32 thoughts on “Mental Health: 12 Things Adopted/Foster Children Wish You Knew

  • July 30, 2015 at 2:05 pm

    Does anyone know what the requirements are to be eligible to have a foster child in my home ,in California.I surely would try to help someone and know that if I would succeed,then this would come with challenges,but bring great positive feelings for all involved.The only thing lingering is that I would think there would be too many requirements,for example,I am a sigle mom.

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    • July 30, 2015 at 9:01 pm

      Try contacting a local foster care agency. They can let you know the requirements in your state. I am pretty sure being single is not an issue in most if not all areas. There are many, many single foster parents.

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    • July 30, 2015 at 11:01 pm

      Hi Cynthia,
      I would contact your local Family Law Division or Court to ask for information or your local child and youth services department (an agency that removes kids from homes when they are abused or neglected). You can also just Google “adoption in California” and see what you come up with.
      All the best

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    • July 31, 2015 at 6:24 pm

      I would suggest the department of Social Services, asking for their Child Welfare Division.

      You can be single and be a foster parent. What they will want to know about your is – everything! And they are looking to see if you have a stable life, have some support system, what other people you may have in your home regularly. They need to know of you can accept uncertainty and be able to work cooperatively with the agencies involved – the placing agency, schools, others. And there will be training, and a home study. If you are serious, good foster parents are needed everywhere. But you do make your life an open book. Good luck!

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  • July 30, 2015 at 4:58 pm

    Along with those 12 items listed, could you please give solutions and pathways to resolution for parents to use? You are placing a ton of blame on the parents, and took all responsibility away from the children, using their history as the reason why. Please let us know what to do when a child hits the limits of being safe, become sociopathic, has no empathy or guilt, refuses to follow rules, and is a danger to others. I cannot imagine the pain these kids are going through but you completely dismissed all parents that cannot deal with said children.

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    • July 30, 2015 at 8:56 pm

      Totally agree with you. There is little to no effective support after adoption, and the attempt of many of these articles to guilt adoptive parents into sticking with a child fails to take into consideration that there is an entire family at risk with a severely behavior – disordered child. Generally, I don’t feel it is the adoptive parents that have failed this child, but the lack of supports and effective treatment. Our mental health programs and resources leave a lot to be desired to begin with, but add to it the minimal financial resources most adoptive families have to begin with and it becomes exponentially worse. Many ads emphasize that you don’t have to be perfect to be a foster/adoptive parent, but don’t add that it helps to have a master’s degree in therapeutic care for SOME of the children. Not many, but some.

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    • July 30, 2015 at 9:12 pm

      Roxyann,
      Thanks for your comment. I certainly do see your side of the situation but we must keep in mind that articles like mine are written to educate foster and adoptive parents to the pain that these children feel when they are “abandoned.” Children who are adopted or fostered do not ask to be adopted by a particular family. Sadly, some families are not quite ready for the challenges that often come with foster children or adopted children. This is what leads to children being placed right back into the system.

      It is important that we keep in mind that adopted children and foster children are not individuals just to give back to the system when we find them difficult to work with or live with. There are many biological families who feel burdened by their child’s mental health issues and they certainly cannot “abandon” those children. I am very aware of the challenges, emotional problems, behavioral problems, and lifelong difficulties that families who adopt or foster deal with. I feel for them because I work with them…a lot.

      But I often see families who adopt or foster children want to give those kids back when they don’t perform at a certain level, when their mental health problem is too much to deal with, or when there is no bond and the behaviors are extreme. Imagine if this were your biological child, would you be able to just give them up and put them into the system? Absolutely not. Most bio-parents would be tagged as a parent who abandoned their child, you would also have to pay child support, and continue to support the child while they remain in the system. The same rules should go for adopted and foster parents as well. That’s the purpose of this article. To advocate for the voiceless.

      I would be happy to address solutions next week as I will continue this discussion.

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    • July 30, 2015 at 10:28 pm

      Has this writer ever adopted a child from foster care? Do they know what it’s like to love a child with every ounce of their souls, as if they are their own, and to try years and years of every intervention and support possible? Only to have the child put you in danger…and the rest of the family and people he comes into contact with? Does the writer have any idea how heart wrenching it is to watch their adopted child suffer? How torn the families become? To make the decision that you cannot keep others safe in their presence? If not you have no business saying foster/adopted families are “throwing away” these kids.

