24 thoughts on “Characteristics Of The Stalker: Know What To Look For

  • September 3, 2014 at 4:59 am

    I use to fit the stalker image. It is quite possible i still do! I can relate to many of these descriptions of stalking, when i did it, I was seeking someone to end my loneliness. I also didn’t want that person to know i was shy so i would try to get “creative” and hide it.

    • September 3, 2014 at 8:12 am

      Hi Anonymous,
      Thanks for your candid and personal input. It’s interesting that you are able to observe your own internal needs in regards to why you engaged in such an act. Stalking, as you know, is both legally and ethically wrong. But acting on it is the worst thing anyone could do. Most shy individuals struggle with exposing themselves in any way (emotionally, physically, psychologically), and the “stalking behavior” provides a “hiding place” for them to get their needs met and yet, still remain hidden. But the healthy way to deal with this situation is to “come out” and seek counseling for feelings of isolation and loneliness. If loneliness truly is the underlying reason for the “stalking-like” behaviors, then talking to someone who is caring and compassionate about this may help you develop the courage needed to actually heal.

      I wish you well

      • February 4, 2019 at 8:51 pm

        I need immediate help! I am the victim of a stalker. I need to know how to talk to the police. I have read the characteristics of sociopaths and narcissists. This person has to be a sociopath or a psychopath. He has told people he is not untouchable with his feelings. He kind of bragged about it. He has always made my friends feel uncomfortable.

      • February 5, 2019 at 10:11 pm

        Hi Jenni,
        I’m really sorry to hear this. It sounds like you may need to enact a plan for your safety and your psychological health. I encourage you to seek out a couples therapist or relationship coach who can assist you with this. I would go to http://www.psychologytoday.com and put your zipcode into “find a therapist” to locate someone in your area. Feel free to reach out to me by email [email protected].
        Take care

  • September 3, 2014 at 12:07 pm

    I have no idea why I was stalked, but it went on for years. The stalker was clever enough to never call too often, mail too many items — nothing that would have allowed him to have a reportable offense. What it did to me, and my mental health, however?

    It is interesting to think of what might be going on in the mind, or WHY I was stalked; perhaps that could add a new dimension to my healing process, if I could have an inkling of WHY. I am not beyond compassion. If perhaps I could understand WHY I was the target for so many years, it might help the healing.

    • September 3, 2014 at 8:12 pm

      Hi there:
      Thank you for sharing your story. It’s never easy coming to the realization that you have become the victim of a stalker and that a stalker has “spotted you.” Research suggests that victims of stalking often result from a prior encounter of some sort such as a work relationship, brief encounter in a grocery store or place of business, or some other “close encounter.” I’m sure this experience has affected you both emotionally and psychologically. A victim goes through a lot such as frequent uncertainty, fear, anxiety, feelings of loss, and engages in multiple questions that often remain unanswered. Even the world’s best psychiatrist may have trouble trying to understand the stalking behavior of the perpetrator, much less you.

      You may never know why you were stalked. But the most important thing to keep in mind might be that you were dealing with a sick person who needed help. The suspense can feel like it is “killing you” or holding you back. But you may be able to achieve some healing if you come to the full awareness of the fact that many stalkers are ultimately sick “children” who are ill-equipped in life, relationships, and social environments.

      I wish you the best

  • September 11, 2015 at 10:04 am

    I think I’m in a relationship with a stalker, he has altered all my phones computers and can hear and c me where ever I go and I don’t no how he’s very smart

  • January 7, 2016 at 9:03 pm

    I think my experience falls under cyber stalking.
    not the psychical type however I just want to know what your thoughts are.

    I block someone on YouTube in the commit section but after I blocked them they used another account to contact me. Am I correct in a assuming to think this guy or girl has stalker tendances and could be a possibly be a psychopath as I made it clear I want nothing to do with the user.

    before I blocked him he admitted to going to my website
    right after that I blocked them.

