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Estranged is Just Strange

holding-handsEstranged. Such a weird word. Sounds like someone is getting strangled. And it sounds uncomfortable.

This is my life right now. I am estranged from my husband. I don’t even know if I can call him a husband anymore. What is the correct term? Ex-husband. No papers have been signed, but I guess that is what he is. Just feels so strange to say it. It will take some getting used to.

A close girlfriend is going through a break-up right now. Five year relationship. So a good long time. They work together so that makes it even tougher. She is struggling with how people will perceive her. I did the same thing. My husband, ex-husband left me. He broke up with me. He moved out. I wondered how people would look at me. And what they would think of me. She is doing the same thing. I learned that that is just the ego. Our very powerful mighty force inside us all called the ego. It likes people to like us. It likes to put that image of perfection out there. Untouchable beauty and impossible to achieve levels of awesomeness.

None of it is real. It isn’t who we really are when the door closes behind us. None of us are perfect. Not a single one of us. We are all struggling with something. It has been hammered into us for generations that we should strive to unimaginable levels of achievement and portray a perfect image to the world.

Well clearly that is impossible. It is killing us all slowly. We are setting the bar ever and ever higher to try to attain these goals none of us will ever reach. And then what happens? We crash and burn and beat the hell out of ourselves.

It is a vicious cycle. One that we have to consciously pull ourselves out of. We have to wake up and realize that what we are projecting onto the world around us isn’t real. And we are setting ourselves up to fail every single time.

Ok, so we fall down. And maybe we look like a crazy person with things we have said. We have gained some weight. We don’t drive the “it” car. Our house looks perfect from the outside, but on the inside it is in shambles. Empty rooms, missing furniture, missing people, piles and piles of worthless stuff that is somehow extremely valuable to us. I know those can be metaphors, but for some of us it is very real.

We surround ourselves with the right people and try to keep up with everyone’s vision of us. I am not immune to this either. Because everyone lives with this stuff.

Honesty. Where did the honesty go? Have we ever had it? Think of my parents and they didn’t have it. My grandparents – nope. This pathology has existed for a very long time. It is our turn and our time to pull down the curtain to let in the truth and light.

And don’t you think if some of us lived with honesty as our mandate that people would let down their guards? You will start to attract those kinds of people. The rare ones that live their truth.

These people are not on Facebook by the way. For someone who is struggling with depression Facebook is possibly one of the worst things you can peruse through on a down day. Glowing, beautiful pictures of very happy families, babies, marriages, vacations, you name it. All the periphery of life stuff.  But is any of it truly what is going on?  Are they really THAT happy?  Are things just going along so swimmingly all of the time?  I doubt it.  But you don’t see those posts.

Just a thought to throw out there that it would be refreshing if honesty was the norm. If we didn’t worry so much about what other people thought of us. That we could live our truth and be ok with that. Let’s try that one for a while. What do you say?

Estranged is Just Strange


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APA Reference
, . (2015). Estranged is Just Strange. Psych Central. Retrieved on February 19, 2019, from


Last updated: 2 Sep 2015
Last reviewed: By John M. Grohol, Psy.D. on 2 Sep 2015
Published on All rights reserved.