10 thoughts on “7 Ways to Avoid Re-Traumatizing A Trauma Victim

  • June 25, 2015 at 2:04 am

    I don’t know the child or the father, but my radar goes off when the father sits with and makes a young child that witnessed his mother slit her own throat watch violent crime showing murder and suicide scenes. I’d also wonder what role this father had in his wife’s suicide. What comes to mind is from “People Of The Lie” from M. Scott Peck where a 14 or 15 year old boy is given as his only Christmas gift, the shotgun his older brother used to kill himself.

    Reply
    • June 25, 2015 at 8:08 pm

      Hi Jim,
      Thanks for your comment. There are certainly a lot of questions about this family and young boy. Dad has a history of his own mental health and substance abuse problems. This is why his ability to monitor what the child was watching was a mess. The father was a “victim” of trauma himself. If you think of the father from a lens of “illness” or pathology, you can see why he had very low boundaries with his own son. He was never suspected of harming his wife. But you are not the only one who has thought this way.

      Take care

      Reply
  • September 16, 2015 at 11:58 pm

    Thank you. I wish my family was given this advice.

    Reply
    • September 18, 2015 at 4:39 pm

      Thank you for your comment. I am glad you found this helpful. I will be adding more to this site about trauma. Stay tuned.

      Reply
  • March 2, 2016 at 11:45 am

    This is really great and straightforward. I am a pediatrician that works with teens and when I teach residents I give them these tips in interacting with youth as professionals. Its obviously easier to not be emotional, but even frustration and giving up when teens act out is not acknowledging that the behaviors are a symptoms of something. I love this I am going to share it with other.

    Reply
  • March 2, 2016 at 11:45 am

    This is really great and straightforward. I am a pediatrician that works with teens and when I teach residents I give them these tips in interacting with youth as professionals. Its obviously easier to not be emotional, but even frustration and giving up when teens act out is not acknowledging that the behaviors are a symptoms of something. I love this I am going to share it with others.

    Reply
    • March 2, 2016 at 12:25 pm

      Thank you very much Merrian. I appreciate your comments. Please do feel free to share. 🙂
      All the best

      Reply
  • April 30, 2016 at 12:10 am

    I have only just discovered the term re-traumatised. I thought I had done with the trauma, my son told me 18 years ago he had been sexually abused by a family friend when he was 9-10 yoa (he told me after his daughter was born)he suffered terribly and I felt a complete failure for so many years and time helped just a little, now back to square one. My heartache for him is acute still. The other day I was looking up his abusers name on Google as a periodic search and saw his abuser name mentioned in the Australian Royal Commission into child abuse. I hope my son does not see these articles so it does not reopen his wounds. I have to keep this information to myself and I feel like I will explode, back to square one again. I have always prided myself in being a strong person, having survived an abusive and violent childhood, two children by the time I was sixteen, raising them well I thought, I was married the day after I was 16 yoa. My first husband was 10 years older than me and we remained married until I was 28 yoa despite his constant affairs. I have now been remarried to a wonderful man for 30 years and have a good life but I am struggling desperately at the moment to just stop crying. I guess that is re traumatised.

    Reply
  • May 11, 2018 at 1:58 pm

    I don’t know why but the image on this article shocks me a lot.

    Reply
  • August 3, 2018 at 10:52 pm

    This article appeared when I plugged in “what not to say … ” into google search in hopes of finding a way to communicate to mutual friends the reality of a friend who was a reluctant whistleblower who was also traumatized.

    She is constantly being told to “move on” and to “just let go.” What is upsetting about that is not that she can’t let go, it’s that she isn’t holding onto anything to begin with – that’s not what she’s doing. And in telling her to move on, the implication is that if she has not had success since it is due to some internal emotional obstacles she is still struggling with rather than the fact that whistleblowing ruined her professionally and professional opportunities, which she pursues vigorously, are few and far between. The confuse the emotional issues she is most definitely dealing with with her ability to function professionally (she can) and mistake it as the source of her failure so far to match her past success (it’s not)

    All people are doing when they do this, even well-meaning friends who are trying to help, is just beating up the trauma victim.

    It’s extremely painful for her to be -presumed to be emotionally unable to perform professionally when she can and does at every opportunity.

    This isn’t a little thing. Retraumatizing works counter to the healing process – it’s a form of abuse, even if unintentional

    Reply
 

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