9 thoughts on “10 Things You Should Know About Delusions

  • May 29, 2017 at 7:03 pm

    Hi, my husband has gradually become delusional over the last 25 years. His delusions are now out of control. I moved out with my children. But he just moved in with us and I can’t get him to leave. I can’t communicate with him. He is paying his rent but that’s all his electricity has been cut off. He doesn’t pay his bills because he believes that a great deal of money is owing to him and all will be sorted out then. I was going to write him a letter explaining he needs to get help with his thinking before he moves in all together but after reading your article I don’t know what to do. The children and I are not coping at all.

    Reply
    • May 29, 2017 at 7:58 pm

      Hi Tracy,

      This is really difficult because it appears that you obviously care for him which is why you let him back in. Sadly, because I’m not talking to you directly and getting background information, my suggestions are based on what you have told me so far.

      1. I would suggest that you and your kids have a plan B. Have somebody that you can live with or stay with until your husband is willing to get treatment or at least leave the home. For example, stay with your mother or his mom, a cousin or an aunt or a friend where you and your children can get the peace of mind that you need, temporarily, to continue surviving. You can’t live in a household with someone who is unstable and difficult to communicate with. You are not going to be okay under someone like this. So I would suggest having someone on the side who would be willing to let you stay with them if that needs to occur.

      2. The other thing I suggest is pursuing mental health counseling for your children and yourself. Someone to talk to or help you make decisions or help your children understand what is going on, is very helpful during this time. If you are in the state of Pennsylvania or Ohio, I do offer services in those areas. If you would like a referral to someone, go to psychologytoday.com and put in your ZIP in the find a therapist search box.

      Overall, nothing is going to work until he is willing to get treatment. I would suggest that you keep your goal as protecting you and your children at this time. He is a consenting adult who, may be refusing to get treatment, and isn’t able to control his behavior. You and your children do not deserve to go through this. Protect yourself in all the ways that you need to, have a plan B, seek therapy, keep your kids happy and content, leave the household if you must, demand he get treatment, give him an ultimatum if needed, or threaten to call the police if he becomes violent.

      At this stage in the game, it’s all about you and your kids safety.

      I wish you all the best and take good care

      Reply
  • January 18, 2018 at 8:12 am

    Hello Tamara,

    My wife is suffering from jealousy delusions disorder (Othello Syndrome) and she is accusing me of having an affair with a colleague of mine at work; and that the affair has been going on for almost two years! Off course this is totally wrong; I barely know the girl!

    After reading your post on the “10 things not to do…etc.” I realized that I made a mistake by playing along with her story and apologizing for the “supposed” affair. It’s too late now to tell her it’s not true even if I provide evidence. I can see fear in her eyes whenever I mention that it’s all in her head she gets terrified, and that’s why I played along…. What should I do now? I’m taking her to a therapist under the pretense that it’s me who is sick and in need of professional help; it’s the only way to get her to go!

    I love my wife very much; she is my rock and has always been there for me, and now she needs me but I don’t know what to do…. I don’t know if I’m enabling this behavior by playing alongor should I confront her? Should I give her evidence that I’m not having an affair? Would she believe that and go back to being the woman I married??

    Reply
    • January 19, 2018 at 12:09 am

      Hi KK,
      Thanks for your comment.
      I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. This is never easy. It’s frought with high emotions, frustration, and sometimes even resentment. Are you getting some kind of therapy yourself? I would encourage you to consider reaching out (if you don’t already have a therapist) to see if you can connect with someone who can help you navigate your wife. It sounds as if you truly love her but don’t know how to anymore with all of these challenges.

      I recently did a video on how to communicate with someone who suffers from delusional thinking patterns. I encourage you to watch and comment if you have questions.
      Take care

      Reply
    • January 19, 2018 at 12:10 am

      Hi KK,
      Thanks for your comment.
      I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. This is never easy. It’s fraught with high emotions, frustration, and sometimes even resentment. Are you getting some kind of therapy yourself? I would encourage you to consider reaching out (if you don’t already have a therapist) to see if you can connect with someone who can help you navigate your wife. It sounds as if you truly love her but don’t know how to anymore with all of these challenges.

      I recently did a video on how to communicate with someone who suffers from delusional thinking patterns. I encourage you to watch and comment if you have questions.
      Take care

      Video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DysfmZCK-wU

      Reply
  • February 23, 2018 at 3:24 pm

    Hello Támara,
    My father, lives on his own and has barricaded himself in (5 days ago). I have no way of gaining entrance. He is saying that people are out to get him, kill him and that he has done nothing wrong, bringing up things from over 30 years ago as his evidence which is also a bit delusional with no proof. He has suffered with this before and ended up in the local mental health unit about 7 years ago. I have tried talking to him via a window but his belief in this being real means he will refuse to see a doctor. Should I contact the police his doctors surgery or what.? I don’t think he would do anything stupid but I can’t see him getting better without help. It has also crossed my mind that he maybe cooking something and in his state of mind may forget and cause a fire.

