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10 Unbelievable Behaviors Of The Narcissist


*This article is “sticky” – it will remain at the top of this blog even when newer posts are published.

Do you know what narcissistic personality disorder is? Would you be able to spot it if you had to? For most people, their belief is that narcissism is “easy” to spot because laymen and pop psychology characterize narcissism as selfish ambition, arrogance, cockiness, inconsiderate of others, and a strong desire to be at the “top of the game.”

But narcissism is truly difficult to spot in everyday life because some of the kindest and nicest people could be a narcissist hiding under a facade. Narcissism doesn’t always shine through the moment you meet someone. In fact, narcissism may not fully bloom until you’ve married the person, accepted a job from a company led by a narcissist, or after many years of knowing the person. In reality, narcissistic personality traits are often hidden by the person’s ability to “act” ways they know other people like.

Although you are probably familiar with the millions of articles already written on this topic, this article will highlight the most dangerous narcissistic traits you should avoid in your life. 

61 thoughts on “10 Unbelievable Behaviors Of The Narcissist

  • March 8, 2017 at 8:31 am

    This article is brilliant. I went through this for years with a former “friend” who had and still has people completely fooled. Through social media she presents herself as this innocent, kind hearted person which she is not. I saw her unmasked and because I did I was permanently discarded. She also developed a “clique” of blind servants who came to her rescue no matter what and would unleash attacks on me on her behalf. She purposely tarnished my reputation and turned friends and acquaintances against me which left me lonely and unable to defend myself. I am still very angry about all of this and am always looking for ways to out her or get revenge which I know will only make things worse.

    Reply
    • March 8, 2017 at 11:41 pm

      Hi Stacie,
      Thank you so much. I appreciate that. I’m glad it was helpful.
      Narcissist are truly frightening to be in any kind of relationship with. They are not relational beings. They don’t know how to exist in a healthy relationship. Things always have to go their way or no way. They are often controlling, overbearing, arrogant, insensitive, authoritarian, and detached emotionally. As I stated to another person who commented, it’s best to stay far away from them if you can.
      All the best

      Reply
      • March 14, 2017 at 9:41 pm

        You hit the nail on the head. Any advice for those with narcissistic spouses? It’s an emotional roller coaster.

        Reply
      • March 14, 2017 at 10:37 pm

        Hi Diane,
        Thanks for your comment. It is very difficult when it is your spouse because you were most likely under a different assumption about his personality and behaviors when you first met him, dated him, and then married him, if that were the case. You’d want to always protect yourself, ensure you are safe, and then move away from them if they are unable to change.

        Reply
    • March 9, 2017 at 4:43 am

      There’s a nickname for the “blind servants.” They’re called flying monkeys after the creatures in The Wizard of Oz who did the wicked witch’s bidding. 🙂

      P.S. I know the same experience(s) as you.

      Reply
    • March 14, 2017 at 10:55 am

      Been there. It’s difficult getting revenge. Almost impossible. Just distance yourself and use forums like this for therapy. 😊

      Reply
      • March 14, 2017 at 10:38 pm

        Hi Nancy,
        Thanks for commenting. Revenge never works and is rarely worth it. Distancing yourself is the best advice, especially for someone who is unable to change or cannot see how they are affecting others. It’s not worth it.

        Reply
      • May 14, 2017 at 1:42 pm

        After recovering from my anger towards my x-narc, I have to agree with you about revenge. Absolutely not worth it. The best way to get even is to move on and be happy in your new life. I recommend the 25th verse of the Tao te Ching for this situation. Connect to your soul and there you will find the greatness of your eternal self which will have huge payoffs for you. (as for revenge)Eating at or feeding others at the trough of misery never has and never will have any payoff for you or them.

