10 Traumatizing Life Circumstances We Overlook
What do you know about trauma? Have you (or someone you know) experienced a traumatizing situation? If so, you are not alone. Trauma affects about 26% of the child US population. About 60% of adults report experiencing trauma in some form as a child. When speaking with families who have experienced trauma, I often explain trauma to be an event or circumstance that negatively affects an individual who does not have the appropriate coping skills/tools to overcome the trauma. Trauma is any circumstance that outweighs your ability to cope. Simply put, the event is terrifying, unnerving, and unexpected. For many of us, unexpected events can bring a host of anxious thoughts and feelings including depressed mood.
Trauma is a topic that I have become very passionate about. This passion led me to pursue certifications in trauma and to branch out in my field to work with children, teens, and families who has been traumatized. As you will see by a quick view of this blog’s history that my main topic is trauma. Society has, sadly, ignored the importance of understanding trauma for years. Thankfully today’s studies, articles, and professionals are promoting the importance of greater awareness of trauma and how it affects humanity. There are a few life events or circumstances, however, that we tend to ignore as a society full of trauma-based experiences. Some of the life events we fail to recognize as traumatizing include but are not limited by:
- Child abuse: Child abuse can include sexual, physical, emotional/psychological abuse and neglect. Neglect can occur when a caretaker is unable to provide for basic needs such as food, clothing, shelter, etc. A neglectful caretaker will often leave kids to their own devices and ignore/”forget” to be a parent. These children are often removed from such homes by child protective services (CPS) and placed in the foster/adoption system or with a more stable family member. Children who are abused in any of the ways above are often removed from the home by CPS. Sadly, there are cases in which the abuse is so insidious or difficult to prove that children may not be removed from the home and will grow up under abusive behaviors. These children grow into adolescents or adults who struggle with flashbacks, night sweats, depression or anxiety, sleep difficulties, eating disorders, suicidal thoughts, or psychotic systems. Unfortunately, there are people who believe, based on their own unstable upbringing, that corporal punishment is appropriate no matter what. This incorrect theory has led many parents into physical abuse as the line between corporal punishment and abuse is very, very thin.
- Domestic violence: Children who grow up under parents who engage in frequent domestic battles are likely to suffer from post-traumatic symptoms such as difficulty sleeping, night terrors or nightmares, flashbacks, racing thoughts, or high levels of stress. Domestic violence can include any type of abuse toward a spouse, including sexual abuse. During the beginning of my career 7 years ago in a residential center for children, I had learned of a child (age 9) who struggled with enuresis (i.e., incontinence or difficulty holding one’s urine), fits of rage and physical aggression, changing moods, and crying spells after being removed from a home in which her father physically, emotionally, and sexually abused her step-mother. She witnessed (by seeing and hearing) her step-mother being abused almost everyday. This abuse began to affect her ability to learn in school and follow rules at home.
- Unexpected murder/death: Who is ever ready for an unexpected death? Most people wrongly assume that death and dying is an unimportant topic for those who are youthful and vibrant. The only population of people who consider the reality of death and dying are those individuals who are 65 and older. Sadly, we, as a society, believe that the topic of death and dying should never occur among the youthful. Why? Because younger people are focused on attending school or trade programs, graduating, getting married, having children, or growing in their professions. An unexpected death is very traumatizing, primarily for family members who lose a younger family member.
- Chronic illness: Chronic illness can be very traumatizing, especially if the illness is terminal. Cancer, Diabetes, stroke, multiple or unsuccessful surgeries, and illnesses with severe symptoms can result in symptoms of post traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The worry, anxiety, depression, and stress that overwhelms the individual with the illness and those who love the individual, can be very overpowering. Terminal illnesses such as certain forms of cancer can truly result in increased levels of anxiety and depression. In addition, having to take multiple medications, get multiple shots, or experience multiple abrasive tests or procedures can also be traumatizing, especially for young children. Thankfully, hospitals like Children’s Hospital strive to make seeing doctors a positive experience for children.
- Psychiatric/medical treatment: About 1 year ago I saw an adolescent client who struggled with years of medical procedures and medical doctors who either did not believe she was experiencing physical pain or doctors who could not find the cause of the physical pain. This adolescent girl struggled with multiple diagnoses that did not make sense, abrasive procedures that resulted in a week or a month needed to recover, and embarrassing referrals to psychiatrists for psychiatric treatment. This young lady came to me for trauma informed therapy. She reported feeling misunderstood and called “crazy.” She wanted to learn coping skills for dealing with multiple doctors who she felt did not believe her. She began to struggle with night-terrors or nightmares that would interrupt her sleep nightly. She was stressed. She was traumatized by repeated negative experiences.
