4 thoughts on “8 Triangulating Tactics of the Pathological Liar

  • September 7, 2016 at 3:08 am

    I wish I had read this article back in 2002 BEFORE I entered into a long distance relationship with someone who had some major issues with lying! In fact, that was THE issue that finally caused me to admit defeat and end the relationship over seven years later.
    I first thought the lies were an occasional thing done to “save face” or protect me or someone else. Then I tried to analyze it and figure out if it was around a certain topic or situation. But when the lies became increasingly alarming such as flushing my medication one time during a visit and trying to tell me I must have counted them wrong so that is why I suddenly had much less, or taking my credit card out of my purse before leaving for work as I slept, attempting to use it and then when that failed, explaining it as “Are you missing something? I happened to find this in my car…” (I learned that was not the case definitively when we left to go out not long after and my card had been frozen due to multiple pin attempts trying to withdraw money),and lastly, pretending to have cancer I knew something was seriously wrong! Still,it took me awhile to end it due to love. But sometimes love is not enough.
    I hope your holiday weekend was a good one!

    Reply
    • September 8, 2016 at 7:58 pm

      Hi Lori,
      Thanks for your commment, as always. Long distance relationships are challenging as it is much less with the addition of complicated personality features and behaviors. He was certainly not just a pathological liar but appeared to be on the “socio-path spectrum.” What I mean by that is that his behaviors toward you were unlikely to have only happened with you and it appears, from the little explained here, that he not only lied but engaged in stealing, manipulation, and pre-meditated behaviors. No one EVER pretends to have a terminal illness. When this happens, run! That person lacks not only moral ethics but empathy. No empathy = sociopath.

      You are right Lori, sometimes love isn’t enough (or what feels like love). People like this have a very complex “system” of contributing factors and sometimes even mental health professionals may struggle to get it.

      I hope your past weekend was a good one too!
      Take care

      Reply
  • September 7, 2016 at 4:08 am

    Very complex subject..Writers, artists musicians create illusions as part and parcel of their craft. Actors practice deception, as do politicians, though they insist their version of the “truth” is correct…and how many of them have long noses…lol..
    Scientific truths per se are only true within a narrow spectrum of values. and statistics are entirely dependent on where one inserts a decimal point. Remember the accidental misplacement of this little dot with regards to the efficacy of spinach..
    But that was Ok we got Popeye , Olive Oil and Bluto…and if my intuition is correct Olive had the secret hots for Bluto…methinks she doth protest too much…lol
    I’m inclined to a theory of relativity on this. Part of learning social skills is to engage both our rational mind and our intuition to exercise a series of checks and balances in order to suss whether what we are being presented with in life is the real truth or not.
    As a former DID person PTSD being the culprit, my life coping strategy was often playing various roles with the hope of finding some sort of solid inner core. I was emotionally very brittle and would get up to all sorts of shenanigans as part of my survival technique including these and other inventions.
    Cometh the truth about my background which itself had been encased in a huge self protecting lie by my mother, then I went though a long paradigm shift to unearth the real me. Well I hope its the real me writing this, I have a calm life for the most part, a bit like sitting in a warm lagoon. Oh yes thats lovely peeps and my budding buddy connections. Course I gotta keep my bullshit detector switched on. We all have one of these, and a self delusionometer. Please keep your batteries charged…it’ll save a lot of heartache for yourself and others in the future…

    Reply
    • September 8, 2016 at 8:07 pm

      Hi Little Drummer Boy,
      It is a complex subject indeed. Sometimes professionals shy away from this subject because it’s just too complicated and the research is limited on what pathological lying is, why it happens, and how to “fix it.” We have very little answers to give victims of someone who has engaged in pathological lying. We also have very little answers on helping someone stop the lying because there are often personality traits, environmental influences, and underlying belief systems that complicate the picture.

      I like your last statement: “please keep your batteries charged…it’ll save a lot of heartache for yourself and others in the future…” So true! Unfortunately easier said than done but it is indeed a must.

      All the best

      Reply
 

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