        Reply
      • May 14, 2017 at 4:52 pm

        Hi Mark,
        Thanks for sharing this. I agree 100% that “feeding others at the trough of misery never has and never will have any payoff for you or them.”
        Wisdom indeed.
        Take care

        Reply
      • March 21, 2018 at 9:10 pm

        Revenge is never worth seeking.
        I have a horrible knee jerk reaction when I discover I’ve been the target and my anger scares me, let alone anyone who has to witness it!
        I learned a long time ago how to curb my reaction to being a narcissists target. It’s a game I find both enjoyable and therapeutic.
        I get MY revenge by writing in a journal, specific scenarios, a perfectly planned act from a to z.
        I do this when I’m at my most angry. I let my pen fly across the page and don’t stop until every detail is outlined and organized.
        When I’ve “plotted out my actions” to the grim end for my attacker I close my journal and go on with my business of living.
        Once my anger subsides and I’ve all but forgotten the situation I’ll sit down with a cup of coffee and read it.
        I can’t begin to tell you the howls of laughter that I’ve gotten from my imaginative counter attack!
        I am very creative 😉
        I once showed my father when he came to visit and I was yet again sharing the latest shenanigans my boss was pulling. He asked how I could handle such psychologically draining, soul sucking abuse from this person.
        That’s when I pulled out my journal and told him to read a few entries. Dad read more than a few, and was laughing and called me badassed maverick!
        Dad said, “it’s a good thing you’ve found a healthy outlet because you’d be a F-5 tornado!”

        Yes it’s hard to have someone have control of your life because your can’t afford to quit a job and are stuck with no recourse. This takes me to that place of exacting my revenge in the most extreme ways, yet keeps me in check both legally AND emotionally.
        May my pens never run out of ink, my journals stay affordable and my imagination stay keen! 🙂

        Reply
    • January 7, 2018 at 7:28 am

      I know exactly how you feel. 9 years ago, I put a narcissist in her place in a not so nice way only to have everybody in my life cruelly throw me away. These were relationships that spanned several years and the narcissist was the new kid so to speak. Come to find out,in telling this narcissist off,I had accidentally exposed a covert narcissist, an enabler and several flying monkeys. I was angry for years. I wanted revenge. I was contemplating doing something illegal to bring destruction to the narcissist and everyone stupid enough to believe them. But now I realize I don’t have to get even. The day is coming when they will have to face the truth and there will be no getting around it. Get revenge by moving on and leave the spoiled brats to their delusions.

      Reply
  • March 8, 2017 at 12:10 pm

    More detailed descriptions of Donald Trump.

    Reply
      • March 10, 2018 at 5:14 pm

        You’re welcome,and your detailed analysis is needed for protection from these seriously disturbed while also very clever people. Can’t help but wonder how long, if it happens at all, it will take for Trump to be exposed for what he is and removed from office. Hopefully sooner than later before he destroys the very institutions he swore to uphold at his inauguration.

        Reply
  • March 8, 2017 at 1:11 pm

    Wow! Perfectly describes my estranged husband. He is a lecturer at the local university and markets himself as affable, “logical,” and service-oriented. Reality: starts clubs and organizations to promote himself, gain supply, manipulate others, and also so he can have a built-in fanclub of flying monkeys/sycophants. He alienates, belittles, and engages in smear-campaigns against those who question him. Had all but a handful leave a club recently. He seems to find people as disordered as himself. Some actually tried to oust him but he got them to infight and deflect from himself. After, he complained about how “they” tried to sabotage “his” club.

    I have had my fill. He abandoned me and is similary casting aspersions on my character. I am trying to heal, but the wounds are deep. How can the person you care about most leave so abruptly and be so cruel? I was discarded like trash.

    Reply
    • March 8, 2017 at 11:38 pm

      Thank you Cora for your comment. It’s really interesting how similar narcissists are to each other and to psychology text books. I rarely see a narcissistic person who does not fit the complete description of a narcissist described in college books or online. They are truly cookie-cutter characters. It’s always best to steer clear of them. They will “discard you like trash” or throw you away so to speak. It’s frightening.
      Take care

      Reply
    • March 21, 2018 at 9:31 pm

      Cora, you beautiful worthy soul!
      Your awareness is admirable. Of course it took years for you to see him clearly, but the most important thing is you seem to never have lost yourself! You seem to have been able to stay intact with your own mind.
      You will heal! You’ve retained your self confidence somehow and it shows in your words.
      Hard as it may be right now, as you’re still reeling from being cast aside like trash by the person you loved, you’ll one day be very grateful he walked away from you. You’ll feel fortunate to not be tormented as he continues to go about his quest to conquer and destroy.
      You’ll get there. Hour can you not? You’re strong and capable. From what I’ve read about NPD is they only leave those whom they cannot break! You couldn’t be broken!
      Bless you!
      I’m an instant fan of yours! 🙂

