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Coping Strategies

Hook-Up Culture Shock – 10 Ways to Fix it Right Now



Let's get rid of it. The hook-up culture. I don't know when it started. But let's stop it. I'm guessing it began as a feminist thing. We want casual sex too! We don't care. But we do. In the last 15 years of my practice never once have I heard a young girl tell me that she liked being dumped in the morning. NEVER ONCE. As I was watching these confident olympian girls and women,...
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Coping Strategies

3 Reasons Why Your Appearance Doesn’t Matter


For the last few decades we have heard that the *media* have given us the wrong idea about ourselves.

We should not compare our looks to Brooke Sheilds or America's Top Model. But here we still are. The goal is to sell, sell, sell.  Make-up is Queen.

#metoo, while the most important social movement of this era, has still not gone so far as to say, don't focus on your looks.  Focus...
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Coping Strategies

3 Reasons to Trust Your Gut – Not Your Anxiety


What is the difference between your anxiety telling you something and your intuition telling you something?

Trust your gut, they   In this piece in New York Magazine they say,

What makes self-sabotage so tricky is that it attempts to solve one problem (alleviate your abandonment anxiety) by creating another (making your partner want to leave).  You get so wrapped up in proving your theory, in the “stress and anxiety,”...
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Coping Strategies

Self-Compassion and ADHD

It’s said that we should treat other people the way we would want to be treated ourselves, but sometimes we have to be reminded of the opposite: that it’s worth treating ourselves with the same empathy we have for other people. Without even...
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Coping Strategies

The Rule of 1

When you have ADHD, sometimes you have to set rules for yourself. Some of the rules I’ve talked about before are that I never buy myself chocolate and I never start watching new TV series.
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Coping Strategies

How to Fix Your Parents in 4 Simple Steps


How can I get my parents to change?

First realize that you can't.  I remember in 1976, when my parents divorced.  I spent the next 15 years trying to wrack my brain for the "why."What a waste of time that was. For one thing, it left me feeling inadequate over and over again.  For another, it wasn't mine to fix.  And finally, there is no why. More like how? But that's for another time. Nowadays my...
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Coping Strategies

5 Fun Interventions for Teens

Sometimes teenagers are quick to anger and quick to change.  Being able to have a safe place to blow off steam is not a bad thing.  It's much better than holding it all inside.  That's why I have a punching bag in the back of my office. Here are some other ways to help teens in trouble:

 Teens might be mad that their parents sent them to therapy in the first place.  Why me?  Why am I...
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Coping Strategies

The Dog Park (as Metaphor)

     It started as a chore. We went, we ran, we came back. My Husky puppy with the bluest eyes, Milo, never seemed to get enough. The people at the park were calm, serene, lazy, crazy, manic, paranoid, weird and brilliant, by turns....
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Coping Strategies

Why Cheat?


Stalking your boyfriend or girlfriend gets you what exactly?  When I talk to adolescents and young adults in therapy they often want to show me their texts that they're saving (for what?) as "proof" that their boyfriend or girlfriend has betrayed them. What is gained by this?  Adults also save stalking texts of ex's and etc. presumably for the judge (?) in a divorce case. Sometimes they want to spend the whole session reading it.  That's ok....
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Coping Strategies

Feelings Come and Go –


Teaching CBT or DBT to teens and young adults is a little like teaching surfing. You have to learn to ride things out.

Feelings come and go. It's no longer getting through it, or dealing with it or coping with it; it's TOLERATING it. The number one thing I've learned after seven years of yoga, besides being able to do a "plank," is being able to hold a pose just an extra moment.  You think you will break; but you...
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