    I thought a normal person would get the hint that if someone blocked them they would leave them alone.
    He / she then said I was a psychopath that was the last message I received before I blocked them.
    They then used another account to try and contact me.
    I even mentioned on the commit section I was going to block him I flagged and reported him / her twice.
    yet right after he kept trying to contact me.
    I knew it was the same person because they even mentioned I blocked them in the new account.

    he / she (as I do not know if they are a guy or a girl in real life.).
    As I was concerned that that guy was overly aggressive with his response and notice some one else was having problems with him I thought Id mention my concern for the other persons safety.

    I think the user of the account is out of touch with reality

    as he kept saying things were in my commits that were not there.

    he / she kept saying things like you support animal abuse
    when but what was in my commit there was no mention of the things they said.

    I have screened shot the commits I left as well.
    I reported the incident to the website addmin.

    Should I be concerned or just block him off again but I do not know if he / she will try and contact me again.

  • August 16, 2016 at 9:53 am

    I have these obsessive thoughts about some people, but I actually had bad and non-existent relationship with them in school, and even after all this time I can’t let go those intruding thoughts about them. I did stalk them on internet, I have no idea why, it always made me feel bad and not worthy enough for them. Even after all these years without any contact with them, I can’t get them out of my head thinking about how they live their lives, and how can I improve myself so they would acknowledge me, even though they never will. They sort of ignored me in the past and gossiped badly about me to my friends so they would stop hanging out with me, it hurt, but I mostly feel so unworthy compared to them, and it’s such a gut reaction, and I sort of have some stupid need to be validated by them, because they are so above me in their arrogance and narcissism. I don’t know what to do, and how to have my thoughts and my life back for myself…..???

    • August 19, 2016 at 11:12 am

      Hi A,
      I’m sorry to hear this. Have you pursued counseling or thought about talking to a therapist about this? I would suggest you do that. You can go to http://www.psychologytoday.com and click on “Find a therapist” to find someone who seems to fit your needs and call them up. I would suggest exploring, with your therapist (if you decide to pursue one), why you have a strong emotional need to be accepted, fit in, or compare your life with others. I would also explore your childhood, any possible trauma, or social anxieties you may have. It is possible that these “stalking” behaviors are really obsessions exhibited because of a deep emotional need.

      It can get complicated but I think you would benefit from exploring this with someone who has experience with these topics.
      All the best

  • September 7, 2016 at 1:19 pm

    An ex-friend is a stalker. I am sure she is a borderline. Basically I befriended her as she seemed nice, intelligence, and sale. She was a passive-dependent type but seemed to be the kind one could open up to, that she wouldn’t hurt a fly. She acknowledged having issues with people and relationships. Soon, I could see why. She was a pathological liar, narcissist, gas lighter, borderline. The things she did were bizarre and sick. Once I cut off contact, she began stalking me. This went on for months until law enforcement got involved. Be ware of taking pity on the wall flowers or socially maladjusted as might be inviting a stalker into your life.

    • September 8, 2016 at 8:12 pm

      Hi Lisa,
      Thank you for your comment. I would say that yes, she does seem (by your definition of her) to have very similar traits to borderline personality disorder. Sadly, the personality disorder is so stigmatized and so misunderstood that many people might be offended by this categorization. But allow me to say that, while this may be true, borderline personality traits can be very frightening for those who are victims to their behaviors. You describe someone who seems very unstable in their identity, dysphoric, misplaced, immature and needy, and perhaps even jealous and confused. Someone who does not seek therapy or have a balanced person to talk to about one’s emotions can be very scary to those of us who do not understand borderline traits.