- Migration/Immigration: Can you imagine the kind of fear and humiliation parents of illegal status experience when trying to pursue a better life for themselves and their families? While we can all agree that illegal immigration has its cons, we cannot (in the name of political correctness) ignore the fact that many women with young children attempt to cross the border to seek a higher standard of living for their children and their families. Just as we cannot lump everybody together in the U.S. based on color, age, etc., we cannot lump all immigrants together and consider them “illegal criminals.” Some desperate parents have escaped from very imprisoning and dangerous situation just to push their children over the border to safety. In other cases, American adults may adopt children from other countries and fail to apply for permanent status. Every situation is different. But one thing remains the same: the entire process can be traumatizing. In addition, migration or the act of legally leaving one’s country can also be traumatizing.
- Loss of employment/housing: Loss of employment (resignation with no plan to return to work, retirement, or being fired) can lead to symptoms of depression and anxiety. Our jobs are the foundation of our self-esteem and self-talk. When there are challenges at work or you have been fired/”let go” it is very easy to fall into a rut of depression. Most people have tied their identities into work and once the individual resigns or is fired, it may become difficult to re-build an identity. The fact that unpaid bills can lead to shut-off notices, repossession of ones car, limited food in the house, loss of shelter and comfort, etc. is traumatizing as well.
- Parental alienation: I’m sure we can all agree that every parent should be a parent and a good parent. Parents who alienate their children or child are very disliked in our society due to the emotional and psychological trauma they cause the innocent child. Children who are alienated by their parents often experience low self-esteem, self-hatred, flashbacks of cruel and mean actions by the parent(s), and depression or anxiety. If a child has been severely alienated by their parent(s), symptoms of PTSD are likely to occur.
- Parental severe mental illness: Severe mental illness can also be traumatizing for the person experiencing the symptoms and for those who love the individual experiencing symptoms. Severe mental illness often includes severe psychotic behaviors (delusions and hallucinations and thought disturbance), severe cycling of bipolar symptoms such as mania and depression, schizophrenia, and severe and untreated depression. PTSD that is untreated can co-occur with psychotic symptoms and depression or anxiety. For children being raised under a parent with a severe mental illness that is untreated can truly experience traumatizing events that can result in intense fear, negative memories or flashbacks, an inability to trust others, and mental health symptoms. Having a very overbearing parent with a personality disorder such as borderline personality disorder, anti-social personality disorder, or narcissism can be traumatizing as well. Although very controversial, studies have demonstrated that children raised under an abusive and potentially unstable parent can develop symptoms characteristic of Dissociation Identity Disorder (DID – formerly known as Multiple Personality Disorder).
- Adoption/Child Protective Services: It wasn’t until I began working in the field as a Master Level Clinician that I was able to see the “inside stories” of those who have been placed in the adoption/foster system. Any adult to takes it upon themselves to raise another person’s child is truly someone to admire. However, there are some people who should never adopt and who should receive a full psychiatric evaluation if questions about mental health stability arise. Some foster/adoptive parents struggle with untreated or poorly treated mental health and behavioral problems. Some are physically, sexually, or emotionally/psychologically abusive. Others can be very strict and unfair. Being adopted by an unstable adult can feel like a nightmare. Previous clients have shared their horror stories with me and I can confidently say that these individuals were very much traumatized by the adoption/foster system. In addition, it can be very traumatizing to a young child when CPS comes into the home to remove the child from an environment and from adults the child has grown close to. Some battered children would rather continue life with an abuser than to be taken by CPS and placed in a system where further abuse (even by the system itself) can occur.
Do you have ideas of circumstances or situations that may be traumatizing? If so, I look forward to your insights and perspectives.
All the best
Psychologytoday.com. (2013). The impact of parental alienation on children. Co-Parenting after divorce. Retrieved June 5, 2016 from, https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/co-parenting-after-divorce/201304/the-impact-parental-alienation-children.
Hill, T. (2016). 10 Traumatizing Life Circumstances We Overlook. Psych Central. Retrieved on January 22, 2018, from https://blogs.psychcentral.com/caregivers/2016/11/10-traumatizing-life-circumstances-we-overlook/