42 thoughts on “10 Signs You’re Dealing With An Emotionally Needy Narcissist

  • September 17, 2015 at 2:16 pm

    This article sounds less like a truly informative article, and more like an attack on those individuals suffering from a personality disorder. From a systemic perspective, it is my belief that all personality disorders are adaptations. They are ways that one had learned ( often unconsciously) to cope with social and environmental factors that have caused trauma in some way. Until we as clinicians can come to understand such individuals as people who are hurt, criticizing their behavior will not serve any of us.

    Reply
    • September 17, 2015 at 4:29 pm

      Hi Stephanie, thanks for your input. I think it will help if I explain what the article was intended to do.

      The article is certainly not intended to criticize as we both know, as clinicians, ethically we must help society not condemn them. We must also, morally, strive to help them develop insight and change their behavior. But it is also our duty to speak on behalf of the family members and individuals who have become victims of narcissistic personality disorders. This was the aim of the article. The aim of the article is to speak in the voice of a family member, friend, spouse, or anyone else who may feel that they have been treated very harshly by a narcissist. It’s important that family members understand that we understand their pain. Again I thank you for your comment.

      Reply
    • September 19, 2015 at 4:14 pm

      Thanks, Stephanie. There are unfortunately very few people, it seems to me, who are willing to speak up for people who have personality disorders and how things may seem and feel to us. Few professionals, even, to whom it would occur “to speak in the voice of” someone who has seen therapist after therapist who don’t get it, don’t see the underlying problem(s) and then shamed the client when the problems emerged. I have suffered for years and my adult children have suffered because the best I could do wasn’t very good and the “help” I got sometimes made things worse. I don’t have NPD but some of the behavior described in the article could have applied to me — nobody told me, though. I’ve had some good therapy for the last 5 years but I just lucked into it and I am now old. The attitude expressed in this article gives me the shivers.

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      • September 19, 2015 at 4:23 pm

        Melanie,
        thanks for your input. I see your point and I respect that. However, I encourage you to see the article from the lense of someone who has been hurt by a narcissistic person. sadly, I think many readers see narcissism as being similar to other personality disorders that can benefit from compassion such as borderline personality disorder. Narcissism is very, very different. You must see the narcissistic person as someone who doesn’t care about your feelings and never will. They lack insight and the ability to care for others. They walk around with a cold indifference. Someone like you, who seems to be aware of how others feel would be able to empathize with others. The narcissist would not.

        The thing that gives me the “shivers” is knowing that so many people become victims to cold, indifferent narcissists.

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    • October 15, 2016 at 8:34 am

      I disagree. This article is more comprehensive than other articles I’ve read. It breaks it down into subgroups of narcissistic behavior. I appreciate the insight.

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      • December 28, 2016 at 1:17 am

        I had an experience with a narcissist and she appeared to know what she was doing as if this had become a way of coping with a reality that she otherwise couldn’t face . In my experience, she did seem insightful in an emotional sense, but clearly calculating in how she was going to use all of this to self serve. There was also an attempt to leech a sympathetic response to her extremely poor conduct, by hinting toward a childhood trauma. Once I realized the game for what it was, she threatened my life and dropped me like I was old news. Years later i confronted her about it and she acted as if none of this ever happened. And that she wishes me well etc.. I agree, that compassion is a great thing, however it is never received nor reciprocal when you are dealing with narcissism. I did feel exploited and unheard when I tried to talk about it. As far as I can tell, this is a part of the aim. It is very cold, because they move from one to the next. I remember her telling me that ‘I have to let people be where they need to be’ that marked the most dysfunctional thing I think I ever heard come out of anyone’s mouth.

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      • December 30, 2016 at 9:43 pm

        Hi Aubrey,
        Thanks for commenting. You point out an important fact to keep your eyes open to when dealing with a narcissistic personality:

        I agree, that compassion is a great thing, however it is never received nor reciprocal when you are dealing with narcissism. I did feel exploited and unheard when I tried to talk about it.

