37 thoughts on “My Teenager Totally Hates Me!

  • September 15, 2011 at 12:40 pm

    How can you write this about your son’s father when you said in the past that your son reads your posts? Do you realize the harm that does for a child to hear one parent bash the other one? Children don’t need their parents’ drama.What impact do you suppose it has on him to read that his mom say his father doesn’t care about him?

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  • September 15, 2011 at 6:47 pm

    Well, I could have certainly added a few colorful words and said a lot more of my own “opinions” of my sons father. However, I was not “bashing” him by any means at all. I simply stated a complete and honest fact of words spoken from his fathers mouth, he doesnt care and never has.

    Also, there is zero drama between his father and I, we have always maintained a decent relationship and have never even so much as fought about anything at all.

    As far as any impact on him reading that his father doesnt care, that is the biggest culprit of all of this. He knows his father has never cared (and not because of anything I’ve ever said about him either – I’ve been silent over the years about his father) because his father doesnt return his phone calls, messages, or even shows up to functions my son may attend with other members of the family.

    I have never denied him a relationship with his father and tried for years to force his father to be in his life with no result. His father has never cared, its a fact and not an opinion. Nothing wrong with stating clear and actual facts.

    All in all, I am not bashing, and my son has a clear understanding. He’s not a child – he is almost 15 – and is perfectly capable of forming his own opinions, he doesnt need my help.

    Clear up any confusion?

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  • September 16, 2011 at 1:52 pm

    Here’s the deal–your teenagers will hate you. It seems to be inevitable. But when the punishment period ends, you give things back (no grounding lasts forever). You’re consistent. You don’t let his torture work (cry in private, in other words). My most difficult of all teens who was *never* going to college and had to make up 6 courses in his senior year because he’d flunked them earlier–he found a passion, shaped up, and even though we can still get into arguments, basically he knows that I am there for him in ways that his dad will never be. In other words, they grow up.

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  • September 16, 2011 at 7:38 pm

    Beth, I don’t think there are any too many therapists who would sanction what you’re doing. You ARE bashing his father when you say his father doesn’t care about him, and those things are painful enough for a child or teen to deal with without mom reminding them of this. How would you feel if your mother posted all over the internet for everyone to read that your father doesn’t care about you? I would be furious with you, too. Teens need privacy, and you’re not affording him any.

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    • September 19, 2011 at 6:05 pm

      Sad,
      Everyone is entitled to their opinions. You are allowed yours (as you strongly state them) and I am certainly allowed mine as well. My son has plenty of privacy – no one knows his name, or his fathers name, or anything else. So yes he has privacy. Also, my son does not actively read my blog – he does not even know the web address. He read *one* blog post I had written because I had been talking about it to my husband.

      I do not remind him of anything, if nothing else he reminds ME of how miserably I have managed to fail at forcing his father to care. I am perfectly entitled to share things about my life on a blog that is specifically for that purpose. Another thing, he is already furious with me about everything in his life which is all my fault so, do you think I really care if he gets any more furious with me? I am not here to please him I am here to *raise* him.

      I am not sure how I would feel if my mother posted something all over the internet, my mother isn’t much of a mother so I cannot answer that question. Part of my son growing up is learning to accept life as it is and he will never be able to do that if I sugar coat the *sshole his father really is. I do not sugar coat anything nor do I tell the truth, I am silent on the subject of his father and I have been since he was born. I have no outlet other than my blog and I will continue to write about anything and everything I choose to write about regardless of anyones feelings.

      I am not living my life dancing around how everyone else may feel about something I may say. So sorry if you feel that an absent father who has never even been around enough to be called “dad” or even so much as helped in any area of his life at all deserves anything at all remotely close to my respect or my sons. For years I was struggling to raise this kid while his father was out drinking and partying and enjoying his freedoms. I decided to take a completely different path and struggled to raise a good kid, his “father” does not DESERVE to have my son at this point in his life and be the “hero” right now when my son hits his teenage “I hate my life, I hate my parents” mentality. Thats my opinion, everyone has one you know.

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      • August 15, 2012 at 2:50 pm

        I totally agree with you Beth. Nothing that you said is wrong. Keep blogging and voicing your opinion.

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      • November 20, 2018 at 2:29 am

        I totally relate to your post for many reasons and I’m sad do many judge you for it instead of try to encourage 😪 I thought about posting my agony in all this to find support but that’s not going to happen from what I’ve seen. Why must we scold each other for being real and sharing emotions and raw feelings that we should be helping rather than shaming? Sad😪

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  • September 19, 2011 at 7:16 pm

    I second that post!

