48 thoughts on “The Bipolar Wife: Infidelity – A Painful Consequence of Mania

  • December 16, 2015 at 10:11 pm

    Reading these comments leave me with mixed emotions. Bipolar is a reason not an excuse I know. I’ve done terrible things manic. Guilt and shame kept me from confessing until finally I did. I had several affairs before being diagnosed and 2 after. Yes I know I am a terrible person for doing those things but I am a good person the rest of the time. The acts of cheating are bad but it was the lying which made me suicidal. I’ve attempted multiple times and have been hospitalized once. I don’t know why I cheated. I wasn’t thinking about it or any consequences. I’ve beat myself up more for it than my spouse. I am amazed of the love and compassion I received. If I had been thinking clearly I would have NEVER cheated. My affairs would end in deep depression. This last time I promised not to lie or hurt myself. I am still worried it may happen again. Thank you for writing this blog

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  • February 11, 2016 at 4:08 pm

    Reading this makes me feel somewhat better, my husband of 17 years, left about 8 weeks ago for some homewrecker that he knew years back. He started on facebook in november and went wild. He is bipolar, manic, recovering alcoholi/drug user. He had changed his ways but he really fooled me and a lot of other people. We have kids that he dosn’t come see and is all about her at the moment. He is truly out of order, bashes me and sends me nasty text messages, HE WALKED OUT NOT ME. I’m done with the lies, over spending, no regards for other people. He knows the tools it’s time to get some more help/different help and better medication. Some people jumped ship with him and believe his lies, this will all pass and they will figure out the truth along wtih this women who is also married. GOD needs to come in and do his will. I’m done getting divorced, i pray for people with bipolar. If you have bipolar and want help then you can get it but the ones that know they need help and choose to live manic, i don’t resppect.

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  • February 22, 2016 at 4:19 pm

    I enjoyed reading your blog. I’m not your typical blogger or follower for that matter, but after a recent bout of bipolar mania that found me cheating (multiple times over several months) after more than nine years of a faithful marriage, I Desparate to hear another woman’s story. From what I have gathered, sufferers of bipolar may cheat during their lows but the men and women seem to display differently. Men are using things such as chat sites, messaging, setting up false identities on dating sites. Women seem to want to meet with someone, have personal contact, have a physical relationship. Since thie latter was the case with me, I found some comfort in your words of hope as you overcame possibly the most painful event in your life. One question I would love to know is how is it you came to tell your husband? Why do you think his reaction was lesser than you expected and what things have you both done in your attempt to heal and remain as a couple?
    Would love to hear from you and you sound like a fine woman who is married to a fine man. I would like to think I have a similar life.

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  • November 13, 2016 at 5:20 pm

    Thank you for sharing this. My wife and I have been married for 7 years. After all the reading and researches I’ve done, I have concluded that my wife is bipolar. she is currently in a manic episode and I can’t figure out how to get her out of it. I’ve tried everything but I don’t want to give up. How do I get my wife to see a doctor?

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  • January 2, 2017 at 2:22 pm

    Ok so ive been with my fiance for 12 years we have 4 children, he was just diagnosed with bipolar in april of 2016. He began having erratic behavior, being hateful without cause. He left on vacation with his friend and his friends wife, he repeatedly lied to me and about me for a better part of the year while sleeping with her i questioned him about their relationship and he denied it for a long time until i found the pictures he couldnt deny, he claims that he can remember bits qnd peices of what happened but can put no order to it, he says he doesnt know or understand why he did what he did, that he is sorry and he never meant anything that happened between them. He was undiagnosed and unmedicated and he is an alcoholic. Ive done a lot of research on bipolar and im still having trouble excepting the affair it was his buddies wife!! It was 2 months after our son was born! I am so broken and confused. He is taking steps to try to prove he is sorry and that he loves and wants his family. This is all a struggle. He has quit drinking and he was a HEAVY drinker for years and years,he is also regularly going to a dr to try to find the right combo of meds for his illness, he is trying. As am i. Its hard to handle this sort of betrayal and have faith it wont happen again. I thank you for writting your experience it helps to know that its not just an excuse. That there is an explanation.