      Reply
  • March 9, 2017 at 3:40 am

    Hi Tamara,
    I really am not all that familiar with this disorder so it was interesting to read about it and learn more. As I read, I asked myself if I know anyone like this. I am still not sure.
    I first thought of a former partner. Long story short but while in public — and even with me for the most part, very charming and social, full of compliments etc. I DO remember early on, it seemed like many people had been “unfair,” “mean” etc to him and several in his family were “abusive.” I initially believed him as I had no reason not to but a lot of things began to not add up. If we’d argue, he had a very difficult time owning his part in anything, would not compromise and somehow would find a way to try and turn it around so that I’d end up either giving up trying to express my feelings or just apologize to keep the peace. Glad it’s over for more reasons than I will get into.
    The other person who I now wonder if she could be a narcissist (I hate to even THINK this) is my niece. She is almost always the one who feels wronged by life, her mother, past teachers on occasion and people in general. She has a horrible temper if she is disagreed with or if for instance, her mom tries to argue her point or even ask for help with chores. She will be vindictive at times and generally seems to become angry very easily and at times holds grudges. But, given that she has grown up with an alcoholic father, in a dysfunctional household, was not given clear boundaries or consistent rules in the home plus she’s still pretty young at almost 23, AND had a bad car accident with head trauma, perhaps this world not apply to her. I hope not – for her sake!
    Have a good upcoming weekend!

    Reply
    • March 14, 2017 at 10:48 pm

      Hi Lori,
      Thanks for commenting as always.
      Narcissism is difficult to identity and it isn’t present among a large group of people. For me, I have only come in contact with about 2-3 narcissists in my almost 9 years in the field. Interestingly, 1 of my clients displayed narcissistic behaviors while about 2-3 of other professionals showed the symptoms the most! So I don’t blame you for not knowing if you’ve come across this behavior before. It sounds as if your ex may have shown some signs. Guys are very strange in that they do things without fully thinking or considering the emotions and thoughts of the other person. It can be complicated to tease apart if the male is just being a “strange man” or if they are narcissistic. I dated one such guy years ago and then ran away, thanking God I got away…sane!

      As far as your niece Lori, I cannot say for sure. But it might be worth considering. Perhaps there are other reasons for her behavior that may be more fitting.

      Take care

      Reply
      • March 15, 2017 at 1:53 am

        Hi Tamara,
        Thanks for responding. (And for your insight!) Can you believe I had myself convinced that you were likely upset with me because a) I comment too much, b) you hadn’t responded last time I checked this post and c) I had posted a comment on an earlier post, mistakenly wrote my full name and then had to write and ask you to remove my last name. Crazy thinking on occasion — sorry lol! I wasn’t going to mention it but decided to because I know I can’t be the only one who sometimes gets anxious over skewed perceptions. At least I hope not!

        Reply
      • March 16, 2017 at 9:25 am

        Hi Lori,
        I understand. No worries.
        I don’t think I got that email about your full name! Where did you send that message to? I’ll check and see if I can find it and if I do, I will remove it for you.

        Take care

        Reply
      • March 17, 2017 at 2:10 am

        Hi Tamara,
        I wish I could remember the exact post I commented on –I’m thinking it may have been the first one on this topic? Not that big of a deal I suppose if it’s not caught!
        Thanks for your understanding. I much appreciate it!
        Lori

        Reply
  • March 10, 2017 at 10:01 am

    Timely! My mother has always been very critical of me, her only daughter. I went to therapy because there had o be something wrong with ME! A good therapist pointed out my mother was probably narcissistic. Indeed, her dramatics, grudge holding and silent treatments made sense. Fast forward: she is not welcomed by her 3 sons, she’s in a retirement home in a distant state and I’m the one managing her finances and nursing help. She is pissed that I have to do this, but due to drinking she is unable to care for herself. Even though I know better, at 66 she still knows how to make me crazy. Any help as I find I feel sorry fo her….all alone..

