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Archives for Relationships


Evicting Your Narcissist’s Voice From Your Head

Now I realize The Big Bang Theory isn't exactly the DSM-5. For that matter, neither is Doctor Who. But you'd be surprised how much you can learn, psychologically speaking, from geeky TV shows.

For example, whenever I hear my narcissists' voices reverberating in my mind, I'm reminded of The Table Polarisation, Season 7, Episode 16 of TBBT. In a nutshell, Leonard, my codependent doppelgänger, and his girlfriend Penny are shopping for a dining room table, a piece of furniture...
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The Fallen Woman

The Fallen Woman

She shrank away,
down grey blighted streets,
where the red-bricked terraces
shrank back in surprise;
and all the signs on shops
looked aged and faded.
Leaves ushered assorted admonishments;
trees stood dismissive and unearthed;
a shopkeeper raised his criss-cross brow:
for where do we go after birth?
She lay in her abandoned place,
memory tight in closed fist;
towering walls etched her plight
as she lay, screaming,
and all those many faces,
looked wearisome and jaded.
The wind buffeted her pain and loss,
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Book Excerpt

RELATIONSHIP MATH: The Codependent Narcissist Relationship Equation

Based on excerpt from The Human Magnet Syndrome: The Codependent Narcissist Trap (2018)
Back in 1986, when I was in college, I kept a bulletin board on which I thumb-tacked various quotes that had psychological and personal meaning for me. These messages were daily reminders of the beliefs and values I had or aspired to have. Many of the quotes remain “tacked” inside of me, as their message survived the test of time. One relied on...
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Coping Strategies

Girls Demand More – 5 Ways to Strengthen Our Boys

All my writing is about girls.  More girls come to therapy.  So what is going on with our boys these days?  From dating to gun violence we seem to be at a loss.

I met a new patient who is a 17 yo boy from the 'burbs.  He was cute in that awkward kind of way, lanky and unsure of himself, athletic.  His parents were in shock that he was struggling with such strong emotions as...
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True Intimacy Can Exist Only Between Equals

Melony and Jude married when they were both barely out of their teens. Like many couples, neither of them had experienced or observed much genuine intimacy in their lives or families prior to meeting and marrying. Melony’s mother was a hyper-responsible supermom who worked...
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Too Loyal Too Long: Abusive Partners, Trump Voters and Tricks of the Mind

We have heard a lot in the news lately about people, mostly women, who have been harassed, betrayed, abused and battered.  We have heard a lot of the obvious reasons why it has always been difficult for spouses and women generally to say "enough is enough."

We have also heard a lot about the amazing loyalty of Trump voters, many of whom are zealous in their support of a person and a set of beliefs that ...
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Narcissistic Hoover and Discard at Warp Speed

"Ah, this takes me back," Howard commented on The Big Bang Theory. "...I mean, don’t get me wrong, I love your new stuff, but once in a while it’s nice to hear the hits." And it's the "hits," the "classics," the basics of narcissism we're revisiting this month in Narcissism Meets Normalcy.

What I didn't expect was for Fate to put me through a hoover/discard scenario with a real-life narcissist over the weekend. It was amazing how fast it all happened! At...
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Holding the Tension of the Opposites

By learning to hold the tension of the opposites, we stretch and grow bigger. There is more space for seemingly opposite ideas, feelings and behaviors to peacefully co-exit. We become less rigid, more flexible, less judgmental and more tolerant, less fearful and more loving.

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Creative Thinking

50 Things to Do When You Unplug

Technology isn't terrible. It's amazing.

It makes our lives easier and more interesting. It connects us to communities we would've never been able to reach. But for many of us it also takes us away from other important things. It serves as our main source of entertainment and information. It shortens our attention spans. It serves as a way to disconnect from the world, from others and ourselves.

Technology is designed to get us hooked,...
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