        If you begin to feel used, exploited, unheard, manipulated, unloved or uncared for, you’re in for the ride of your life unless you jump ship early enough to save yourself, your life, and your sanity. For some people, they don’t see the narcissistic traits until it is absolutely too late.
        Take care

        Reply
      • March 17, 2017 at 11:02 am

        It’s never too late to break free from a narcissist and heal, if you are alive.

        Reply
    • February 4, 2018 at 12:02 pm

      Wondering if you skimmed the article or read it outright. Because at the beginning, it clearly states that this is NOT an attack on people who behave this way. It’s a description. Those of us who have to deal with destructive or harmful effects of being around these types need as many resources as we can get. G’day

      Reply
  • September 18, 2015 at 1:25 am

    I found myself nodding in recognition at the points raised in this article. It’s extremely helpful to me to be able to get perspective on an incident I where I was gaslighted by one with a socially attractive veneer. It’s been very important to my growth to learn to differentiate between a stranger’s learned behavior vs their personality. I’ve also wanted to separate my “normal” from what was overt abuse of me, so that I can become a true member of society.

    The person who attacked me had also used being a foster parent as a screen, abusing his own children to make room for even more foster kids to get more money. Articles like this one help many of us sharpen our eyes to look for patterns hovering beneath too-quick assumptions.

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    • September 18, 2015 at 4:38 pm

      Thank you Upsie _ Daisy for your comment. I appreciate you offering a balanced view.
      Take care

      Reply
  • September 19, 2015 at 1:35 am

    Nodded to 3/4 of these in regards to my husband. Only wish I had read this 6-7 years ago, keep sharing. you may help someone avoid a suffocating
    relationship, being manipulated, almost brainwashed to see the other person’s way as right.

    Reply
  • September 19, 2015 at 12:07 pm

    I found this article very interesting. I agree with Stephanie that it felt like ‘an attack’, so I was happy to read the author’s reply. Now the article makes more sense.

    I would enjoy reading a follow up post on why certain people (like myself) attract emotionally needy people. I too suffer from short term relationships, both with friends and boyfriends, but it tends to be me who pulls away because of a perceived lack of authenticity. For example, I noticed one friend always talked about herself, her troublesome search for a job, her boyfriend woes, her stress at finding a place to live. But when all this turned around, the conversations were STILL about her. And the men I meet come on hard and fast (aren’t I beautiful, exciting, etc) but the moment I say something like, ‘I notice you always talk about yourself; aren’t you interested in learning more about me?” they tend to drift away.

    I wonder in the case of narcissists if like attracts like, and if so, is there a huge blind spot I am missing. I do know I am compassionate (without strings attached) and that my feelings towards people are genuine.

    Thank you for your posts, they are very useful.

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    • September 19, 2015 at 4:29 pm

      Hi Kari,
      Thank you for your balanced and fair input. I appreciate that while you are aware that the article can come off as “harsh,” you see the point.

      Allow me to start out Kari by saying that many of us seem to “attract” narcissists to us. The reason for this seems to be that we are inherently attracted to people who “hit all of our bells and whistles” in the social, emotional, psychological, and intellectual realm. A narcissist is often “intuitive” to a certain extent and knows exactly what most people are looking for. Many of us are drawn to intelligence, beauty, sex appeal, prestige, strong career-oriented people, and “go-getters.” The narcissist can model all of these traits and more! Some narcissists are so good that they don’t begin showing their true colors until after the wedding or years down the line. I don’t think any one of us should blame ourselves for being attracted to what appears to be strong personal attributes. It’s normal. The problem is not us, but the narcissist. They lack the skills, we don’t.

      However, I must say that there are some people who do seem more prone to ending up in relationships with narcissistic personalities. These individuals seem to struggle with self-esteem, self-efficacy, and identity. I see this a lot with teen girls. I would be happy to explore this topic the week after next.

      All the best

      Reply
  • September 19, 2015 at 4:45 pm

    I’m easily sucked in by narcissistic types. Unfortunately, I don’t have the emotional capability to resist these people. I was raised in a very abusive home, and I’ve struggled for years to be “OK.” It feels so good to be flattered after being told you were worthless and unlovable for so long.

