling. can help you find support in your area.

      Take care

  • June 2, 2019 at 1:48 pm

    I also was married to a narcissistic person and had know idea for years. He had “basically another life which I had no idea about it. True story: I was sitting on my front porch with my mom and a truck pulls into my driveway and a woman gets out and acts like she has known me for years. I had never seen or heard anything about this woman. Me and my mom just wondering who she is. Then her husband and two kids get out and she is telling me she knows my ex husband for at 3 years and about our whole life and he never told about her. When I comfort him and told him about her showing up un a notice. He he did and I just forgot. That was always the case. I thought I was going crazy. I could go on and on. I’m sure everyone gets my point. So was married to him in 1995 and divorced in 2007 with two kids. He turned my own family and friends against Me. Even after all these years he still talks crap about me to his wonderful girlfriend who by chance have became good friends with, but trust me we keep to ourselves because he would flip out. Fast forward was another just a few months ago for almost 4 years. He some of the characteristic traits and also a pain pill habit that I did not know about when we first met. I should have run then. But I like to help people and a narcissistic can spot you in a hot second. Well that ended all bad. It was all my fault. Now that he is been off of the pills for about 6 weeks. I had moved out in November he calls and wants me to be so proud of him. I have a hard time doing this because I beg for him to get help when we were together. No one in his family knows how bad he was or still is. I told him I was going to talk to his mom and he just about had a heart attack. Because he has put all the blame on me and he would be called out and that’s one thing narcissistic don’t like. After reading all the story’s I no I’m not crazy. Thank you

  • June 25, 2019 at 3:11 pm

    Yes, this article explains things well. I recently realized that my mother is a dangerous narcissist and even went so far as to try to get me arrested for stealing her car after she put the title in my name (and admitted that to someone else) and then called adult protection services because I banged on the wall and stomped in anger (the case was dismissed). I have college degrees and work for the local university and she tried to destroy me. All after I moved to the state to try to help her with her health problems. She flipped out when I gave notice and made plans to move out. She now is in the process of her smear campaign since I no longer talk to her. I am an only child. She has been using me for money and infantilizing me my whole life and is now probably shocked and angry that I am a full fledged adult able to deal with life without her. We live in a rural place with a lot of simple people that see her disability and eat up all her lies and nonsense. She will probably still ask me to do her favors if I speak to her. No more. I’m done. I am afraid to talk about it because family dismissing me and not believing me will only add to the trauma. Moving on. No contact.

  • July 12, 2019 at 1:08 pm

    Thank you for this.
    I grew up with two narcissists.
    Still trying to work through it.
    What scares me is that I might be one to.
    How do you know if you are one?
    I tried doing a test once and it didn’t come up with much.
    If you worry about being a narcissist too then please let me know what to do and what/who is the best to find guidance.

    • July 13, 2019 at 2:00 pm

      Hi Sophia,
      This is a difficult question because narcissism can look very similar to other disorders. You may not be a narcissist but someone who has many defense mechanisms or protective mechanisms that make you appear narcissistic. Sometimes it is also very difficult to identify narcissism in ourselves. It’s often best to seek out the professional insight of a therapist who has experience with treating personality disorders. It’s also possible that you “learned” to behave in the many ways you observed in your parents. There is a lot of complexity here that a therapist would need to work through.
      Take care

  • July 12, 2019 at 1:10 pm

    I would appreciate your reply.

  • July 21, 2019 at 4:29 pm

    This article hits the mark 100%. Thank you so much for writing it.

    You wrote -> the narcissist will go to any length to ensure they are not overshadowed or forgotten which can result in trouble for an innocent person on the other end. A loss of employment, stolen ideas, stolen property or funds, belittlement, destruction, etc. are the consequences of being in the life of a narcissist.

    YES, YES and YES…. all of the above happened to me in spades. I’m in the process of trying
    to recover. I have never been involved with someone so evil in my life.