    Reply
    • March 11, 2017 at 5:41 pm

      Hi Cathyjane

      I understand you feeling sorry for your mum as my sister and I are in the same boat. Unfortunately narcissistic people are difficult to like, we still love them but for our own self preservation we have to remove ourselves from the never ending BS. We grew up being the carers and sadly can hardly remember many fun times with her. She is now in a very nice nursing home, subsidised by us. She is 82 now and still moans and groans about her terrible life, as she is incapable of letting go of the past. It might help if you speak to someone and vent, as it must be difficult dealing with her without support. I hope these few lines helped and if you want to chat further I’m happy to

      Kind regards
      Life’s journey aka Sheree

      Reply
    • March 11, 2017 at 7:17 pm

      Hi CathyJane,
      I am sorry to hear this. A lot of people identify their parents as “narcissists.” You are certainly not alone.
      I caution most of my clients on over-using this word as it becomes the “typical social” way to refer to someone who is difficult, self-centered, or has a very strong personality. Most people are not narcissist, but some are. It’s difficult to spot them sometimes because they don’t fit the criteria we think they should. Some very narcissistic people appear kind and sweet. Go figure!
      Take care

      Reply
      • March 12, 2017 at 10:29 pm

        I agree. It’s not always clear-cut, especially for those of us who are not mental health professionals. My mother fit many of the narcissistic traits, but I’ve decided to use a more general term: toxic behaviour. Until I was on my own, I didn’t have a clue that anyone else could see it, too.

        Reply
      • March 14, 2017 at 10:44 pm

        Yeah. It’s hard to see it sometimes and often we think others cannot. You’d be surprised at how many people see narcissistic behaviors but minimize them, ignore them, or remain silent about them because of how hard it is to get others to believe the person is narcissistic. It’s a catch 22, a strange dichotomy.

        Reply
  • March 10, 2017 at 3:37 pm

    Thank you! Excellent article, and yes they do not have may acts or ways of behaviour, ex np was like a text book narc. Now totally transparent to me. And of course I was discarded and of course the was hoovering. Now NC since 3 months. Know now they cannot have a real relation and cannot have intimacy, the totally lack the capacity for that because they have not matured to more than a six year old.

    Reply
    • March 11, 2017 at 7:15 pm

      Thank you Lovisala. I appreciate your kind comment. And I agree they lack maturity. Stay tuned for my article on how to deal with this 5 year old behavior next week!

      Reply
  • March 11, 2017 at 7:44 am

    When it’s your parent, you’re stuck with them. When you marry one, that’s different, especially if they turn violent on you. But, the one that completely caught me off guard was a BEST friend who had this child-like voice and happiness until I got to know her. Then, she had woes and no amount of pointing toward the future or positive things was good enough. She created drama where there was none. (I am not a big fan of drama.) There was no consoling her, either. My ears perked up when this pillar of society told me I was a better person than her when I tried to help someone with problems catch up to the rest of us in a group. She said she would have thrown them out. I was shocked. That was my first clue something wasn’t right, because her profession was all about helping others. Then, she once said she had previously dumped a best friend and never looked back. Never explained to the person; just dumped her. One day, I was dumped on my ear with no explanation. She just would not answer the phone. I left phone messages and text messages to ask what I had done. Never got an answer. After a few weeks, I realized I had been used and was no longer needed, and my concern for trying to repair a damaged friendship was only feeding her ego. We were never best friends, as far as she was concerned.

    Reply
  • March 11, 2017 at 8:14 am

    Great article. This was right on target. I had no choice but to put up with a narcissist for years. Friends kept saying she was selfish but I couldn’t understand how anyone could be so mean every single day. It was hell to put up with. She put on the “act” for certain higher level people at work who were easily fooled and pulled into her fan club. The rest of the crowd she hung out with were what you describe as “lesser” than the narcissist. She’d ask grown adults to get her coffee, talk to them like children, scold them like children, point the finger like they were bad. She was like the worst teacher imaginable. She volunteered for charity events (pouring lemonade) just to make herself look good. She couldn’t care less about the sick children she was pretending to help. She had angry outbursts over minor incidents. Most of us living with this individual had little knowledge of what narcissism was. Now we’re all reading about it. Can’t wait for next weeks article on how to deal with these people.

