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Coping Strategies

Hook-Up Culture Shock – 10 Ways to Fix it Right Now



Let's get rid of it. The hook-up culture. I don't know when it started. But let's stop it. I'm guessing it began as a feminist thing. We want casual sex too! We don't care. But we do. In the last 15 years of my practice never once have I heard a young girl tell me that she liked being dumped in the morning. NEVER ONCE. As I was watching these confident olympian girls and women,...
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Coping Strategies

3 Reasons Why Your Appearance Doesn’t Matter


For the last few decades we have heard that the *media* have given us the wrong idea about ourselves.

We should not compare our looks to Brooke Sheilds or America's Top Model. But here we still are. The goal is to sell, sell, sell.  Make-up is Queen.

#metoo, while the most important social movement of this era, has still not gone so far as to say, don't focus on your looks.  Focus...
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Coping Strategies

3 Reasons to Trust Your Gut – Not Your Anxiety


What is the difference between your anxiety telling you something and your intuition telling you something?

Trust your gut, they   In this piece in New York Magazine they say,

What makes self-sabotage so tricky is that it attempts to solve one problem (alleviate your abandonment anxiety) by creating another (making your partner want to leave).  You get so wrapped up in proving your theory, in the “stress and anxiety,”...
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Coping Strategies

How to Fix Your Parents in 4 Simple Steps


How can I get my parents to change?

First realize that you can't.  I remember in 1976, when my parents divorced.  I spent the next 15 years trying to wrack my brain for the "why."What a waste of time that was. For one thing, it left me feeling inadequate over and over again.  For another, it wasn't mine to fix.  And finally, there is no why. More like how? But that's for another time. Nowadays my...
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Coping Strategies

5 Fun Interventions for Teens

Sometimes teenagers are quick to anger and quick to change.  Being able to have a safe place to blow off steam is not a bad thing.  It's much better than holding it all inside.  That's why I have a punching bag in the back of my office. Here are some other ways to help teens in trouble:

 Teens might be mad that their parents sent them to therapy in the first place.  Why me?  Why am I...
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Coping Strategies

Why Cheat?


Stalking your boyfriend or girlfriend gets you what exactly?  When I talk to adolescents and young adults in therapy they often want to show me their texts that they're saving (for what?) as "proof" that their boyfriend or girlfriend has betrayed them. What is gained by this?  Adults also save stalking texts of ex's and etc. presumably for the judge (?) in a divorce case. Sometimes they want to spend the whole session reading it.  That's ok....
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