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Archives for May, 2014


Are You A Doormat?

Yes, I went for a provocative title.   I know people are not doormats, but let's face it, sometimes we all have occasions where we act like it.  But if you find that you're habitually getting walked on, it might be time to make some changes.

This is actually a companion piece to my last blog, "Do You Hold Grudges?"  An astute reader commented that sometimes he tries to be so open-minded...
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Dialectical Behavior Therapy

How to Handle Overwhelming Emotions

I was just reliving my younger years as I worked on the Teen Angst playlist for Spotify, as inspired by my novel "Don't Try to Find Me."  Adolescence, for many, involves overwhelming emotion, in part because so many of the emotions feel new as well as intense.  What's the best way to understand and cope with all these emergent feelings? In some ways, that's the key developmental task of adolescence.

But for some people, the struggle continues...
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Reconnecting With A Distant Partner

I practice emotionally-focused couples therapy, which is about trust and security being the bedrock of a relationship.  The core question we're all asking, on an emotional level, is: When I need you, will you be there for me?  Can I count on you?

If we sense--again, on a subterranean emotional level, possibly beneath our conscious awareness--that our partner is unreliable, or unreachable, all sorts of issues can ensue.  We might find ourselves more prone to stress, irritability,...
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When You Didn’t Get the Mother You Deserved

For some of my adult clients, Mother's Day is painful.  That's because they are surrounded by exhortations to tell their mothers how much they love her.  But what if they don't feel that?  What if they missed out on the kind of mother they deserved?

I'm assuming that if you're reading this, you've had similar feelings.  Perhaps your mother was absent, or neglectful, or abusive, or narcissistic.  Maybe she's in your life, maybe you've had to cut...
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Should A Cheater Be Forgiven?

I've been watching "True Tori", the reality show following Tori Spelling and her husband Dean McDermott, who confessed to a two-day affair (after Tori got the heads-up that the tabloids were about to run the story.)  A recent study says that the key element in whether a relationship can recover from infidelity is if the cheating party confessed.  (Unsurprisingly, no studies have been done to show whether confessing under threat of tabloid exposure meets the criteria.)

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Why Your Teen Might Not Talk to You (Until It’s Too Late)

Teen suicide is way more common than you'd think.  1 in 12 teenagers have attempted suicide, according to a 2012 report.  And the idea that people who talk about killing themselves are not actually going to try has long been proven to be a fallacy.  If someone is talking about it, then they're thinking about it, and thinking about it is a step toward doing it.

But if your teenager is talking to you about those thoughts,...
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