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    • July 31, 2015 at 9:53 am

      I am speaking as a former foster child who was adopted twice, and I am also a social worker in the field now. I believe that the ideal environment to take on a foster/adoptive child is one in which no biologics children are present. It is completely natural that one would choose to protect the rest of their household from the stress or emotional toll that behavioral problems present. But what these kids truly need is to gain the status that a biological child has, and be treated and become convinced that giving them up, giving up on them, is 100% NEVER an option. That no one else’s needs will be put before theirs as the child. If kids know that there’s a possibility that you will give up on (reject) them, they will never fully heal or feel totally comfortable. They need you to have a much higher tolerance for the first 2 years for things that other kids should be severely punished for. Every defiance needs to be viewed as a test of your commitment to them. Not every one who is a good parent or good person has the strength to do this. Ive seen too many people who thought that if they just gave a child a nice home with access to positive opportunities and experiences, that they would just live the child’s problems away. The reality is the child will have some lifelong issues. You can help them to learn to deal with those issues more successfully, but not erase them. I also see so many people who dont seem to understand that you can’t use the same discipline you used on your undamaged bio children on these kids. They will take it as you rejecting them, and begin to expect that you will give up on them. A foster parent needs patience and confidence above all else, to be able to not allow the child hurting their feelings or disappointing them to ever be seen by the child. To give a constant message of I accept you, I will never give up on you, I want to understand you but I admit that I can’t, what you have been through is not your fault, your issues are not your fault and I am determined to help you to be happy. You can not push me away. Its a lot to ask and I don’t think most people are up to the task sadly far less than what is needed. I think it would help if more ongoing trainings and support groups were offered as a requirement of fostering.

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      • August 1, 2015 at 3:17 am

        I could not agree with you more. I think it is nigh onto impossible for people to not favor their bio kids over foster adopted. I say this in no way as blaming but it is a bias that people have a very hard time admitting to themselves. I am single, never had kids and am in the process of adopting a 16 y/o girl. She came out of a failed adoption due to problems w/ a bio child. She doesn’t have a lot of egregious behaviors that most kids have that have been in care as long as she has (8 years) but man, she is hard wired to not trust, defy, deceive and basically challenge on a daily basis. It is hard and I have worked in mental health most of my career and genuinely do have an understanding of the underpinnings of the behaviors. It doesn’t help in the moment when the child is giving you the cold eyed stare saying “you are not my mother and you suck as a parent.” I can’t imagine what it would be like if I had other kids in the house.I love her dearly and won’t ever quit but it is a daily choice I make.
        I thought when I started the process to foster that social services knew what they were doing. I know longer believe that and yet I can’t blame any individual. The system is terribly broken and our various political entities show very little willingness to spend the money on the kind of training and recruitment that might yield better results. Our local social services agency is seeing about a 50% failure rate w adoptive placements and most of the time it is attachment issues and behaviors. There are too many sibling groups that they have to try to keep together and yet all of the siblings internalize trauma differently and maybe would benefit from being separated because they need such different things from parents. I don’t know what the answer is but I know giving them back makes it more likely they will never recover. These children are not in care because they are bad kids. I really believe most of the people they recruit really have no idea what they are getting themselves in to and that is not the child’s fault.

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  • July 30, 2015 at 6:29 pm

    Exactly, RoxyAnn! Unfortunately, articles like these made me feel so angry at foster parents until I became one. What no one will tell you is a team of people will do everything they can to convince you to keep on, without care for the well being of the other members in the home. I think it is irresponsible to write this without offering solutions because they will be lifelong. There are no easy short term solutions, and I think everyone realizes that. However, an honest solution stating that this will be lifelong should be attached when these are going to be posted by adoption and foster agencies looking to get new families.

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  • July 30, 2015 at 8:04 pm

    I found this article confusing. First, I am confused about this sentence. “Sadly, for many adoptive and foster parents, the idea of adopting or fostering a child often outweighs the potential downsides and challenges. ” Maybe they mean the idealized idea of…It sounds like the author is saying that the adoptive/foster parents would be better off to have been dissuaded not to foster a child. I agree with the author if those parents are not prepared to treat a foster child as if they were a biological child. I’m just not sure what the author is saying. I am also confused about the intent and content of the article. The article seems to imply that all foster/adopted children are mentally ill or are mentally unstable.
    I was interested in what your article had to say because I see so little written about the experiences of foster children. I was a foster child in a home with many other foster children and biological children. None of these children were mentally ill or “acted out” in any way that would not be seen as normal if experienced in a normal loving home. Yet, the foster parents were abusive, treated their biological children in a entirely different way, threatened constantly to send us to reform school if we didn’t adhere to the rules, we were told that they took us in to keep house, we needed to “earn our keep”. When all of us had left before we turned 18 or ran away they moved out of state, leaving us as if we were property that they no longer needed. I could go on.My point is that foster children are already vulnerable. By leading people to believe that they are all mentally unstable is another way to degrade them. Yes, I’m sure some are probably predisposed to mental issues, but what would you do with a biological child with the same issues? If I understand the author correctly, I agree. Don’t take in children if you don’t have the unconditional love to give. You are just damaging them further and leaving them to feel that they are less human than anybody else.