  • August 22, 2019 at 2:58 am

    My mother was and still is a narcissistic parent. So of course id end up in a relationship with one for the past 5 years. Surprise surpriset hey hate each other haha. When my moms narcassitic tendies first started showing i was 15 years old(now 34) i had just went thru a full term pregnancy ALL ALONE. THE FATHER was a punk a## 19 yr old delinquent. When i found out i was pregnant(at 14 yrs old) he bullied and quilted me not to tell a soul. I thought he was afraid my dad would kill him. Honestly thats what i thought too. So i did it. Young and stupid i guess. Went the whole 9 months of my pregnancy without and prenatal care or wothout anyone other than him kmowing… Until the morning id laid around hurting till i couldnt rake it anymore. It was 7am on a saturdat morning march 11 2000 i woke my mom up and told her i was so extremely constipated that something was bad wrong. She got up, bitching the whole way. At the er they new by looking but still done the tests
    They listened to his heartbeat and i was still denying id had sex much less pregnant. Anyway i had my son(now 19 yrs old) at 9:30 am. My WHOLE family was upset, confused and devastated. My sons dad had moved 2 another state when i was 7 months pregnant. When he called and heard the news he asked me to marry him. My mom threw a fit. Said shed help me raise my son. She didnt want mt life ruined. I could still go and finish highscool blah blah. Well after being home about a month i just started noticing things between my mom and my sons father. Actually looked back and dont know how i didnt notice it all those months i was pregnant. It was there the whole time. MY MOM WAS SLEEPING WITH HER 15 YR OLDS SONS FATHER. When i confronted them my mom “gas lighted” me big time. Told me i was crazy. That i had to be suffering from post partum depression. I was 15 i didnt know wtf thst was. I told close realitives and she had them fooled into thinking the same. Now mind you my mom was still married to and living with my dad. I started doubting myself and let ir go. Well about6 months after the fact, i guess the couldn’t hide it much longer and just came out with it(to everyone in my home town but my dad) my close realitives apol9gized for makimg me feel crazy and all. The fucked up part is they didn’t quit. They didnt care how their relationship made me feel. Well as soon as i turned 18 i got a apartnent . i wasnt there 2 weeks when wure enough they knocled at my door and asked to stay. They stayed 2 years. Then she got her own apartment for them to live in. The were together from late 1999 to 2006. My mom always trys to justify it. Haha. Ill make it short. Shes slept with 4 men ive been in a relationship with. She iz jealous and has something to prove to me. Shea screwed me over again and agian it would take a whole day to tell u all shes done. Ive condtantlu forgave her and ive always been there for her when she never deserved my affection not even from 14 years ago. I always give it tho and go over and beyond trying to impress her. It will never happen. I think ive finially moved on and quit with delusions about any kind of real relationship with her. The first of august i physically put my hands on her. I had had enough. Id let her live off me and my youngest2on thats. 4 and didnt help in ANYWAY NOR FINIANCALLY KEEP HER SELF UP OR HELP. Shes the most selfish, self absorbed person. She doesnt appreciate nothing ypu do for her. No matter how big the grand gesture she dgaf. Then wonders why ive let a narcissistic man make me mentally ill the past 5 years

  • November 10, 2019 at 5:38 pm

    I can fully relate to this article. I am a 48 year old woman with a toxic mom. She always tried to control me, but her behavior was really out of line when I was in my 30s. I started dating this guy she didn’t like. She called up my employer, performed a smear campaign, and got me fired from my job! She also called his mom, to try and turn her against me. My boyfriend’s mom stood up for me and told my mom that she would file harassment charges if she would call her again. My mom never admitted to calling my boyfriend’s mom. Shortly after that, I told my mom that my boyfriend, son & I were moving a few hours away. She was furious. She told me she would get me in a vindictive tone. A month after we moved, my mom filed for shared custody of my son. My mom was able to fool the Judge. My mom not only got shared custody, she also won primary physical custody. My mom had an attorney. My boyfriend and I couldn’t afford one. My mom has had primary physical custody since 2011. The other day, my mom mentioned what my autistic son will be doing when he is 21. I told her that she is getting ahead of herself. He is 16 now. My mom purposely talks about my son’s future, to try to control me, to get me to move back home. I love and miss my son so much, but I will not move near her. She doesn’t respect boundaries. Even when I visit my son, I have no say in his care. My mom refuses to let me bring my son to my place to visit. She is not in compliance to the court order. I am supposed to have him every weekend. My mom also refuses to send me my son’s medical and school records. At this point, I will go no contact with my mom. She totally ignores my reasonable requests. My son is severely autistic and doesn’t speak. I will send him cards and gifts for now. I pray that I can be reunited with my son someday. I may have to wait until my mom passes away. I could never give in to my mom’s unreasonable demands, especially with the cruel, vindictive things she has done to me.