    Reply
    • March 11, 2017 at 7:20 pm

      Thank you Nicki. I appreciate that.
      Stay tuned for next week. I think you’ll like it!
      Take care

      Reply
  • March 13, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    Will my ex narrscist change for someone of high status ( Pretty , and her family has money ) He says he is happy now and that he will do anything for someone he actually cares about ( as in not me ) He is also still abusing me but making it very obvious to everyone else he is so happy.

    Reply
    • March 14, 2017 at 10:42 pm

      Hi Katie,
      Although I don’t know the full situation or your ex, I cannot say for sure. But most likely not, unless she is similar to him in some ways. A narcissist often has little to no empathy and has no idea how they are affecting others. Many times they are concerned about minor things such as money, fame, prestige, attention, etc. and not so much about building a lasting love relationship that is healthy with anyone.

      Reply
  • March 14, 2017 at 10:51 am

    I am very familiar with the disorder. I can spot them a mile away. It might take a few interactions but in the end, I see them. The most recent was my husbands boss. A woman who preys on married men for attention and to conqure. She played my husband so well that he eventually was flirting with her. I told him he was being played. He refused to believe me. It almost ended us. Shes had multiple affairs with other married men. Shes been caught by other wives but I doubt any of them knew what they were really dealing with. In the end, I managed to get some justice but she still has everyone thinking shes a victim. She has many blind servants. Great read and spot on.

    Reply
  • March 22, 2017 at 3:52 pm

    I’m diagnosed with NPD and rather than having been the abuser, I’ve been the victim of abuse many times. My psychologist and psychiatrist encourage me to socialize and develop relationships with people, which is difficult because I am very uncomfortable around others. Your articles seem to suggest that I am right to avoid people. Your articles also make it seem as though people with NPD are not so deserving of love or compassion and have little hope of finding peace in life. Reading things like this can be very hurtful and I’m glad I didn’t read this when I still struggled with suicide ideation. If you understood what it’s like to feel so fundamentally different from others, always searching for a sense of belonging that doesn’t exist, feeling like no one could ever truly love someone like you, I don’t think you’d try to tear us down so much. I hope that if anyone else with NPD reads this they are able to find the peace and self-compassion they deserve, and come into contact with much kinder people.

    Reply
  • March 29, 2017 at 7:56 pm

    I lived with a man for three years. He had me convinced that I was worthless. I was suicidal. He isolated me from everyone. My family friends and my daughter. He stole 100000.00 from me saying he would make me millions. He made me give up my dogs house and daughter. He would not leave my home and could not live if he did not control my life completely. Anyone in this situation needs to get out at any cost. I may not be alive today without my best friend who did not give up on me.

    Reply
  • May 13, 2017 at 1:55 pm

    I will post a longer post later, but for right now, is narcissism a disorder that can be inherited ?
    I believe so.
    I had an aunt who was one and a sister who has it now, and neither one were around each other to see the behaviors to know the behaviors, yet both had identical behavior patterns. The aunt was my fathers sister.

    Reply
    • May 14, 2017 at 4:46 pm

      Hi Joanne,
      Yes, narcissism is a trait that can be inherited. It has a very firm genetic foundation. In other words, research has confirmed through multiple studies that narcissism is strongly inherited. It is also encouraged by nurture, the way someone is raised or the things the person is exposed to over the course of their development.
      So basically it is both nature and nurture that influences a person to exhibit narcissistic traits.

      Take care

      Reply
  • May 13, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    my experience with them they are very sociologically abusing and pulling you down while the areas they have up there pulling them down in your life and high levels of gossip to destroy you. narcissist are not an equal opportunist they try and make you feel bad about yourself

    Reply
  • June 29, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    This is the best article on NDP I have read to date. It really explains what narcissistic behavior looks like “on the ground,” so to speak. I had a friend a while back that after about 6 months, I began to wonder if she was a narcissist, but the usual list of “symptoms” where clinical, and often based on the internal feelings of the narcissist themselves. In order to validate my experience of her, I needed to know what signs I might be seeing or experiencing. This article does that, and I am no longer in doubt.

    The friendship unfolded exactly the way this article describes; in the end she got involved in a situation between my husband and I who were having problems at the time, by dropping an “overheard” conversation into an already tense and hurtful time period in my marriage. The fallout was dramatic, and involved more than one friend. Fortunately, I realized that she was the cause and cut off ties with her, and my husband and I eventually healed our relationship.