    I’m in tears all of a sudden.

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  • September 19, 2015 at 9:59 pm

    Adopted from a different country w disabilities and lots of operations. I don’t need to say much more lol!

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  • September 20, 2015 at 5:21 pm

    I found one of my best friends dead in her house.
    I called friends who knew her and many came over to help me deal with this traumatic situation.
    One “friend” said she would be right over and will bring food. She did just that and said, “here are the bagels. Turn the TV on. I have to watch the Bachelor”.

    There’s more but I just don’t want to deal with telling it all.

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    • September 24, 2015 at 9:10 am

      Wow, I’m so sorry you had that experience. That is shocking.

      Reply
  • September 21, 2015 at 7:44 am

    2. Was my worst friend, she was family orientated to the point she felt uncomfortable continuing friendships with friends.
    6-9 was how a person slowly drained me dry, it was all good till I need motivational speeches and comfort and legitimate presence for me. 7 was why I walked out. 8 and 9 is why we fought. I had to live her way, which is devotion to her but she was giving me nothing. One cna not give another person zilch and then get angry that person wants to seek FRIENSHIP else where.

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  • September 21, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Hi Tamara,

    I stumbeled upon this article after reading a article on how to not overthink. I read this article and now strongly believe that I am a emotionally needy narcissist. I accepted myself as a narcissist long back but was not able to pin point my pain points. After reading this article I strongly believe I am not doing justice to my parenrs, spouse and friends. I feel offended easily, I dont confront when I feel offended. I get bored easily, I pickup personality traits and try to react like other in some situations where I have ni clue what to do, for some reason I imagine others at my place and then take a action, sometime it helps most of the times it dont. I feel left out anf hollow since I am losing my empathy and sense of fellowship, I feel like a robot, who can be programmed to talk and speak in a particular way.

    Can you please help me by pointing out the ways, by which I xan cure myself. I want a identity of my own, no matter impressive or not , but genuine .

    Reply
  • January 9, 2016 at 7:00 pm

    Your article describes me full on and I am scared that I am hurting others with it. Unfortunately there is no way of retreating from society completely. At this point I’m desperate for getting out of being this way. It is destroying my life since I can’t deal with searching for approval all the time and the way it affects my relationships. While I was still blinded by my umconscious intentions I chose an career that puts me in a very important position in other’s lives. Now I have to work off my my study bursary and am stuck in this job for five more years and am scared of what harm I could do. Since so many of the things I do happen automatically and my need for approval constantly overwhelms me I don’t know how to controll my behaviour. I regularly see a psychologist who has helped me a lot, especially with how to deal with self manipulation. Maybe this will give me a clearer path. I knew I had some narcicistic traits but I always believed that I genuinely cared for others. But I’m noticing that my care for others only lasts as long as I see them and then I’m stuck in my own world concerned with myself. I am completely numb towards others but need them otherwise I feel like nothing. I can’t deal with negative emotions around me. I constantly need people smiling around me, otherwise I hate myself and retreat into myself. I constantly need people to concentrate on me. I even found myself acting negatively to achieve that goal. Knowing this, I might be able to fight it. I hate it and I hate myself for it.

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    • April 6, 2016 at 4:09 am

      Zoom,

      I too am an emotionally needy narcissist, who desperately wants to recover. I relate completely to your thoughts. I am happy to share with you, and vica versa, if you feel it could help you, and in turn me. It is soo frustrating to be in my head, and want to manage and control everything around me to be just perfect.

      Reply
  • March 7, 2016 at 5:50 pm

    Hi Tamara
    Regarding point 7, could you give an example of ” going contrary”, I am having a difficulty imagining it.Perhaps it means always saying “No”, but then how is a relationship possible with such a person?

    Reply
  • April 6, 2016 at 4:03 am

    I am most definitely an emotionally needy narcissist. i started off thinking my boyfriend of many years is this way….as he would regularly give me the silent treatment…..but the more I read, the more I realised it was me. Not a typical narcissist, but the kind you have talked about…..with almost every single one of these traits applying to me. Right down to the foster kid. I look for validation 24/7…..and at times I feel sick of myself and who I am. It is so damn difficult to be in my head…..and all the conversations I have with myself. I end up exhausting myself. I have not seen a therapist, but am trying to work threw my own flaws and be more authentic. I have close friends and family…..but some things just do not strike me. My question is, is recovery possible?? or will I always be this way?