    Reply
    • February 26, 2018 at 10:50 pm

      Hi nh
      Thank you for your comment. I’m sorry to hear about this. This is very tough. One reason it is tough is that your father is an adult according to state law which means there is nothing you can do unless you are his Power of Attorney or Conservatorship. Without these things, he’s likely to be difficult and perhaps too difficult for you to handle. In cases such as these, I would consider calling the elder abuse line and asking them for suggestions on how to handle this. In some cases, you can call the police (which can be intimidating and frightening so I suggest caution) and have them do what is called a “wellness check.” They can ensure he is safe and may ask him some questions that will get him moving in the right direction.
      I’m sorry there isn’t much we can do in cases such as these. The best approach is educating yourself and preventing further “damage.”
      Take care

      Reply
  • April 9, 2018 at 1:56 am

    Hi,
    I have basically just one question about my upper middle-aged daughter who developed delusions in connection with her new husband who died of cancer about 10 years ago. She had never had any kind of delusional disorder. She started automatic writing to reach him and I don’t know at what point it became seriously delusional, but she wound up losing everything and in jail for two months from some irrational choices she made based on her channeled “voices.” She stayed with me for a while after jail and treated me badly. By that time I had read a great deal of her notebooks of automatic writing and was dismayed by the extreme and flamboyant fantasies she was “taking part in.” She stopped sharing her delusions when I decide they could not possibly be real. That was long before she lost the house, her daughter, her money, everything. She cites me as evil in her books. When we tried to make a go of it, I insisted that she talk about her delusions to me, as I wanted to know if she still thought I was evil. She refused to talk about it. A relative paid for her apartment and schooling after she moved out of my place. I thought they should insist that she talk about her delusions to the therapist they mandated her to go to. They said no, they would not do that. Long story short, she finished her schooling and is with a new therapist that she loves. The therapist was told about the delusions, but said my dau has not talked about them yet, but she is doing much better in many ways. This therapist is better than the first four. I pray for her to do well, but I still wonder how she will do if she still has these destructive delusions and won’t admit that she has them. She is telling my relatives she is too anxious to work, so my relatives keep providing support, UNTIL she feels well enough to work. But I think she is still living by herself and has no friends, sees no family. She used to be a most sociable person.

    What I’d like to know from you is whether it will make any difference to her therapy and her healing if she doesn’t admit she has delusions—but talks about most other things, like feelings and thoughts. She always was a talker about herself. Many of her fore-bearers have been mental health workers, such as my father, a psychiatrist, and I was a counselor before I retired. She knows the game, but she sees herself as a victim, which always drove me crazy… Anyway, This therapist is very sophisticated and has lots of tools in her belt. She does not believe my dau should talk about her delusions if she does not want to, including not talking about that she HAS delusions. I don’t even know if she still does. She has just blocked my email, as I am insistent with her that she should try her best to heal so that she can get back with her daughter, so she doesn’t see me as supportive. And me, and I feel I don’t want to be in a relationship with her, as we tried, and she’d just be very phony and stiff and then have a temper tantrum if something went a little wrong.
    But inside I am very sad.

    So 1/ will she be ever able to heal if no one mentions her delusions in therapy?
    2/ does it make sense that I insist on her talking about her delusions so that I can know if she still basically thinks of me as evil? (I know you will say that it’s up to me, but I hope you will say a bit more about it than that.) I appreciate this opportunity. You can publish this if you want, because it sounds like that’s part of the deal. (by the way, there is no way that she was not delusional, I have evidence galore. But she gets by divinely, no one guesses the truth. She used to be in school plays.)

    Reply
    • April 17, 2018 at 12:17 am

      Hi Denise,
      Thanks for sharing and commenting.
      I want to directly answer the following good question:

      What I’d like to know from you is whether it will make any difference to her therapy and her healing if she doesn’t admit she has delusions—but talks about most other things, like feelings and thoughts. She always was a talker about herself.

      The quick answer is…no. The long answer is that it depends. It is always good to share what is really going on when one is in therapy. As you stated, how are you supposed to get better if you don’t talk about what’s wrong? So yes, she needs to talk. However, she would also have to take into consideration how close she is with her therapist, how trusting their relationship is, how open she is able to be with her therapist, and how experienced her therapist is with this topic. Sadly, some therapists simply aren’t experienced enough with delusions and may cause more harm than do good in trying to understand the delusions. It is often very important for the sufferer to share their delusions with their therapist and then ask for help in managing them. The sad part is that, as I stated in the article, delusions are difficult to treat and a lot of people who have them struggle with overcoming them. Most people who have delusions believe in their delusions and nothing or no one is going to sway them.

      So to your question: will it really make a difference that you encourage her to share them? No. Because if she doesn’t believe anything is wrong and doesn’t believe her delusions are in fact delusions, then why would she mention them? She would most likely shy away from this.

      My suggestion to you would be to see if she will let you accompany her to one of her therapy appointments. You can state that you need support in understanding things and that her therapist may help you understand things better. You can then share your concerns during that session.

      This is a very tough situation. I wish you the best in dealing with it.

      Reply
 

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