    Now that I’m in my later 40’s, I am better able to identify and stay away from people with unstable personalities of any kind. It’s unfortunate, because many people with personality disorders have wonderful qualities; but the damage they can cause and their sometimes bottomless pit of need makes them usually not worth the effort it takes to stay friends.

    Thanks again for the article!

    Reply
    • July 2, 2017 at 8:54 pm

      Hi Ggirl,
      Thank you so much. Glad you found the article helpful. It was inspired by personal experience working in the field. I have had multiple experiences with narcissism and I’ve learned just how tricky, manipulative, uncaring, and harmful individuals with these traits can be. You are better off to run miles away than to stick around to be hurt. Each moment with the narcissist is like a ticking time bomb.
      Take care

      Reply
  • July 26, 2017 at 12:53 pm

    Dear Tamara,

    I have married into a family that live, follow and roll in it if “IT” was food or money, called Narcissistic traits. I keep notes every time I am near this type of blood-sucking-Narcs. Days after I feel empty of stealing my time and energy.
    *My husbands’ great grandfather were Narcs based on 200 years of history.
    Alcoholic-sexual deviant-absentee-parenting. CAREER CRIMINALS, jail time, sibling against sibling in courts, children sexual abuse by both parents and grandparents. Drugs by doctor-shopping. All Narcs in this family find jobs to keep their habits going. Two sisters work in Hospice, which out pain pills for ‘look-a-likes’ and tweet at work. King-Ron (rotten to the core) works in a convention center and walks out daily with his big haul of items security didn’t check…on and on with each member of the family.
    *Husband, he’s mild and I find awesome sites like this to educate myself.
    Thank YOU for listening to all.

    Reply
  • December 28, 2017 at 11:26 pm

    Awesome post…..

    Reply
  • January 8, 2018 at 7:12 am

    The problem when you are willing to call someone as having this disorder is when you are sure that person is no good. No person is really all that bad. I am sure I can find many people who would say I have this disorder.Instead of classifying people as narcissistic and not,I wish people realised that every person is unique and have their own way of thinking.

    Reply
    • January 13, 2018 at 2:30 pm

      I wish the world was that simple but it isn’t. Reality is that despite us all being different and having “unique” characteristics, human nature and the mind goes far deeper than that. We have illnesses and personality traits that “rule” those we love. And sadly, we live in a world of narcissists and sociopaths. To reduce everything to

      “no person is really all that bad”

      we love objectivity and truth.

      Wish we could have it this way but we can’t.
      Take care

      Reply
      • April 13, 2018 at 6:00 pm

        Spot On Tamara Hill!! 👍👏👏👏

        Reply
  • January 9, 2018 at 9:10 am

    Some of the things you say sound very familiar. I am in a relationship with someone who has some of those traits. He is sweet and wonderful so much of the time. Especially when people are around but when alone I think he is trying to drive me crazy. I see him do things that he swears he never did. He says i am seeing things and i should get help. He cries and acts hurt that I am treating him so badly and accusing him of things he isn’t doing. It has gotten to the point of where I am questioning my own sanity. I don’t know what to do.

    Reply
    • January 13, 2018 at 2:27 pm

      Hi Bree,
      Have you considered going to therapy together? You might find that it is helpful (if you find a good therapist). You can find millions of therapist in your area by going to http://www.psychologytoday.com and putting your zipcode into “find a therapist” and scroll to find someone who looks like they can help.

      Take care

      Reply
  • February 17, 2018 at 8:55 pm

    Thank you for this insightful article; you have provided much food for thought.

    As you might have guessed, I am in a bad/shocking/ongoing situation: not with a lover, parent, colleague or boss, but with my grown son.

    Gaslighting, projection, transference, bullying, harassment, infantalizing… you name it, he’s done it.

    Truly, the best course of action is as you’ve said: walk away, even if doing so fills your world with hurt. Not only does it save your sanity and well-being, but – more importantly: it means you are not enabling your narcissist.

    As most articles I’ve read on narcissism deal with work, parent/child, friend or spouse relationships, it would be so helpful to read about children who target their parent(s).

    Just out of curiosity, is it generally mothers who are targeted the most, or fathers? Or both parents equally?