      We want to be careful not to pre-judge everyone who seems genuine and kind, but we should, as you state, be cautious.
      Take care

  • October 9, 2016 at 8:20 am

    I was stalked by an ex friend. After I kicked her out of my home, she started calling me from a blocked number and when I put a block on my phone that wouldn’t accept a blocked call, she started calling the police on me for the craziest things such as I was driving by her house yet she couldn’t decibe my car ( even though it was broad daylight) and I sent her a text message that said I was going to hex her ( when asked to show the text message, she said she’d accidentally deleted it)! Then she went to threatening my animals by leaving notes in my mailbox. It’s finally over and done with.
    But now I’m afraid that a friend of mine ( I met him through her and he sided with me through the whole thing) has shown some of those traits above ( such as low self-esteem he’s always saying he’s ugly or fat) and he begs me for pictures of my self. He even called me beautiful in messages and seemed upset when I asked him not to do that. He also says “love you” ALOT and seemed upset when I asked him to stop. Today he said you are mine in a text message!This has me freaking out! could this be the start of stalking behavior or am I just ” jumping the gun” because of what I just went through?

  • December 18, 2016 at 12:19 pm

    I have lived in the same place for 10 years. Shortly after arriving, another Tenant tried to get my attention by watering for a neighbor of mine and spraying the water through a screen door in the back of my house. Annoyed, I asked what he was doing. He said that the Owner asked him to water a plant of mine. I told him to leave, then called the Owner and asked about what he told me. She had no idea what I was talking about. For ten years now, this man has tried to force his way into my life. Interrupting me when visiting with another Tenant on my deck, questioning me when a gentleman helped me with groceries, etc. Each time I sat on my deck, it would only be a few minutes before he’d walk past my house. If/when I didn’t open any doors to him, he’d “punish” me using intimidation tactics. He never enacted them himself, he’d get one of his buddies to do it. He’s gone as far as involving himself in my last two employments (again through friends who knew someone there). I lost both jobs. One of the maintenance men allowed me to use his car one day. I was on my deck, bringing in groceries, when he showed up, firing questions at me, one after another. Why was I using this man’s truck? Etc., etc. When he was done, I asked why he wanted to know. By this time, the bags of groceries I was holding turned my fingers white. I walked in the house, put the bags down and came back out. He was gone. Now I’m finding things moved around and/or missing when I return from an outing. I went to the local PD. Before I leave, I call them and they do drive-bys while I’m gone. I overheard this person making a remark about me “Yeah, well, she’s gonna . . .” he turned his head and I couldn’t hear the ending. I looked up the definition of the characteristics of a stalker. It fits him. If I try to talk to him, he runs in the other direction. He HAS TO FEEL IN CONTROL. The thing is, I don’t even know this man. I’ve never had so much as a ten minute conversation with him in 10 years. I was too busy trying to get him to leave me alone. The times I attempted to be nice, hoping that might help, he found fault with everything I said or did. I believe he has an obsession on some level. I just wish he’d get a life and stay out of mine. He’s involving himself with a woman who lives here and works at my Doctors Office now. Guess I’ll have to get a Restraining Order.
    It’s gone too far. Too much for too long.

  • January 1, 2019 at 7:06 pm

    Met a guy in the same office building as mine. Made a date for 10 days away ( 2 Saturdays away) and exchanged numbers. We chatted on the phone every lunch hour for 9 days and walked to subway together. That was the extent of our contact. during the calls I realized he was not my type as he still lived at home in the same bedroom he grew up in. He was already saying I was the one and acting very immature for someone 57 years old. I sent him a very polite email telling him I was canceling out date and saying I did not want to date him as he was not my type. I was gentle and very nice. It has been over a month and I cannot shake him. He leaves me letters at the security desk in the lobby. Texts and emails me asking me to talk to him. He came up to me in the lobby almost in tears asking me to talk to him. I have been very hard and rude to him after he would not leave me alone. Even telling him I would involve security and building management. Each time he says OK OK I understand and he leaves me along for a few days but then it stats all over again. No criminal behavior but I am so uncomfortable and embarrassed by his behavior. I made the mistake of answering a “Merry Christmas” text with a simple “You as well” and now he is waiting at the security desk in lobby for me to leave. We never dated. Never touched. All we did was chat for 30 min a day and share a 10 min walk to the train station. Why wont he leave me alone.