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  • September 20, 2011 at 12:19 pm

    Dear Beth: my heart breaks for you and your son. He is clearly in so much pain. I was a mixed up, very angry teenager. I was so furious I couldn’t see some days. I was angry at my parents for good reasons-although I don’t think I ever got across to them why. I tried. But I could barely understand it myself-honestly, I only had glimmers. So my only suggestion to you is to try harder to see it from his perspective. Maybe its too tall an order? Maybe a good therapist will help? But please try. I know its not fair. I know you feel so much pain and you are right-the “father” doesn’t deserve any part of your son. It sucks I feel for you. But your son deserves a father. So let him try. He is so clearly desperate to try. And it is desperation, he would rather think the dad hates you (you are the reason for his absence) rather than see the truth that the dad just doesn’t care all that much. That is a cold, bitter truth. It leaves you so sad and hollow inside. He will see it one day. And then, if you just give him room and try more to understand things through his eyes, he will come back to you. For his sake, I hope his dad changes and loves him back finally. Believe me, even if this happens you don’t need to be bitter. Once your son’s anger subsides he will come back to you. But watch what you say. Try to see through his eyes. Good luck. Lots of love to you.

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  • September 21, 2011 at 7:59 pm

    Beth, I think the part that concerns me is that you weren’t anonymous in the beginning which means your posts can easily be found by your son if they haven’t been already. If you had not used your first and last name in the beginning this wouldn’t be an issue. But, you have to know that even if what you write about the father is 100% true you will dig the knife in deeper if he reads you repeatedly say that his father never cared about him. It’s not about being right, you may very well be right, but those words are wounding and he doesn’t need to read his mother saying that. I pray he never finds your posts but I suspect he will.

    You need to be his soft place to fall. The father is responsible for his actions and the harm he causes as are you. Please don’t add to your child’s pain.

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  • September 22, 2011 at 6:52 am

    Beth: For the past ten years I’ve worked with children and families and have heard your story many times. What becomes clear to me is that its the “well-meaning” parent who chose the errant/absent/non-caring/drug addicted/insensitive – fill in the blank – parent in the first place that’s the problem. You should leave your son alone about his bio father because you are bashing him for all the world to see. I’m sure your son has heard it 1000 times. He doesn’t need to read it. Let him make his own choices because your digging your own grave. As soon as the well-meaning” parent realizes that they need work, our services are no longer needed. You are the one that can’t get over the hurt and needs to. Get some serious therapy, make amends with your son.

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  • September 22, 2011 at 6:56 am

    Oh, and all of that stuff you told SAD. If it were true, you would have stopped talking about his father long ago and he is clearly not the problem.

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  • September 22, 2011 at 10:30 pm

    This is for people like Linda and SAD. Mind your business. This is Beth’s blog and your opinion is welcome however to tell her what to do is stepping beyond your bounds as a reader. I read this blog because it helps me not feel alone with what I am going through. I am a Bipolar single parent and my son’s father is a worthless piece of crap. I raised my son until he was 5 1/2 yrs old on my own, the last 1 1/5 yrs with my family, he is 7 now. I was a single MILITARY mother with undiagnosed Bipolar at the time. I had to hear things from my son’s father like, “you should have gave him up for adoption so you can have the freedom I have”. I had nothing in my house except a couch, a 13″ TV, a table I found at the salvation army, a crib, pots and pans for the kitchen, toys for my son and a bed for myself while my son’s father used to brag about the new piece he bought for his Japanese Cherrywood set. I suggested child support to him one day and guess what he did? He sued me for full custody so I would have to pay him support after he never had anything to do with his son. Now I deal with him constantly suing me and forcing me into financial problems so I will lose my son all because he doesn’t want to pay me. Now, for those of you who suggest therapy, I want you to shove it up your rear because NO type of therapy is going to teach you to cope with these types of horrible people.

    This is Beth’s blog, her outlet, and if he wants to vent about how poorly of a father her son’s real father has been then she has every right to. If you guys want to post how to run people’s lives or how they should raise their kids then get your own blog.

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  • September 23, 2011 at 6:25 am

    Sand and Linda, shutup. It’s her blog she can post whatever she wants. If you don’t like it, go read something else.

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  • September 23, 2011 at 9:59 am

    Maria, that’s not a very mature response. Look at this from the perspective of child or teen who is stuck in the middle. Parents hate each others guts. Mother, who is not anonymous in the beginning, repeatedly says father doesn’t care about the son, doesn’t love him, etc. Picture this teen finding this (and he will) and reading these words on the internet. Picture his friends reading this. It will be difficult and painful enough to deal with the absent father without the other parent rubbing salt into the wounds. Imagine the pain of the person who didn’t ask to be brought into this mess reading this.