    I will be more than happy to receive anyones feedback and response.

    Reply
  • April 29, 2016 at 4:57 pm

    After reading the above point on Narc, Traits I found it really spot on and wish more people in a professional occupation would help both sides to feel supported in therapy!
    I was raised by a NPD parent and seen the havoc his disorder caused and he never got help and still deals with many people SCARY!!!!
    Having a Business I have met many of these types of people and feel sad that their pets are often used to get attention even at the cost of the pet suffering with hours in the Salon under hot dryers to be fluffed and preened just because visitors are coming and the pet needs to look perfect. I feel empathy for these people that they are so desperate for love they will go too this extreme however I feel like reporting them at the same time.

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  • December 14, 2016 at 6:15 pm

    Dear Tamara:
    Thank you for your article. I was considering severing a friendship with someone I was considering to be very needy and always needing a favor hiding selfishness with pseudo empathy but at the end it was always about being useful to a narcissist not a mutually supportive friendship. Instead of engaging in a confrontation or an accusation which would have led to being slandered or having the narcissist project their insecurities on me, I simply said “no” to favors or impositions enough times that the needy friend disappeared once I was not useful or helpful. Your description of a needy narcissist described this individual’s behavior to surprising detail. It was my validation of what needed to be done but the intelligent way. So thank you most sincerely, Charles

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    • December 17, 2016 at 11:33 am

      Thank you Charles for your kind comments. I’m glad you found the article helpful.
      I would say, that in your circumstance, you should follow what your intuition (or “gut”) is telling you. If you are considering ending your friendship, that means something is really wrong and you don’t see any hope. Friendship is kind of like a marriage: when it’s working, it works. When it is not working, you know it. It can’t be hidden. The moment you start thinking of divorce, that’s the moment you realize you either don’t want to make it work anymore or can’t make it work anymore. Follow what you strongly believe you should do.

      Take good care

      Reply
  • January 7, 2017 at 11:09 pm

    I have an aging extremely narcissistic mother. Sometimes I think she forgets who she is talking to and she will brag about her teaching skills. (she became a teacher when I was an adult) When I was a child, she did not help with homework or attend parent-teacher conferences, etc. As a teen, she flirted with my boyfriends, etc. She spends money on plastic surgery and tells the same stories over and over about how beautiful she was/is and always tells me I look tired. Yesterday, I told her I had flu symptoms and she still wanted me to move a piece of furniture because it would look better elsewhere, with no regard to how I felt. Years ago, I would have just done it but I told her no. I am tempted to call her on some of the selfish harmful things she has done to me as a parent but it’s probably pointless. I am trying to help her as she ages but I am still so angry.

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  • January 24, 2017 at 7:29 pm

    Hello Tamara, and thank you for the article. I hope it’s not too late and you will see this.

    I came across it by searching for the type of people who need affection (but I suppose that is just being needy in a narcissist’s case ?) and yet seem like they are bragging sometimes, or fishing for compliments. I found what I was looking for. Your article is accurate… it really does describe me.

    I’m writing because I hope you can help me. I’m sorry if I have been mean and not empathetic… I’m sorry for the times when I manipulated people because I wanted attention… Are we really as unlovable as what you described ? There’s a lot that I don’t understand of others, and of what place I have between them… I try to be normal, I promise… I know, and I knew before reading your article, that what I was doing wasn’t right… that there were real people who spoke with all the sincerity in their hearts, like children, as opposed to me who just acted like them to get some affection… Is it really affection that us narcissists seek ? Or is “affection” too pure a word to be used for us ? … There is one thing good about me, that I can console myself about : in all the times where I manipulated people, I did it for things that I had already experienced and for which I had never gotten any help. What I was doing, by manipulating people, was acting like I was still very much hurting from what had happened to me, whereas I was actually not that much in pain anymore. I’m sorry… I’m so very sorry… But if I don’t do that, I will never get any recognition or affection from anyone, because I’m alone… I see people get hurt and have people to help them, to give them hugs, their friends, their family, and… I guess it feels unfair… I would love to be normal… I wish for someone so much… I wish to have someone like they do, but as I am now, well… who would love someone already so flawed ?