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    • July 31, 2015 at 4:23 pm

      Hi Me,
      Thanks for your comment and perspective.

      What I meant by that sentence is that many families who adopt or engage in providing foster care services often look at the positives of adopting or fostering children and “look on the bright side.” Some claim that they look at both the pros and cons, but I am of the belief that when we really want to do something, we bias the cons and lean more toward the pros. Some adopted and foster families just don’t fully consider the challenges that can occur once a child is adopted or taken out of foster care. This can lead to feelings of guilt, denial, stress, depression, anxiety, and even suicidal thoughts on the part of the adopted or foster parent out of complete fatigue and burn-out. It’s a common issue that rarely gets discussed.

      Reply
  • July 30, 2015 at 8:55 pm

    I just want to say that this is an excellent article. I was adopted into a foster home when I was six. I am now 34 years old and can relate so much as being an adult. Some foster parents do not even realize how important it is for these children to develop an emotional connection with somebody, anybody. But I also understand that it’s difficult for foster parents to develop the right emotional bond. I wish I had more knowledge and resources to be able to teach foster parents the type of bond that these special children need.

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    • July 30, 2015 at 10:59 pm

      Hi Jamie
      Thank you for your kind words. I’m glad that you found the article something that you can relate to and “support” as a result of your personal experience and knowledge as a foster child.You are right…it is difficult to develop a bond and with all of the attachment, mental, and emotional challenges that are often barriers for the adopted/foster child, families experience and go through a lot.

      It’s difficult for everyone involved because the child/teen suffers and so does the foster/adoptive family. There are no easy answers.

      Reply
  • July 30, 2015 at 9:42 pm

    My husband was a foster child, and his main issue that he’s had to tackle both as a child and an adult, is a feeling of not belonging. I would say if you’re going to adopt you’ve got to treat them as your own child, which you wouldn’t dream of giving up on. And let them know it!

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  • July 31, 2015 at 9:41 am

    Interesting article. However, I found little discussion about the responsibility of Child Welfare workers to assure that the proper information and services were provided to the foster/adoptive parents both before and after adoption. I am the parent of 3 adopted foster children, all of whom needed therapy, and one of whom required 2 years of therapeutic residential treatment before we could adopt him. All were traumatized by the biological family and by the foster care system. We never gave up on any of them, even though the severe behaviors put out biological children in danger and disrupted our home. Today, they are all young adults and are in college, high school, and working. All still live at home with us, and everyone gets along very well. What made the difference for our family is that we became child advocates and got involved with improving the child welfare system in our state. The system has definitely improved since our first days as foster parents, and we are directly involved with state administrators in continuing improvements to the child welfare system. That is where the changes need to occur in order to decrease the likelihood of adoption failure. Long term national research shows that if you spend a little money on therapeutic programs while a child is young, you will save millions of dollars on expensive things such as jail, homelessness, substance abuse treatment, and welfare checks. Support a child and adoptive family properly and you create successful outcomes for lifetimes that have huge societal benefits. Don’t put all the “blame” on the families if the system is failing – fix the system so that it supports the families.

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    • July 31, 2015 at 4:18 pm

      Hi Susan,
      Thank you for your comment. It is an important one indeed.

      Unfortunately, most writers cannot cover the whole gamut of sub-topics and information that can be written on a specific topic. But I do agree that Social Workers and Child Welfare Workers are responsible for providing a family with important information on a child before that child is adopted or fostered.

      However, my experience with adoption and foster care agencies has been that they will “withhold” or alter (or just simply don’t know) some of the information that is provided to adoption/foster families for fear that a child will never be adopted or fostered. This is a very difficult fact because agencies will claim they are not “withholding information” but that they simply just don’t have that information. But, again, it has been my experience (internationally) and the experience of many adoption/foster families that information is “missing” on a child or was never provided. Although agencies are required by law to provide almost all of the information on a child, the “unspoken-fear” is that some of the information will scare away potential families. In a sense, they are correct and the child suffers or will remain in foster care/adoption agencies until 18.