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  • March 3, 2017 at 3:55 pm

    Bipolar sounds fun: you can do lots of drugs and cheat on your partner while blaming it on a disease.

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    • March 15, 2017 at 12:18 pm

      I know right? My wife is Bi Polar just recently diagnosed but I have known for years. Just recently found out she had been cheating. And its all “we have to leave the past in the past” etc. from both her and her psychologist. Sorry but if you want a relationship and real partner then you have to take responsibility. The cheating is who you are. It could of been addiction, it could of been spending, or general recklessness but it was not. If a someone kills somebody, they are a murderer for life. If someone is a drug addict, that is part of who they are. A cheater is a cheater. Can they move on and be a different person, absolutely. But if you hurt the ones you loved most by your actions, then own it. You will never learn anything from it if you dont, there is no justification for these actions.

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  • March 29, 2017 at 6:48 pm

    My husband of 18 years has been ill for over two years and FINALLY started treatment. Just before the diagnosis, he cheated. I simply can’t get over it and don’t think I ever will. I cannot accept this on top of all the lying and debts!

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  • April 2, 2017 at 2:42 pm

    I was married to my wife for 6 1/2 years…we were together for almost 12 years total. I had suspected that she may be bi-polar…but never witnessed a manic episode. She also had been suffering from Lupus. Her Dr. prescribed her Cymbalta which, I now know, caused her to have a manic/hypomanic episode which lasted for a year. She ended up cheating on me twice before I found out…she constantly lied about what was going on and had no remorse for her actions. Even now she claims she has no memory of certain things she said or did!

    Thankfully she is finally off this med and seems to be coming back to her “old self”. But there has been too much damage for me to deal with. I have already divorced her and split assets, but she is constantly in contact with me and is now remorseful for what he has done and wants to reconcile. I still love her, but cannot go through this again. I want her to get help for this, she is accepting at times…but most often feels she is fine now…which she is not. I agree to a point that the manic person cannot be totally blamed for their actions….but if they are aware of what caused this behavior and refuse to acknowledge it … then they have to accept total responsibility!!

    I am full of anger and sorrow for what happened, not sure if I really want to try…but must admit… I miss my best friend…and that is what she was to me…I never NOT trusted her….it was such a shock when this all happened…I was like a deer in the headlights, until I researched what was going on and a light clicked on….I was reading other peoples stories and it was exactly what I was going through….she had every sign and symptom….what a waste of a great marriage and friendship. Now her relationship with her kids is damaged as well…I actually pity her!

    If anyone you love is taking any type of SSRI….Please monitor their behavior….it may help to save our marriage, friendship relationship with a child or parent….before it may be too late!!!!

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  • September 9, 2017 at 6:04 pm

    I write this with a heavy heart…my wife who is BP has cheated and lied to me for YEARS. She had a hardship growing up as a child – young girl who shouldn’t have been abused in the manners that she did…didn’t have a father who did anything, and flash forward meeting her when she was 18 to my 22. Fell in love with her soul…years forward, she has a total meltdown…diagnosed with BP after I found out she cheated on me with a man and possibly got pregnant as well. She had it aborted without my knowledge until I knew and I still took care of her. Now the marriage was on thin ice terms caused by me. I learned however we still got divorced after she went into treatment and then fell for a younger guy who attended as well at the outcare facililty and brought him around to my house…still married was cheating but we were separated. I moved out then she would get jealous of me since I was trying to regroup myself…rage fits and outright made me feel like a victim. 1 yr gap after the divorce and we were still talking – being intiment as well. we do have 2 kids from our marriage. we worked out our differences and then BAM…I move in remarry and had a good time. She is my best friend and now I am very educated on the BP life however can never say that relate. She does take her meds and that is where it stops…she doesn’t talk to her therapist about her true self…she does have daily thought of killing herself but choses not bc of the kids. I stay and take care of her emotionally, financially, and over being a better husband, just to find out she cheated with more guys in the 2nd round. WTF? I am destroyed and conflicted bc she doesn’t talk to me – like really talk. confronting is avoidance in her world.

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    • September 18, 2018 at 3:54 am

      What a tough spot you are in right now. How is your wife doing now? Does she still have suicidal thoughts? It’s really hard on your part always the one forgiving the infidelity. The decision is really up to you.

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