So this has been a pretty intense week for me. I have been applying to different jobs. I work part time currently and need to earn more money to support a life on my own. So that has meant a dip into the job pool.
I gotta tell you, it is tough out there. But you already know that. Never mind getting the interview, or the second interview. It is that there is a third interview! And how about the stacks of homework you had to prepare for this second interview? Have a 5-10 minute presentation on the company prepared. There will be role playing segment. In this particular instance, cold calling. With some difficult people on the other end. Give a list of the top 10 clients you would approach and why. Map out for them the first month, third month, sixth month, one year and two year mark on the job. What would you like to accomplish? What are your goals?
Take in mind I have known about the existence of this company for about 10 days. Map out the next two years? Seriously? I barely got any sleep this week preparing for this interview. It was yesterday. It was at 2:30 pm and it was intense. For an hour and a half I felt like I was on the grill. I think I have the grill marks to prove it! A friend of mine told me at least I made it an hour and half and didn’t get kicked out part way through.
I guess there is that. But it is so tough to get a read on how you did. I think I can read people pretty well, but interviewers are a different breed of people.
I won’t know until Tuesday. That is if I made it to the third interview. Which is a Skype session with the CEO in another city. What in the world am I going to have to prepare for that? I can’t even imagine. But I might not make it that far. This might be it. I might have to start at the beginning with another company in another set of interviews.
I have been very balanced lately. Which is remarkable given the turmoil I have been going through personally and now professionally. I haven’t slept well at all. I have been tossing and turning thinking of a zillion things. I’m hoping tonight I will have a better sleep.
I haven’t augmented any of my medications since the split of my marriage. I am impressed with that. I am towing the line and things are steady. I actually have the confidence and self esteem to pull myself together and get into that office yesterday to show them what I could do. As gruelling as it was it was a triumph as well.
Sure I was nervous. But I think that is a good sign. That means you really care about something. I hope people read it that way.
This job. This one I had the second interview for yesterday is a good job. It is a government job. Yes, a coveted government job. There are benefits and a pension plan. It would make such a huge difference in my professional life to have this job. It is more than a job. It is a career.
I was pushed off the career train several years ago with my illness. It has done a bang up job of derailing any plans I had about having a career. And I was on the fast track. I was going somewhere. Oh, I went somewhere. Right into the toilet. Spiralled all the way down to the bottom of the pit of hell. If you have been there, you know exactly what I am talking about.
That deep dark ominous depression. The kind that suffocates you. Keeps you in the dark. A sense of hopelessness like no other.
Or else I was pinging off the top of the ceiling. That was always fun. Man, I got some shit done in a manic phase. Until the arc of the mania goes just a bit too far and you lose it. Or the people around you tell you you are losing it. And inevitably you crash.
And like any good devastating crash, it leaves a mark. It haunts you. It eats you up inside. You know you are unbalanced. Crazy. There are no positive connotations to the word “crazy”.
But against all the odds I am holding level ground. I do have moments of sadness, grief, and loneliness. But there are moments of light. When I feel ok. I feel strong. I feel competent. I feel like I am getting ready for something or someone.
It is a funny feeling to describe. I was giveng two fortune cookies with my Chinese food the other night. Out of the two cookies I got 5 fortunes. I know the little pieces of paper stick together, but I felt it was a really good sign. Some nice things might be coming my way. I can hope and project that out into the world.
I will let you know how I do on the job front. I feel for everyone who is unemployed, or under employed and is looking for something better. It is fraught with competition.
But final thoughts for tonight are to keep yourself safe. Take good care of your needs. Feed your body nourishing morsels. Take your meds. Try to get a good nights sleep. You will need to do all this so you can fight the good fight tomorrow.