    Please don’t feel bad or think this is against you or what you wrote, because you were right in writing it, and I would have written the same compassionate words if I had been normal ; in one of the first comment replies you wrote, you said that the purpose of your article was for people who have had relationships with narcissists not to feel unloved or uncared for… and it broke my heart to see that because of what I am, I will never get the care that you and other people give to those who were the narcissist’s victims, the “normal” people… that I am the person that people are so against, that I am the narcissist, and that I will never be loved by people in ways other than by instigating the affection they might bring to me.

    I’m still young and I know that being used to things is one of the keys in human nature… Can I change before it’s too late ? Do I have any hope ?

    This was written from my heart and with no intention of manipulating whatsoever. Please respond… and thank you for reading.

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    • January 28, 2017 at 11:48 am

      Hi Jude,
      Thanks for sharing. It certainly is not too late for me to comment on your post. I see that you are struggling with some guilt over how you have possibly interacted with others in the past and have treated them. I find it interesting that you have this level of insight despite possibly struggling with a personality disorder that prevents you from authentically engaging in relationships. Because I don’t have your full history I would not be able to hypothesize what could be going on here, but I can offer some ideas based on my experience.

      With your level of insight it is possible that you can change or at least work toward making some changes 1 step at a time. Acting to get affection or acting to deceive others into believing you are one way that you truly are not is not only deceptive to say the least, but can be cunning and evil. I’m sure you are well aware of that. These behaviors can lead to others not only running away but staying away because they don’t want to be hurt which is often the end result of manipulation and deception.

      Have you ever pursued your own therapist? A therapist may be able to delve into your past to see when these behaviors began to emerge and what the triggers could possibly be. It is possible that what you described to me could be the result of the following: trauma, abuse/neglect, being deceived or manipulated by someone you trusted, or a personality disorder that makes it very difficult for you to interact with others in a healthy fashion. A good therapist will do an evaluation, have you complete a few self-report surveys or scales to help narrow down a diagnosis, and engage you in exploring your past.

      To answer your final question: “Can I change before it’s too late? Do I have any hope?” Yes. I think that with your level of insight and ability to see how you affect others, is the first sign of hope.
      Most people with personality disorders such as narcissism do not see where they affect others and often do not have guilt or remorse. Their “guilt or remorse” is often in the form of feeling guilty because they were caught manipulating or feeling remorse because they have lost something like a marriage or prestige that gave them an identity. For you, it appears you understand what has gone wrong and may be willing to fix it. That’s a sign that there is hope.

      Take good care

      Reply
  • March 5, 2017 at 11:46 am

    I have recently thought that I am a Narcissist of some type, and have been leaning towards the type you describe. But your article seems like an attack on this type of person.

    What seems to be lacking or isn’t explained, is that people with NPD do not function in the same way as a normal person would. You make any positives a person with this kind of PD may have appear as negatives.

    So what if they do it for selfish reason? They still are doing good things, like helping at church functions and giving to the poor. It seems totally unfair that you then turn this to fuel the fire of suspicion and distrust because of the motives rather than the outcome.

    I do partake in many of things you mention, not for any callous or vindictive reason, but because sometimes feeling lonely or being alone is painful and really very difficult to handle. Something which it would seem people just do not understand. You make it sound like these type of people are monsters that are just out to watch the world burn and that is not true.

    James.

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  • April 2, 2017 at 4:56 pm

    Its impossible to connect with narcissists, they have several identies and no sense of irony. You’ll feel alone around these busy people, playing the supporting role when it suits them. Out of sight out of mind is the truth, they all cheat.