      I agree, as a family and child advocate, that families should not be “blamed” as you put it. They should be, however, held accountable for what appears to be (and is in most cases) neglectful behaviors. Families should be well supported, and systemic issues are long overdue for being fixed.

      Reply
  • July 31, 2015 at 8:24 pm

    Great info… and agree with it all… been an intensive treatment foster for 8 years…. not easy when they are behavioral… we have had to utilize CBAT a couple times over the years for a few. … always to come back after their stay… usually for safety they were admitted… one of rhe hardest statements for them to hear is you telling them how you care and love them and are there no matter what… they are beyond broken inside and have so little ways to express their hurt and anger and many times uneducated parents think it’s personal when they have a crisis. .. still it’s a journey we feel strongly helping with and will continue until we are done… they are good kids… in bad situations.. and have been traumatized severely. .

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  • August 1, 2015 at 2:53 pm

    When my two biological children were grown we attempted to adopt but after three years it appeared it wasn’t going to happen. Our social worker suggested fost/adopt. We brought three foster children, siblings, into our home with the intention of adopting them. We were told the two year old was a failure to thrive but actually suffers from autism, which wasn’t diagnosed until he was 11. The four year old was adorable at first but very troubled and emotionally unstable. After three attempts to physically harm her younger brother, among many other traumatic events, she was removed at the age of 7. She was placed in a ‘therapeutic’ foster home, presumably for a year with the goal of returning to our home. DCFS became very uncooperative once she was removed and refused to work with us, even though removing her was their decision. She failed in that home and was placed for adoption but after two months was returned to the system and entered a Catholic girls ‘orphanage’. She remained there until she was 15 and then sent to foster care. She was violent and disruptive and the police were called several times. When she was 19 she left to connect with her birth mother but was rejected once again. We tried to keep in contact with her but her anger and resentment and demands made it impossible. The oldest child was a six year old girl. Her issues weren’t as obvious as her siblings but nevertheless just as serious. She was a VERY difficult teen, who rejected parental control. All three received extensive therapy while in our home but the therapist supplied by the county were ineffective (untrained for the needs if children in this situation) and constantly changing. There was no consistency – no opportunity to build a rapport or relationship. Our son, who is now 23, has a long history of substance abuse and breaking the law. He has been diagnosed as bi-polar, as has his middle sister. We discovered the true nature of our sons problems after the adoption was finalized. We learned quite by accident that the adoption records were falsified. He was prenatally exposed to several controlled substances, that were whited out on the records presented to us. When I contacted the private agency, who placed the children with us, and the county agency, overseeing the placement, neither admitted the wrong doing. I contacted the licensing agency who launched an investigation but they could not determine who was responsible. Had we been informed from the beginning, instead of their bogus explanation about failure to thrive, he could have received the proper therapy. He should never have been mainstreamed in school, where he was continually made to feel less than perfect and suspended because he couldn’t tow the line. A line that a child with his issues was incapable of performing. At 13 he was placed in a school for children with autism but he rebelled because he was already so traumatized by the system. He acted out and we were forced to place him
    In an out of state locked facility when he was 15 . He remained there until he was 17. We had no support from the placement agencies and whenever we reached out for help we were rudely rejected. We were lied to, maligned, and abandoned by the system. These children are all suffering in their adult lives because, although we smothered them with love, went into debt to educate them and always welcomed them into our home and family they feel different and distant. The system is very broken and these families need support.

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  • August 2, 2015 at 1:20 pm

    In reading all the article and most of the comments I first of all have great compassion for both the children and the adoptive parents. The one thing I do not understand is the truly lack of understanding or comments on where the true problem lies with the children and how to truly help them. The problem is spiritual not physical or psychological. “For we wrestle not against flesh and blood but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” These children are no different from all of us. Each of us has our issues and they are always based in the spiritual realm where Satan has developed strongholds in their and our lives. Some of our issues are more socially acceptable than others and do not manifest themselves in violent ways therefore we are to often condemning of others issues because of a lack of understanding. These strongholds can only be broken through much prayer and letting our lives be a life through which Jesus can manifest His Love to others. It is not easy and it is not always quick or seemingly miraculous. If each of us would truly submit ourselves to Jesus and begin to truly seek Him with all our hearts then He and only He can make us and the children whole. Jesus is truly the answer to all of our problems if we would just take the time to really seek after him. Meditate upon Him and His word and let your lives be a place where He can manifest His Agape Love which never quits. May the God of heaven and earth bless each of you for the desire you have to help and love children and may My Lord Jesus show himself to you.