    Thanks so much!

    Krejados

    Reply
  • March 6, 2018 at 8:17 am

    Thank you for your very clear, concise, and useful article on this type of personality disorder. At the very moment I needed it, your words spoke peace and strength to me. I will now be able to deal with my present circumstances more effectively and wisely, thereby restoring my own peace of mind.

    Reply
    • March 10, 2018 at 4:14 pm

      Hi Frances,
      Thank you! I’m glad you found the article helpful. I’ve been in that position in the past where I’ve needed someone (just someone) to speak peace to me and I was able to find that solace through the voice of someone who understood my situation. This can be restoring. I’m glad that I could serve part of that cause for you.
      Take care

      Reply
  • April 13, 2018 at 5:57 pm

    Unbelieveable Behaviors- #9

    There is no ‘Its As if they Almost get pleasure or Empowerment from seeing others fail or hardtimes”.

    Narcs without a doubt get a Huge powertrip out of others misfortunes. Because they Hate people who do well in life. They Live & Thrive from this.

    They are dispicable empty carcasses.

    Reply
  • April 19, 2018 at 2:10 pm

    It’s too late. Yes, he got me, or I should say $8000. Grandson, ‘M’, 26, who approached me (as you say, checking me out)(vulnerable). He now has a good job, but no credit. So I wanted to help him establish credit and was therefore sweet talked into transferring the money to his account, with the agreement he would pay me back $200/mo – his boss was giving him this monthly raise. My assumption was that the $8000 would take care of his debts – oops! – just now finding out that he owes his big family lots. He was to pay me in March and now in April. He deceived me in March and now in April tried again; but this time I caught him with the lie – and he read me the riot act in text – how bad I was and my son, his step-father, on and on, to which I cut him off. He called on home phone, which I did not answer! This really pissed him off!!

    Your article was helpful in giving me a description of his personality. I am 82 yrs young and have never come across this behavior, ever. And from a step grandson, who I adore and I thought adored me for 26 yrs!! Wrong, like you say, he apparently has no conscious. I am aware enough to let it go. My hanging up on him and not giving him any more attention I know is where I need to be. He has two baby mommas from high school and a son, 9, and daughter, 5. He is now married and they are expecting their first child this May. Their baby shower is to be this Sunday at my clubhouse. And in a text I did say, pay up now or the baby shower will be cancelled. This is when he really went wildly crazy.

    Right now I will not cancel the baby shower. His mom (my ex-to-be daughter-in-law) is in charge. I was going to go, cause as a Resident of this community, I should be there. ‘M’ also tried to argue me down about, saying ‘that I do not own the clubhouse.’ Again like you said and I am just learning he is very immature, 5 yrs old, would be accurate. His mind, body and spirit are being negatively attacked by this behavior. I am sure he has been arguing with the two baby mommas for yrs; avoiding the family who he owes; and my son and I wonder if any one is even going to show up at the baby shower! That would be way cool!! I do find humor in it. I do know money is the root of all evil. And don’t give your soul to the company store. I am in a good place in letting it go and plan to sit tight and see what develops. I may go to the clubhouse later to see if they have it all cleaned up – cause I am responsible. I am sad to think he has this disorder. He is a manager of an auto parts store; he is a Master Mechanic. Right now living in Aurora, CO, he is in Montana being interviewed for a transfer and big promotion. This would be the next step for him to eventually be promoted back down to Denver with a $100,000+ management job. Do I believe this is possible for him? or a sweet talk? I am also sad cause I was expecting to be in this baby girl’s life; but sorry to say I will not . . . family is everything; and it’s hard for me to know he has no compassion. But like you say, he has acquired three children who will look up to him and this doting wife. Negative energy is involved in his story – better late than never for me to learn this – so I do see a very positive side – and as the observer that I am – I am open to learn what I am to learn – and happily know that he will never get another warm hug nor smile from his one-and-only Italian grandma! and definitely no more of my spaghetti and meatballs!!! Too bad, so sad!