    If had always been an anonymous blog, it would be venting and wouldn’t be such a big deal. But, when it’s not anonymous there’s a bigger responsibility to not say things that will harm people being discussed (i.e. family members, neighbors, etc).

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  • September 23, 2011 at 10:47 am

    I can relate although the problem isn’t Dad, thankfully I am in a wonderful marriage with a husband who is a terrific Dad. My son hates me because I am keeping him from his birthmom. She gave him up for adoption and has just recently decided to once again enter his life. She didn’t want him at birth as he was born early and was most likely going to have difficulties. Her children had to be smart. Now that it is clear he dodged the disabiities and is actually very bright she is worming her way back in. She has lied to me and has had the children she kept taken away from her in the past by social services. Right now she would not be a good thing in his life as she is sooooooooooooo manipulative and he is only 13 and very naive. We have had a lot of stress in our lives in the past few years, bankruptcy, losing our house and some very serious health problems (the reason for the above two), the last thing he needs right now is more stress in his life. Yet she promises she will only contact him through us and then just a few hours later is on facebook with him. She is very self centered, it is all about her. In his mind I am the evil one, he has even listed her as his mom on facebook, when she has not even bothered to stay in touch with him for the past 7-8 years. She lost interest when his birth brother was taken from her and placed in a mental health facility with attachment disorders. We were no longer needed to babysit him for days/weeks while she went off with the man currently in her life. Yes, I am hurt, like the father in this post she deserves not one moment of my son’s life. Yet she is his birth mom and he deserves to know her, it is why we wanted an open adoption. I guess my only choice is to try to protect my son as much as possible running defense until he is mature enough to hold his own against her manipulation. She won’t be the only self absorbed person who will try to use him in his life. I hope one day he will be able to look back and understand my actions and hopefully appreciated them and be thankful for them but if not I at least will know I did my best for him. I just hope it is enough. In the end that is all we can do our best, if in a few years our children ‘get it’ we are blessed and lucky if not, and that is always the risk, we only get the satisfaction of knowing we did the best we could.

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  • September 23, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    In retrospect, Beth, I realize I have responded harshly to you, and I owe you an apology. I know your intent is not to hurt your son, and I can certainly see in your posts how much you love him. I suppose when I reacted, I was thinking of how devastating this will be for your son to read all of this and I felt defensive on his behalf. This stuff is just so hard on kids (and on parents, too).

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  • September 23, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    can we say drama? Maybe he wants to get away from it. Let him go and have a break. He will come back eventually as long as you dont do anything unforgivable.

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  • September 24, 2011 at 8:38 am

    @ concerned. Your right. Everyone needs to stop and think of everyone in the situation not just beth. And its clear to me, from many of the readings that beth loves her children but provides a very drama filled home. And no offense to beth but she seems to get stuck on how everything is impacting her vs how its impacting her children.1 Bipolar is hard to deal with. 2 bipolar people under the same roof is chaos.And beth has borderline traits making things even more chaotic.

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    • September 25, 2011 at 8:55 am

      Jen,
      One thing you’re good at is criticism. Im not sure why you enjoy criticism so much but for what it’s worth you’re comments are frequently negative.

      Yes my home is filled with drama – that is why I have this blog. Yes, I do get stuck on how things are impacting me because thats why I am here. It is supposed to be an outlet for me and my feelings and also to give others a look into the world of the bipolar woman. If you notice the title doesnt say adventures of a bipolar mom (and her kids) because it really is about how this bipolar mom handles things, copes with stress, and the impacts it has on me as a wife and mother.

      I could understand your frustration if the blog was titled for me to go into detail about how my children are affected. It doesn’t mean I do not reflect on how things affect my children it means I just dont write about it.

      I am just giving bipolar a voice, thats all. My voice is one of only a few where people are upfront and honest about the good and the bad. If my blog wasnt full of drama and chaos who would read it? You still read it….dont you? Life with a husband and four children will never be without drama or chaos, it is just a simple fact bipolar or not something will always be happening in a womans life with this many kids. However, I wouldnt trade it for anything. If you dont like readng about my drama then quit reading my blog.