  • December 7, 2019 at 1:05 pm

    “After many years of knowing the person” Tamara thanks for this elaborate note on Narcs, It took me about four years to have my feelings and intuitions about my ex validated, once I read through several instructions about Narc, there and then every thing was confirmed.
    She has a lot in common with my mother, I ran away from my mum not quite informed enough to know she was a Narc and fell into the hands of a woman who I thought would be an excellent lover but she turned out to be my worst nightmare a terrible and very unforgiving Narc, but I did conquer her with the power of being good.

    I have a question why is it that majority of Narcs are alwalys rich people or people in positions of trust?.

    • December 15, 2019 at 8:15 pm

      Hi Sorte,
      You’re welcome! Thanks for commenting.

      You pose an interesting question that requires careful thought but I will take a stab at it here. Most narcissists are individuals who we tend to find “attractive” in a lot of ways because of their social charm. Narcissists may be untrustworthy but they are not stupid. They know exactly what the world wants and strives for socially and materialistically and they strive (all the time) to accomplish that. Narcissists also tend to display confidence and competence which causes others to trust them, regard them as “experienced,” and even emotionally intelligent. It’s a sad and sickening reality but narcissists can get really far in life based on lies, deceit, and manipulation.

  • December 16, 2019 at 6:04 pm

    Would a person that hold grudges for every perceived slight, no matter how small -forever, keeps score, is right about everything-no matter the emotional cost to anyone else. NEVER wrong (everyone else is just not as smart, if they were, they would know he is right). Cannot converse in give and take way-just keeps saying what he wants to say, without responding to the actual conversation that is taking place. Always goes to extremes – his way or hell to pay. I can have whatever I want- until I actually decide on something and then proceeds to find reasons why I shouldn’t want it. Am I living with a narcissist? DO NOT CONTACT OR RESPOND VIA EMAIL, WE SHARE THE EMAIL ADDRESS

  • February 18, 2020 at 8:51 am

    I met a narcissist in 2006 – dated off/on until 2011 when I agreed to marry him. It is now 2020. We do not live together. My Dad was a narc – so I knew all about their crazy behavior and believed I could handle it. I’m a very strong person, mentally, but this man/boy gave “crazy” a whole new meaning. I am older , we have no kids, and I have no desire to start over. Narc “relationships” are transactional. Tit for tat. You do for me and I’ll do for you. So, he has a great retirement package/benefits that I could never afford on my own. I let him be his arrogant, selfish, disordered self. What shocked me was when we married, I thought I could bring order to his life. Guess what? Narcs HATE order. they thrive on chaos so any help I thought I could offer was a waste of time. I filed for divorce 3 yrs ago but he talked me out of it – all the while conducting a smear campaign and spreading rumors that I was cheating with a mutual friend. SO ridiculous – I Also learned do NOT try to defend yourself to flying monkeys. just lay low and hope it passes. Narcs are not for the weak with low self esteem. And those of you who know who you are and demand respect will not last with one. if you are planning to stay with one — lay low, shut up, get your emotional support elsewhere, have an interest of your own — and more importantly.. NEVER COMBINE YOUR FINANCES. if you enjoy abuse and drama, a constant roller coaster – no peace -g et with a narc.

  • March 19, 2020 at 5:19 pm

    As a former hard core drug addict now in blessed recovery I can share some tips here that work for me and my network when dealing with ANYONE let alone a narcissist.

