21 thoughts on “I Had My Hearing For Social Security Disability – I Was A Wreck!

  • May 3, 2012 at 8:52 am

    Oh, I am so, so glad that you were granted disability. I went through the process myself in 2001 and it was near to impossible.

    I have a question for you though. As I was reading and heard the question “How do you manage as a Mom?” I started nodding my head. I’m a mom too. And I’m not sure how to describe how I manage that. I think the best, and entirely unsatisfying explanation is, “I just do it and try not to do it badly.” I mean, it’s amazing what a mother’s love can encourage in a bipolar mom — but it is also scary and hard to realize all the ways we (I) fall short.

    What was your answer to that question?

    Letting out a big sigh of relief for you today.


    • May 3, 2012 at 3:51 pm


      Thank you for the support. The answer to that question didn’t come easy. In fact, I didn’t even have one. I explained that I have good days and bad days, and it varies. On bad days, I try to hide from them as much as possible so that I don’t have to expose them to my ill mood or tantrums. On good days, I feel like “super-mom” and that I can (and often will) do anything and everything. When I cant take care of them, there is usually someone around to give me a hand. My 15 year old helps me so much. He should not have to, but he does (and he doesn’t mind) and he knows how much it helps me keep it together. I don’t know what I would do without him here. Well, I do because he moved to his dads for a while. Either way, I know how very wrong it is to lean on him but he encourages me to turn to him for “light” support if I need it, so sometimes if it is really, really bad I will.

      Asking any mother who is a halfway decent mom how she manages, it will probably trigger an emotional response. We all strive to be that “great mom” who is all put together and well rounded. Unfortunately, that is so totally not possible for me (and other moms who are not mentally ill as well) and knowing my own shortcomings and struggles makes it that much harder to describe how I “manage as a mom”. If that makes any sense? I hope so.

      Regardless, trying to express or talk about being a mom to four beautiful and amazing children while also struggling to get better and find peace, is the hardest thing for me to talk about šŸ™‚

      Your statement “I just do it and try not to do it badly” is very, very honest and true for me also. The more honest we can be about our shortcomings and mistakes, the more likely we can learn valuable lessons and keep trying our best not to screw up our little people. We only get one chance to raise our kids right? We had better make it count.

  • May 3, 2012 at 4:19 pm

    Beth — I was holding my breath was reading this! You’re such a good writer…it felt like I was right there alongside you in the courtroom. šŸ™‚

    Lots of internet hugs to you, and congratulations! Knowing that it’s all over will probably take SO much off your plate, right?

  • May 3, 2012 at 11:22 pm

    i am happy for you, I am a disabled person, I have been fighting it for 4 yrs now, and I received my letter and it was a denial, I have been denied 4 times, this time it was by the judge, I don’t know what I am going to do, I am so lost.

  • May 5, 2012 at 3:52 am

    It is wonderful to hear about the good judges. I glad you you finely got SSDI. I had one like him when I recieved my divorce from an abusive man. He had read everything and without my ever knowing about it(until the day of court)he had ordered my then (we were separated for the safety of my daughter and myself), husband to undergo a psychiatratric exam. He suported me fully which surprised me because he looked like the good old boy who would side with the guy. It’s nice to hear about more decent judges. I’m so glad for you, that first check will be a real blessing.

  • May 5, 2012 at 6:09 pm

    Congratulations. However, I am stunned that even in the face of a great, dramatic victory, you have to point out yet again how you feel about your attorney. Perhaps, because you won, he did something right…? The lack of generosity in your spirit is…telling.

    • May 5, 2012 at 6:45 pm

      The lack of generosity is “telling”? Okay, let it be telling of the fact that I did everything in my case on my own, and only got an attorney at the last minute because I had to. I had an attorney represent me 6 weeks prior to my hearing. He did nothing, and blatantly refused to assist me and represent me properly and address concerns I had (valid concerns). That man cost my family over $400/month in benefits, and over $17,000 in backpay that I should have gotten. Money I desperately need to catch up on medical bills. Tell me that wouldn’t make you feel slightly discontent?.

      Yes, I am bitter. No, I do not like my attorney. He made $6000 to sit in a room with me and ask me 5 questions. He was not prepared with my work history or medical records, he was not fully aware of the many details of my case. He did NOT do his job to represent me to the best of his ability.

      Perhaps he did nothing right, and my case (on its own) and my conditions are truly disabling? As I was falling apart, my attorney sat there quiet as a mouse, looking down at the table. I had to ask for my a moment on my own to gather myself. Thats stellar representation, huh?

      His representation of me is a direct influence on my “telling” behavior. He does not deserve a small amount of generosity. He was a jerk, period.