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  • September 24, 2011 at 3:33 pm

    Beth, I am stunned at some of the above posts that bash you. It is not your fault he is behaving this way. You obviously care about him a lot and he is being ungrateful, inconsiderate, and unappreciative. If he was hurt by reading your post, that is his fault. He is being irrational. That might have sounded harsh, but other people have been harsh to you. I am a teenager myself, not a mother. But I can completely understand why you feel that way. I’m never having kids…

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  • September 24, 2011 at 3:36 pm

    PS: You were just being honest, you didn’t call his father names or anything. You were just stating fact – and from my viewpoint – being objective. Like you said, your son knows this anyway. And he deserves to know of the hurt he is causing you. I can’t imagine how it would feel, slaving away looking after your son and loving him with all your heart, only to have him disregard it all and treat it as if it were nothing. I feel angry for you.

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  • September 24, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    I came upon this blog totally by accident and rarely respond to anything. Why is it that when folks go public with their stuff they get all offended when someone says something they don’t want to hear and by the way, assume that they are in the unique position of having a label to hang their suffering on. I’ve got a few labels of my own. Been there, done that and am sick of them. I’m a Vietnam Era Vet, a single parent – my son’s father (who I chose) contributed a grand total of maybe $2000 during years 1-20 after which he died addicted, I’ve been homeless, addicted, depressed, suicidal and on and on. This kind of venting and bashing goes no where. Move on. But if you have to, that’s what therapy is for. If it were just Beth and no child was involved I probably wouldn’t have commented at all, I’d say vent on – on a spiritual level though, its still self-destructive – when a child is involved, I say keep your grownup stuff to yourself. You’re just heaping on the hurt. The bottom line is you can’t change anyone but yourself. Period. And trust me, you don’t want to still be yapping about this and your labels twenty years from now.

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  • September 25, 2011 at 4:57 pm

    Beth needs help, and she’s not finding it on this blog. I don’t see how reading rantings about her life is helping anyone. Every time I read it, I want to call social services.

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  • September 30, 2011 at 1:12 am

    well snow I do think the blog does kinda help. Its kind of a diary of sorts except its public. Writing in a diary can be very therapeudic for the writer as well as some of the people who are going through the same thing. However, having it public does open a person up for criticism and really beth should of been prepared for this. Not everyone is going to keep their mouth shut when they clearly see someone is acting inappropriately.

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  • September 30, 2011 at 1:15 am

    plus i took a special ed class once and even in that class the professor said you shouldnt even allow your special needs child to act out in ways that can hurt others just because they are special needs.

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  • September 30, 2011 at 1:28 am

    Beth a true friend will be there for you always and forgive you but they wont sit there and not tell you when your screwing up. Fake people do that. Or people who need your emotional reassurance so are too afraid to tell you the truth. Or are too afraid to confront their own demons so dont bother pointing out yours. I know my flaws and I have alot. And I have had people let me know about them. And I have had others make excuses for me.

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  • October 21, 2011 at 2:02 am

    You punish your child for fighting..why?
    Do you think this will stop him from fighting? really?
    or do you just want to punish him and make him more miserable than he already is?
    He is your son, and you love him, so try to get to know him and understand why he feels so bad, that’s all.
    Give up the well intentioned but misguided need to control and punish him.

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    • October 21, 2011 at 3:22 pm

      Sharon,
      I dont know a single parent (nor have I met one) that wouldnt take their childs phone and video games, grounding them for 2 weeks for getting into a fight at school. He needs to learn better self control. Any other response (in my opinion) is showing them that this behavior is acceptable, and that there arent consequences to their actions. The wrong approach in my house.

      “or do you just want to punish him and make him more miserable than he already is?” – Seriously? Yeah, I just love to punish and hurt my children. It’s how I get my jollies!

      I do know him, and I know why he felt so bad and in communicating with him I figured out why. It had nothing at all to do with me but everything to do with his bio dad who abandoned him before birth. When it came out, he decided to move with his father and try to find a way to have a relationship with him. That was the solution and I fully supported his decision. If I was this horrible “monster mom” several people paint me to be, I would have “controlled” him (as you put it) and kept him here in my house to continue to control, punish, and torture him for fun. I let him move to his fathers which he is learning wasnt the best decision. He has to stay because it is about him accepting responsibility for his decisions.

      If I had a well intioned but misguided need to control and punish my child, that would put me out there as being a control freak. I am not a control freak.I am not going to have an out of control, mouthy, aggressive, spoiled brat for a kid. None of my kids will behave that way. When they do (any of them) they will be punished! Not to control them, but to show them that there are always consequences for every decision that is made. If they make the choice to fight, they have made the choice to accept the consequences of their actions. Its about holding them accountable and teaching them proper accountability for their decisions as well as their actions.

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