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Archives for January, 2017

Hope

Today I Love New Year’s Day

Gong hei fat choi

Today I love New Year's day. Gong hei fat choi. I love the celebrations, though I would dearly love to to experience them in a place where Chinese New Year is a really big deal. I love cultural celebrations that people are willing to share with their community and as celebrations go, Chinese New Year is pretty huge. I love all the bright colors, the shiny decorations, the different...
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General

Is Porn Cheating? Defining Infidelity in the Digital Age.

As a therapist who’s spent more than 25 years treating individuals and couples with intimacy and sexual issues, including every imaginable problem related to infidelity, I can assure you that one of the most difficult aspects of helping a person who has cheated on his or her significant other is getting that individual to view the behavior as infidelity. Either the cheater doesn’t think what he or she has done qualifies as infidelity,...
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Codependency

How to Maintain Your Sense of Self in Relationships


Do you seem to get swallowed up in relationships? Does your sense of self disappear when you’re strongly attached to someone else? This “loss of self” happens, whether you’ve been married for decades or are newly dating, when the other person or relationship becomes your identity.

You become all about the other person. Your needs get sidelined while the other...
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Self-Compassion

How to Motivate Yourself When You’re Feeling Down

Karen was having an off day, feeling down, and totally unmotivated. You know the kind -- when you just feel like crawling back in bed. We all have days when everything feels like an effort and we don’t want to do anything.

Karen’s a busy, single Mom with ambitious goals and never-ending parenting duties. As much as she wants to call it quits for the day, she also wants...
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Assertiveness

How to Communicate Your Feelings


Getting in touch with your feelings helps you to understand yourself. And sharing your feelings helps others to understand you better.

Being understood and accepted are universal human needs. So, when you share your inner experiences and feelings, you’re more likely to connect in deep and meaningful ways. You’re also more likely to get your needs met, leading to happier and healthier relationships.

Sharing your feelings can be a daunting proposition. When you share...
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Sex Addiction

Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: An Interview with Alexandra Katehakis, MFT

Recently, my colleague Alexandra Katehakis, founder of the Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles, published a research-based book entitled Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatment. Her thorough understanding of the neurobiological underpinnings of sexual addiction along with ways to address these underlying issues in the treatment process is impressive. Recently, I was able to speak with her about both her book and her theories on treating sexual addiction. A partial transcript of our conversation is presented...
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Mental Health

How to Create a Routine that Supports Good Mental Health

It’s January. You’re back to work and the kids are back to school. It’s time to put a routine in place that supports mental health and wellness.

Many of us plan to set up new routines and develop good habits in January. January feels like a fresh start, so it’s the natural time to recalibrate our habits.

Make your mental health a priority.

In my last post, I encouraged you...
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Overcoming Perfectionism

Journal Prompts for a New Year

January feels like a fresh start. It’s the perfect time for setting goals and looking forward. Most of us are so eager to cast off the old year and jump into the new one that we miss the opportunity to reflect on the year gone by. The truth is, last year (and the year before and the one before) all come with you into the new year.

Some of last year was...
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