      • May 5, 2012 at 8:28 pm

        I agree he should not get a % of your check but paid only for the amount of time he put into it, which seem to be nill.

      • May 13, 2013 at 1:55 am

        Apparently many of these lawyers are getting away with dumping cases.

        It’s time for a class action suit against these horrid people.

      • October 13, 2016 at 10:09 pm

        I’m glad you got it, I’m 44, I went to one hearing 3 yrs ago, my attorney,didn’t have any evidence,I lost, I have another lawer, she’s worthless also,I’m disabled cant work, so probably loose again.Its made me suicidal,so I dont know how I’m going to deal with this next decision.

      • October 15, 2016 at 8:42 pm

        Going looose!!!!!! Its all rigged.

  • May 6, 2012 at 5:51 am

    Congratulations Beth, it is great that you have finally succeeded. It is a shame, though, that it took so long and caused you so much stress.
    It is good that you continue to manage your bipolar disorder so well.

  • May 7, 2012 at 3:10 pm

    For Anne, above…if you engage an attorney on a contingency basis, you do not pay the attorney by the hour as he performs the work, but by a percentage of any award/settlement/etc. after the fact. If Beth had agreed to pay her attorney on an hourly basis, then she would only pay him for the actual time spent. Since it appears Beth signed a contingency agreement, she is obligated to pay him per the terms if that agreement.

    Beth, you are clearly not a shrinking violet…as soon as you became disenchanted with your attorney, why didn’t you get another one? Who told you that you HAD to get a lawyer? Are you filing a grievance with your local bar association now, as according to you, he did not represent you properly? Taking him to court to fight paying him the fees that you say he didn’t earn? Or are you just playing the victim on a blog?

    • May 7, 2012 at 5:31 pm


      Well, actually, I do not have the emotional strength to fight my attorney. I choose to let things go that I have no control of to save myself and my family from a whirlwind of chaos. Considering this is my blog and it is my outlet, I can and most certainly do write about my feelings regarding events and problems in my life hence the title “adventures of a bipolar mom”.

      Who told me I HAD to get a lawyer? While, none of your business, my long term disability insurance company required me to retain an attorney when I was denied my appeal as a condition of my continuation of benefits. Also, my husband is the one filing complaints with the bar association as well as the partners in the firm where he is employed.

      I do not “play the victim on a blog” I genuinely have the troubles I state so clearly, and I write to let them out. You dont have to agree with the way I feel or like what I have to say, but that will not stop me from openly writing about events in my life. Your badgering is certainly not helpful nor supportive. You like to project an enormous amount of negativity when commenting on my posts, I must say I do not like hypocrites myself. How about you?

  • May 13, 2013 at 1:53 am

    After a lawyer held my case for a year and didn’t ask ME a single question, he quit.

    I stood alone before the judge and he told me I had a right to a laywer, but now he won’t change the date of the hearing so I can HAVE a lawyer present.

    If this has happened to more than one person, it’s happening to many.

    I pray my outcome is the same as yours someday.

    I am glad you were given a judge with common sense and a heart.

  • October 20, 2013 at 1:27 pm

    Dont listen to the negative people, theyre always pissed. Beth i am really appreciative that you wro

  • July 11, 2014 at 10:20 am

    When the attorney goes to court with you on the day of your hearing at that point they have done a lot for you. They have pulled records labeled them as a1, b2, etc. They put the file in such an order that the strong points in your case are pointed out for the judge to see. God has blessed you and your family. Why be so negative about it? The attorneys know when not to interrupt. He saw how emotional your were and he wanted the judge to see how it is for you when it comes to coping with your fears. I think that your attorney did an excellent job. Things were going so well in my case that my attorney didn’t have to crossexamine the ‘ve, why because she had already said that there were no jobs that I could do. So what I’m trying to say is to be grateful. If you had done it on your on you wouldn’t have gotten denied two times before that. It wasn’t until you got the attorney then we’re awarded benefits.

  • July 8, 2016 at 1:58 pm

    I have bipolar disorder two aniexy lerning disorder etc i been fighting for ssi for five years now i got a lawywer and finally i have a hearing on tuesday why is it.hard to.get.ssi when you.have a mental.illness

  • October 11, 2016 at 8:45 pm

    Hi i have a disability hearing this Thursday and I am super nervous,.I’m representing myself..any advice

  • August 27, 2018 at 11:06 pm

    Beth have you ever been hospitalized for this? My hearing is coming up

  • November 20, 2018 at 6:00 am

    Iā€™m so afraid I will cry uncontrollably at my hearing! Heck Iā€™m crying just reading this.


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