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    • August 2, 2015 at 1:35 pm

      Hi Glenn, what a wonderful way to characterize the truth of what many fail to recognize in matters such as these. One of the things that I tell parents who have lost hope is that it is going to be a challenge trying to decipher between religion and going to God for hope. Sadly, a lot of people believe that going to God for hope and direction including peace of mind is a religious thing. The wonderful thing about faith and the love of God is that when we are touched by Him we realize that we have not been lifted up by religion or some organized practice, but by a Greater Hope and a glorious spirit. I agree that if we all just humbly seek true knowledge of God and peace of mind including faith that we can progress beyond these areas of life that often destroys us and our loved ones. Sadly, between religion and pride, this is easier said than done for a lot of people.

      I’m very grateful that you brought this perspective and I thank you for taking the time to provide perspective. All the best to you

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  • August 8, 2015 at 2:56 pm

    I, too, agree with Glen. We prayed diligently over our children and with them. We had others praying, as well, to tear down these strongholds. Our children attended parochial school and prayer was part of their lives. However, no matter how much you pray you cannot take away ones free will and sometimes, as painful as it is, you have to let go. That is not to say that you stop praying because you never stop or give up but you have to come to grips with the fact that maybe God’s plan us not yours.

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  • August 19, 2015 at 1:24 pm

    My daughter is 8 years old. My husband and I adopted her when she was 2.5 years old. She was our first and only placement. She came to us straight from the hospital and has never left our care. We are allowing her to set the pace of discovery regarding her adoption.
    She asked her first set of questions when she was 5/6 about when she came out of my tummy. I told her that she didn’t come from my tummy, but another ladies tummy and some wonderful angels brought her to me because when she was in heaven she chose us to be her parents. I love her to the moon and back and want to save her from as much of the negative as possible.
    It is a joy but a balancing act,but I don’t imagine it’s any different than what any other parent goes through.

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  • September 2, 2015 at 3:34 pm

    I am awoman who was the foster and almost adoptive parent in my 30s to a teenage girl. My ex-husband and I attempted to adopt her and we changed our mind and sent her back to the system. It was one of the most painful experiences of my life but this child showed absolutely no evidence that she wanted to be part of A family. It’s too long of a story to put here. Years later the same girl came back around I was remarried my husband and I became very attached to her and we adopted her. Then we adopted her sister. We love our girls like crazy but having them is traumatic. We talk all about the trauma that these kids have been through and that is a very real but then these kids put the foster and adoptive parents through trauma as well and they are also impacted. The word challenge cannot explain it. We need to come up with a new word like catastrophic. If you have not adopted or foster parented an extremely difficult child then you really don’t have a leg to stand on in speaking about what that experience would be like or what those parents should or shouldn’t do and what is right or wrong. If we do not take breaks (not communicating) from our daughters when they become angry it would be very unhealthy for us there’s no way we would be able to parent them if we didn’t do that. And we take heat from people because they think that they would never do that. And yes they would they would do exactly that if they had to live under the level of stress that my husband and I do when our daughters decide to act out. And these daughters are grown women adopted as adults. To keep my sanity when the barrage of criticism about my being a bad mother a bad grandmother comes I joke about it and say I’ll just put that on the bad mom list there’s another one for the bad mom list and somehow it helps but it’s a very painful to be called a bad parent and a bad grandparent and be criticized and have every single thing that you do picked apart. My husband and I refer to it as being picked apart until all that’s left is the carcass. I imagine that our girls keep a list of all of the things that they have grievances about in a little pouch that we call their ammo pouch and then when they get mad they pull out things that you didn’t even know they were mad about and start shooting them at you like a machine gun. There are many good times and there are many gifts in adopting a child who has difficulties and when we die adopting them will likely be the best thing that we ever did in our lives. But the author of this article with all due respect has no idea what she is talking about. Many of these adoptive parents are young like my ex-husband and I were or they don’t have any idea what personality disorders are like we didn’t but what they really don’t know is that the price of parenting some of these kids is that you have to give up your happiness for the rest of your life. Are you willing to do that?

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  • April 1, 2016 at 9:06 am

    As an adopted person who has sought counseling for many years due to having both Opposition Defiance Disorder and Reactive Attachment Disorder, I completely appreciate this post. I’m sure that my family never understood what was going on inside me as a child or what may still be going on, because all I felt was hurt and fear. How would you suggest for parents to react to the how their adopted child may be feeling?