    Reply
  • May 11, 2018 at 12:23 pm

    Do narcissists know they are narcissists? I have often wondered if a person of many years treats others as she treats me. She is the epitome of the narcissist you describe. Before I found this site, I had made the decision to break ties. And came to the conclusion that if she doesn’t know she’s doing it she treats others that way. If she knows she’s doing it, I have concluded that she is targeting me. She’s the second person in my life that fits the stereotype. The last one practically led me to suicide. What ended it was my home burned to the ground and I didn’t even care. I sold the land and left only to find my “best friend” was the same way. I always supported her when she was having a hard time but when I was having a hard time she would smear it in my face. And it’s always something ing like that. She called me yesterday because she wanted some advise from me. I didn’t engage. Then she called me early this morning ” sensing” that something was wrong…and she didn’t “know”? After the most recent insult in front of my. Own family? Like she doesn’t know what she’s doing? Do you think so? In case she decides to “visit” me today I am planning to be out of town so I can avoid her. I am fed up, pissed off, and working on healing myself and leaving her behind. I’m glad I found your site. Thank you. June

    Reply
    • May 20, 2018 at 3:06 pm

      Hi June,
      Thanks for your comment. No. I don’t think narcissists know they are narcissists and how they treat people. There are some, however, who are aware that their behaviors are different or “abnormal.” It’s often best to see narcissism as being on a spectrum with 10 being the worst and one being unnoticeable. There are some narcissists who are extremely blind to their detrimental behaviors and may show many signs of being a sociopath. There are also those narcissists who are aware of their behaviors but have little to no power over them. It is also important to look at the person’s character and how they behave in other situations. Some narcissists have patterns of behavior that leave most of the relationships in their lives hurt or destroyed.

      Take care

      Reply
  • June 29, 2018 at 10:18 pm

    Wow, this is so refreshing to learn, as I am currently involved with someone with a lot of these narcissistic traits! It’s refreshing because I have been grappling with his negative behaviors for some years now and just really wondering what the hell to do! I am a very positive, upbeat and independent person so thank goodness that I do have some love and respect for myself and I’m spiritually grounded, as this dude would have destroyed me a long time ago! But I often wonder why I continue to stay, yes I love him, but I love me more; so why have I put up with this for so long? I ask myself all the time. I’m seeing a therapist and starting to learn more about these behaviors, so hopefully I will be able to figure out why I continue to allow this man to try and break my spirit. I think that I am getting close to a breaking point because I am to the point where I just don’t care and I don’t allow him to get under my skin as much; but I know that it is unhealthy for me and I darn sure deserve much better treatment and respect from my mate! I like this blog and hope that through prayer, this blog and my therapist sessions, that I will be able to find solace and strength to stand up to him and if need be remove him from my life if his emotional abuse does not stop.

    Reply
    • July 12, 2018 at 4:12 pm

      Hi there BSmith:
      Thank you for your comment and I’m glad you find this blog helpful! I’m sorry your comment wasn’t posted in a timely fashion. It got mixed up into the spam folder.

      But I appreciate your perspective and the sharing of your story. It appears that you are struggling with letting go of all of the emotions you likely have about this man. It isn’t easy to separate. It often takes a variety of things to help women and men release themselves from the grips of a narcissist. Narcissists use a variety of tactics to keep the vulnerable bound. The key for you is recognition of the problem (as you seem to have done already), therapy, and education.
      I wish you the best

      Reply
 

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Minority M.H. Awareness Month: 5 Important Issues


Did you know that July is National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month?

If not, you’re not alone. Sadly this month is often overlooked by the majority in the U.S. You can’t fully blame them for not paying attention as Men’s Health Month, National Safety Month, PTSD Awareness Month, and LGBT Pride Month keeps a lot of people preoccupied fighting for their own causes.

But we can’t forget the significance of this month as it provides the greater knowledge we need, as a society, to reach for those who have suffered injustice, social and institutional discrimination, and disenfranchisement in many more ways than one.

This article will focus on bringing awareness to the ever increasing concern for those of color of ALL ethnic groups.

One thought on “Minority M.H. Awareness Month: 5 Important Issues

  • July 19, 2018 at 6:53 am

    I live in a small city with mostly white people and black people have been moving in slowly. One thing I’ve noticed is that young black boys tend to make spectacles of themselves at the mall or just walking around–they are the loudest and make you know they’re there. I wonder if this is due to overcompensation for feelings of inadequacy, since they’re in a predominantly white city?

    Reply
 

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