    • January 1, 2019 at 7:16 pm

      Hi Dee,
      Thanks for your comment.
      You are certainly no the only woman I have heard tell this story. The best thing to do is make the boundary very clear. In order to do this, you will want to stop replying. You extended some kindness for 30 min a day and a walk to the train station. Now you need to withdraw that kindness by not replying to text messages, smiling and being engaging, etc. Whatever you can do to withdraw yourself you should do. If he doesn’t stop attempting to contact you, I would then look at blocking him from your phone and social media (if applicable) and learning more about stalking.

      Take care

  • January 1, 2019 at 7:28 pm

    What is wrong with showing a woman you like her. She liked me enough to talk to me and now says to leave her alone. Why should I stop pushing her and contacting her until she says yes again. She just needs to see I am the one for her .

    • January 1, 2019 at 7:33 pm

      Tom, if it’s unwanted, it’s unwanted. The person not responding to you (on more than 1 or 2 occasions) is sending you a message. Someone who cares or is interested in furthering the communication will respond. Perhaps this will help: https://mainweb-v.musc.edu/vawprevention/research/stalking.shtml. If a man sees that a woman is not responding, they need to give the space that’s “being asked.” No communication is communication.

  • February 6, 2019 at 12:55 am

    I just want to say how helpful this article and answers have been. I am so impressed with Dr. Hill. I will definitely be looking for other publications by her.

    • March 16, 2019 at 10:21 am

      Hi Diana,
      Thanks so much!! Glad you found it helpful. You warmed my heart. ☺

  • March 9, 2019 at 8:48 am

    My stalker is local government. His ex wife. What outside help is there! Judge failed us. She works for him. Sheriff department refused us an assult charge. She stole and cashed 4 life insurance checks

  • January 13, 2020 at 6:58 pm

    I am not sure if I will get a response but… I am afraid I am a victim of intermittent stalking? If possible?

    This person and I met through an extra hustle – I picked up bartending during a split. I did not know what I was getting myself into. We had a good friendship until a disagreement that occurred over my actions with a man that my friend disagreed with. I thought maybe she was jealous of me, but now I wonder if she was jealous of him (not trying to sound narcissistic- I just wonder if she felt rejected by me). At any rate – it become the first episode in an on-again-off again friendship that really lasted way too long for my health.

    There were always long drawn out text messages she would send – contacted me through social media sites where I had to block her – threatening voice mails – but also! With the threats were requests to rekindle the friendship – messages regarding olive branches, “I want to drop off a gift” – mixed in with “I am going to destroy your life”. “Take care, my beautiful ex-bestfriend”…

    She has been in and out of the mental ward. I had to call the police as some of us coworkers feared she had killed herself in her parents home. There are so many strange things I can’t even think to write down except she contacted ex husband and ex boyfriends etc. It feels worse than what an ex spouse (with some mental health issues) would put someone through.

    The point!! This woman has sent me a disturbing email through work. I have blocked her – cut all communication with her – we are going on no contact on my part since August of 2018 – and she is still contacting me to this day.

    Is she a stalker if she only messages when she is triggered – every two months or so?
    Is this bi-polar/paranoid schizophrenia (she was hospitalized stating she was infested with some kind of bugs – and is never able to sleep – sometimes rambles incoherently) – and is she stalking out of rejection?
    And can the police do anything to help?

  • May 23, 2020 at 2:05 pm

    My husband has had a stalker for almost 18 years. They have been texting and calling til they were blocked. They tried Facebook til they were blocked and then emailed him constantly til he put them in spam. They tried to get to him through his brother and family lying to them about me being abusive to him and my child. They even called children and family services on us, basically me. The case was dropped and the person lives in another state but if they attempt to call cfs again they will go after our stalker for filing false reports. It’s very discouraging that nothing can be done for a cyber stalker. You can block and block but they can keep creating new accounts and continue the stalking. If you live in the same state you can file a restraining order but if you are not you are out of luck.


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