    Trust your gut and escape

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  • April 13, 2017 at 5:54 am

    The article was very insightful for me, because I realized that all my “issues” as an adult were related to narcissism, but how? I couldn`t identify what was wrong with my mother, having read many articles and books on narcissism–she seemed like a narcissist, but didn`t display the most commonly named “symptoms” of narcissism. This, however, fit her exactly and now I can (painfully) accept her situation. I obviously cannot leave her-I don`t even know if I can ever “recover” from her. She will always be out of tune with me, emotionally absent, rarely drawing me in emotionally only to drop me later. When she needs me, I feel so close and in tune with her, but when that literal moment passes, she pushes me away and maintains the usual cold distance to which I am so accustomed. I know that I am similar and hurt my children in similar ways. This article will serve, then, to help me become better. I`m almost forty years old, a wasted life.

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  • June 2, 2017 at 10:40 am

    I think people should understand that most usually, you do not have a narcassistic disorder if you can see the issues for yourself and have guilt. Average people have narcassistic behaviors, without having a disorder. The disorder comes from the inability to see it for yourself and to change it on your own. If you do see that you have some narcissistic behaviors, address them, and make yourself more aware when you act in such a manner, you can change the behavior over time and being conscientious. Having an actual personality disorder involving narcassism is very different. You are completely unaware of yourself and usually unable to change, as it is an evolving disease, that feeds itself.

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  • July 5, 2017 at 6:15 pm

    i don’t think the article you wrote was offensive or an attack on anyone in any way. The truth hurts,and some people just don’t want to hear it. We destroy peoples lives.

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    • July 6, 2017 at 10:11 am

      Hi C,
      Thank you so much. I appreciate that. My intent was not to offend, of course. My intent was to bring to light the challenges faced for many people.
      Take care

      Reply
  • October 13, 2017 at 4:22 pm

    I very much appreciate this article. And I also want to extend my gratitude to those commenters identifying as “narcissists” along with their honest internal insights. I think I needed to hear that especially. I’m seeking to forgive my mother. At 40, thinking I was mostly past all the angst and inner turmoil, a situation arose where I and my family needed to stay with her for a short time. Many positive things started happening in my life at that point. But the statement “you are always welcome here, this will always be your home.” given with such slathery gooey love wore off after about 2 weeks… then my old mom popped out. Nothing I dd was enough. She started slandering me to anyone who would listen, placing herself in her favorite victim role. She became distant and withholding of her love, even to her grandchild… who did NOTHING but exist as an extension of me (the villain). I became all over again the burden I used to be to her. She withholds love, exaggerates her woes, won’t ask for help (but resents when help isn’t offered), and her body language is blatantly obvious when put off. It all became about her comfort and THINGS being displaced in her home (for the safety of my child) rather than someone’s heart. At the end of a very draining week trying to keep her place tidy and doing extras to show my appreciation, I was met with “This place is a T-total disaster!” (It so wasn’t.) and “You never think of me!” (that’s actually all I did.) I even caught her doing intentionally mean-spirited things like replacing the hand towel for us with her butt/foot towel before leaving for the weekend. Drama drama, blah blah blah. There’s no end to her selfishness.
    So I suppose I needed this mishap in my life to shed light on how I still am affected so deeply.
    And in trying to find, yet again, compassion for her, I found some of these comments touching my heart. It’s VERY hard to imagine her giving a damn when she behaves so hatefully. And while she truly is disturbed and seemingly does kind things only for self gain and praise of others (because she totally tells everyone all the good she does too)… I guess she’s doing the only thing she knows how to do to get a momentary feel-good in her otherwise lonely life. *sigh*
    So thank you for the empathy in the article.
    And thank you commenters who admittedly do these things but express wanting to change… it gives me a glimmer of hope that somewhere deep inside of her, she’s maybe just longing for approval she never got, and perhaps fears she’s not going to get it any other way.
    I’ve long since realized that nearly all the degrading comments from her in my youth were projections of herself… but they still haunt my self-worth. Nevertheless… I will try to forgive. I pray she doesn’t use that as another “free pass” to continue her behavior.
    Set BOUNDARIES! (I say to myself)
    Stop REACTING! and let her just pout when she digs for compliments but gets none. It’s on her to figure it out. I must detach, but remain.
    It’s hard.
    Hope this at least helps someone know they’re not alone. The struggle is real.
    HERE is some true hope… In realizing I’m still struggling with this, I’m not raging mad anymore, and I’m not burdened with excessive crying spells like I once was. It DOES get better little by little if you keep addressing the turmoil as it arises.
    What was once a glaringly impossible large mountain that drained me of all energy to even begin climbing is now a junk heap of leftover trash that I have to attend to from time to time with a lot of positive self-talk.
    ❤ Please excuse my long-winded ways. I mean well.