    First- After recovering from drugs NO ONE can hurt me like me, so whatever they say is laughable

    Second – Know that we all experience narcissistic tendencies from time to time, however, at the base level “narcissism”, as classified in the DSM which for those unfamiliar – from wiki, “The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, (or DSM), is a publication for the classification of mental disorders using a common language and standard criteria. It is published by the American Psychiatric Association (APA) and is used by clinicians, researchers, psychiatric drug regulation agencies, health insurance companies, pharmaceutical companies, the legal system, and policy makers…….NARCISSISM is A MENTAL PERSONALITY DISORDER, which again from wiki, produces “A GRANDIOSE SENSE of self-importance (eg, the individual exaggerates achievements and talents and expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) A PREOCCUPATION with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love.” I believe that EXTREME INSECURITY are also at the root of this, but I’m no psychologist.

    Third – In recovery, I’ve learned so many amazing coping skills that will give you serenity in any moment, especially the diciest ones:
    and most importantly,
    TRY NOT to focus on the stupid stuff that people do

    Fourth: I love acting, and have returned to school as part of my slingshotting amazing comeback, and some of the techniques we learn in acting can help us all in any anxiety inducing experience:
    STRETCH YOUR NECK! Before you go to work, or school, waiting on the subway platform, get comfortable doing it in front on people – (well, when we return to society=) wear sunglasses if you have to . Find good neck stretching and back stretching exercises you can perform easily.
    STRETCH YOUR FACE! We hold a ton of tension in the face, you want to make a face like your screaming at the top of your lungs, hold it in place for a few seconds, repeat a few times. Face and neck and back stretches, you will be AMAZED at how you can handle anything.
    Lastly, BREATHING – In any hairy situation, you need to THINK. Breath from your belly, your diaphragm, not your chest. You want to extend your belly as if pregnant.

    Take some form of martial arts as well, yoga, working out is AMAZING. Go walking. Given our current circumstances search for online classes for some of these suggestions.

    Above all remember, YOU CONTROL your reactions, and YOU ARE UNIQUE AMAZING PATIENTLY TENACIOUS and LOVING.
    What narcissist? LOL

    Ill leave you with this from a Nigerian Business speaker when he asked his audience what kind of animal would they like to be. Many answers, lions, elephants, sharks, bears, horses…….what did he answer?
    In my best Nigerian accent, “I would like to be an eagle” He tells the crowd
    People are musing, some agree, “yeah, sure.” Others, not so much
    He then asks the crowd again,
    “Do you know how high, an eagle can fly?”
    People shake their heads.
    “An eagle can fly as high as an airplane. 10,000 feet”
    Some in the crowd react amazed, “Wow. Cool”
    He asks again, “do you know what the eagle sees at 10,000 feet?”
    The crowd gasps amazed
    “You MUST be like the eagle. Soaring above the rest. The eagle looks down and they see the chickens and pigeons yacking away, talking,” he pinches his fingers “chirping.”
    He smiles, “BE LIKE THE EAGLE” =)

  • June 26, 2020 at 3:18 am

    I’d like to see you talk about the love-bombing phase of romantic connection with a narcissist – it is astonishing and seductive to be the focus of a narcissist’s absolute adoration. And then, of course…

  • September 1, 2020 at 12:56 pm

    My half sister is a narcissist, and I’m able to recognize narcissism in many.

    From school, to work, to strangers, I’ve come across so many I’ve lost count.

    Management and coworkers are highly toxic, I just come to work now to do my job, I no longer say anything, there’s no point. I just stay out of the way and I don’t add fuel to the fire.

    Never give narcissistic bullies and their back stabbing, people pleasing narcs any ammunition to use against you. Control your emotions because they’re emotional vampires. Don’t fall for the martyred, pity act because it’s manipulative!

    Trust no one and protect yourself. You can be free even if you’re still stuck under narcissistic management. Until we have laws established all over the country, general bullying will continue and narcissists will keep slipping under the radar. Let’s make them pay by fighting school and workplace bullying!


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