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    • April 9, 2016 at 11:32 am

      Hi Faylinn,
      Thank you for your comment.
      Adopted and foster children are often the victim of labels and misunderstanding. There are, however, children from the foster system who are difficult and challenging for adoptive and foster families. Some foster/adoptive families are simply uninformed and unaware of the needs of the foster child or adoptive child. But I often encourage foster or adoptive families to educate themselves to the feelings of their child because foster/adoptive children are emotionally different from biological children. The system is traumatizing.

      To answer your question more specifically, I would suggest parents educate themselves, remain calm, and strive to help the child co-regulate. Co-regulate means that you, as the parent, learn to control your own thoughts, emotions, and triggers so that you can help the child do the same. There are a host of ways parents can better respond. These are the conversations I have with my clients as there can be months and months of discussions and practice sessions with the parent.
      I wish you well

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      • April 11, 2016 at 6:34 pm

        Very good advice. I never thought about co regulation before, but I can see the benefit that it can really have. Thank you for the help!

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  • November 23, 2016 at 12:59 pm

    My husband and I are first-time foster parents to a 6YO girl. We’re also first-time parents, with no kids of our own. FD is bright, funny, loving… and hyperactive, argumentative, strong-willed and angry. There is constant conflict in our house, mostly daily stupid arguments as she seeks to gain control (over things we can’t bend on – she must wear her seatbelt, must brush her teeth, can’t sit in the front seat…) but also increasingly intense tantrums. I’m willing to stick it out and see if things improve, but my husband has become deeply depressed. He says he hasn’t felt “at home” since she arrived 8 months ago. He’s coming home from work later and later and dreads weekends, when we have to spend all day with her. Children’s services is pressuring us to adopt (if/when she becomes available) but has offered very little support. She sees a therapist every few weeks, which helps us a little, but we get no respite care. We’re emotionally exhausted right now. I feel like my choices are to stick with her and lose my husband or prioritize my marriage. I hate to give up on her, but don’t know what else to do. We’re not equipped for this and don’t know where to turn for help. Reading articles like this only increases my guilt, but doesn’t offer any practical help.

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    • November 23, 2016 at 1:38 pm

      Hi Jill,
      I’m sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time. I have worked with so many foster and adoptive parents who are at a loss after adopting a child. It is natural to struggle with adjustment, negative self-talk and thoughts, and even regrets. However, my intention was certainly not to make anyone feel guilty but to bring to the table issues and challenges that many foster and adoptive parents go through. I could write an article that is positive from beginning to end. But I chose to write an article that gets you to think and explore your values, thoughts, and feelings on this very controversial topic.

      Child Protective Services are unable to meet the needs of foster and adoptive parents most of the time. Why? Because some agencies lack background information on the biological family and family members, struggle to provide mental health services that are needed, and have a job to do which is to locate a family for a foster/adoptive child who may be extremely difficult behaviorally and psychologically.

      Although this is an insight-building article, I am happy to suggest that you consider therapy 2x per wk as opposed to “a few weeks.” You may also find more help with a trauma therapist or someone who has experience working with foster/adoptive families. Lastly, you may research a residential treatment facility (a place where youngsters live for 30+ days, depending on need, to obtain 24/7 therapy). Of course, this would be your very last resort.
      I wish you well

      Reply
  • May 1, 2017 at 2:06 am

    Having fostered 15 children over the course Of the past 7 years, my biggest concern is the quality of therapy available to children on state health insurance. My state tends to contract with certain organizations. We are left with people with vauge counseling certificates paired with some nonsense like a master’s in divinity, and various other unqualified psudeo professionals. We must accept the therapist assigned to the child mostly based on availability, rather than skill set or compatibilty. We are then faced with condescending dribble meted out by people who are frighteningly out of their depth with both severe trauma, and foster/ adoption issues. It’s not surprising that some families throw in the towel When their supports are inept.

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    • May 5, 2017 at 1:51 am

      Hi EmmA,
      Thank you for your perspective.
      I agree. Not having the right tools for adoptive families is one of the MAJOR issues within the adoption system. There are ways to fix it but society’s tax dollars are spent on other things. And the system is so fraught with stress and low pay that therapists go elsewhere and don’t pursue the system. As you probably know, there are many holes in the system and the battle to fill some of those holes may take a very long time.
      All the best to you and your family

      Reply
 

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