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    • October 17, 2017 at 9:01 pm

      Never Ending Cycle,
      Thanks so much for your humbling comments and for sharing your story. This is a battle for a lot of people and I didn’t realize just how many until I wrote this article. Maybe, just maybe this the comments from this article can be a catalyst to an even greater discussion on this topic. It isn’t discussed as often (and as loudly) as it should be.
      Take good care

      Reply
  • October 18, 2018 at 12:48 am

    Points 8 and 9 describe exactly the person I’ve been dealing with. I have been struggling to decide whether he is a narcissist because I have only known the overt and verbally abusive type before.

    I was introduced to an older man in the neighborhood who appeared respectable and quiet. But every time I said anything about what I liked or what I had done, he would disagree and tell me what to think and do instead.

    He also became clingy after knowing me for a few minutes. I had meant to have a casual acquaintance but he acted like we had formed a deep friendship as soon as we met. He constantly claimed to be concerned about me and harassed me without empathy to fulfill his need for attention until I cut him out of my life. All this from some harmless looking guy I met in the street.

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  • December 4, 2018 at 4:18 pm

    There are a few behaviours I recognise in myself here, but I will say that I grew up in a chaotic, turbulent home with a very disturbed, malignant narcissist mother. I have had explosive anger issues as a result of fighting with her from the age of 5, and still do 40 years later. I have no patience with people as I have in my life been very invested in the pursuit of perfection and self-betterment. I explode when I think someone is doing something wrong or idiotic.

    I have always been driven to achieve, yet never landed a good job. No-one understands why I can’t get a decent job, because I do all the right things. I try to be the best I possibly can, yet people have always been extremely rude to me, possibly out of jealousy. I have on numerous occasions been told to dumb myself down. I seem to rub people up the wrong way. Mind you, I think they themselves are all narcissists, covert or otherwise!

    Before you say this sounds exactly like an emotionally needy narcissist – it is, and it isn’t. I didn’t set out to rub people up the wrong way. Through circumstances I was placed in in early childhood, I was labelled, and the label stuck, and this only served to reinforce negative behaviours between myself and others. As a little child, I hadn’t done anything wrong. It was the situations my mother put me into that were wrong. Since she was unavailable much of the time, and herself hated me, much of the dislike people felt for her got transferred onto me, and it stayed that way.

    People are very competitive, and moreover, they don’t like competition. Because of my life experiences, I have become very much in need of a lot of support. I don’t have a secure family background, for example. That’s why I’m needy, as it really messed me up.

    I am the best I have ever been, and people seem to hate me more than ever.

    Reply
  • May 22, 2019 at 8:00 pm

    I have been a victim of emotionally needy people in many ways. I’ve been involved in relationships where the guy appeared to be crazy about me only to change from hot to cold once the feelings were reciprocated. It dawned on me that the relationship was no longer exciting now that the chase was over but I had a hard time understanding how someone can just walk away and not look back.

    Also, I have a friend who always call me with their problems or, when they need encouragement. They will call me many times a day and I find myself constantly encouraging them. If I don’t feel like being bothered they’re good at manipulating me with guilt trips.

    I did all this thinking I had someone who I could count on when I needed a shoulder to cry on or encouragement. My, heart was broken when I found out different. When I’m going through something they can’t be bothered to talk on the phone or if they do, they give me five minutes and its back to them.

    I think I put up with it because I know the person has issues but we all do and I’m tired any advice? Just to let you know, I tried talking to this person but they made me feel like I was trying to hurt them so I backed off.

    Reply
 

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