2 thoughts on “You’re Being Emotionally Abused–What Do You Do About it?

  • February 11, 2015 at 11:24 am

    Oh yes Holly-what the words you write are so absolutely true. Emotional abuse-in my case, covert emotional abuse from my husband changes how you think of yourself and how you feel. Married 20 years now and its been quite the “adventure” so to speak. Just like marriage vows say “for better or worse”, well I got them both. I recognized that this behavior was toxic and tried to leave 15 yrs ago. Was out (w/two young sons) but feel for the hook and was sucked back in with all the promises for change, that alas nothing ever really changed. I had a breakdown and was pretty un functional (only did what was absolute neccessity for boys. Finally I decided if I was staying married I had to do something make it better. And it improved, even both our families had commented. I thought finally, it was worth the struggles (he is covert, nicest guy narcissist & successful) you would wanna know. Until I discovered the text message that he was having an affair.REALLY MESSED ME UP, especially when I discovered who and for how long going on. Anyway still together attempting to work it out. Realize that just might NOT happen -was terrified (he controls everything) but Im changing the way I react, have seen an attorney and no longer afraid of letting him go. Well not exactly right I still hate the thought but at least I know I wont have to live in poverty with what the attry said he will have to pay me possibly tilI pass or him. This gives me more strength to call him on his *hit. I am paying very close attention to if his actions match his words because if he doesnt man up -im gone.

    So long I apologize, but my one point and question is/are: My biggest concern is how all of this effects sons (now 19 & 23). They suffered in many ways worse than me, in as being an adult Itried my best to stand up to him (not very successfully), made me realize how awful for them being kids and not being able to protect themselves. So should i have gone 15 years ago been better for them. Not totally sure but I have to say yes because they both have emotional difficulties and I am so afraid that I have set them up tosuffer & struggle all their lives. Its just so mind boggling the destruction of narcissistic personality traits on children and families. This is his family legacy (his father same way) but from outside everythings looks so perfect. Now it has been passed to my sons. I always knew this would happen but try as I did unable to prevent it. I dread the day that I will have to apologize to a sons wife because of the way treated by my son. I know this because of the look my MIL will give to me sometimes (look of im so sorry) because of his behavior. Your article obviously was moving to me and ive read several of your posts and will cobtinue to read. Thanks

    Reply
    • February 11, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      It sounds like you’ve tried hard to recognize mistakes you made, to learn from them, and to stand up for yourself. Your sons have seen that, and hopefully will learn from that model of how to recover. It’s hard not to feel down when your kids are suffering, no matter how old they are. But all you can do is show them love and compassion and the wisdom you’ve acquired through your own suffering. Beating yourself up doesn’t help you or them; it just weakens you.
      Stay strong!

      Reply
 

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