48 thoughts on “The Bipolar Wife: Infidelity – A Painful Consequence of Mania

  • February 23, 2011 at 9:35 am

    Forgive yourself? How is that possible when you seem to accept no responsibility for your actions in the first place. Who the heck knows who to blame, all you know is that it sucks? I too am bipolar and I too had an affair. I am all for self forgiveness- self hatred is a downward spiral and nothing but destructive. But it took me much longer than a few months to begin to pick up the pieces and begin to heal myself and my marriage. Your lack of personal responsibility is potentially dangerous to the bipolar community and this blog represents absolutely no knowledge I have gained through years of therapy. You sound like an adolescent and I just hope your children aren’t affected by your lack of maturity.

    Reply
    • February 23, 2011 at 9:55 am

      First, I would like to say that I did take responsibility for my actions, and I told my husband and we moved forward to heal from my destructive behavior. My infidelity was more than 3 years before my diagnoses, and I was taking a moment to talk about things that happened as a result of not being properly diagnosed. I was simply sharing my struggle with the guilt and blame. It’s not about whether or not I accepted responsibility, it is actually about personal feelings. The purpose for my posts are to share my life, my experiences, and my journey through marriage and motherhood while surviving bipolar.

      I am speaking from my own experience, how important an accurate diagnoses is, and how not having the proper diagnoses can lead to destructive thoughts and behaviors. It is about looking back on it and after spending 2 years full of guilt and anguish over what I’d done gaining personal insight on the cause, not the action itself.

      I am terribly sorry if my post has offended you, or anyone else.

      Reply
    • May 31, 2013 at 3:08 pm

      Amen. Ive been on the recieving end of this and lack of personal accountability and honesty with ones self seems to be a common factor.

      Reply
  • February 23, 2011 at 11:57 am

    This sounds very painful. You say that you weren’t diagnosed at the time or on medication, so the person who wrote that you didn’t take responsibility doesn’t understand that when someone has a mental illness their behavior isn’t completely under their control. Once the diagnosis is made and medications are taken, then the person has a responsibility to stay on medications and stay in treatment.

    The topic of infidelity due to bipolar disorder is one that I include in my book Sex, Love, and Mental Illness: A Couple’s Guide to Staying Connected, pub. in January 2011. I also talk about other sexual effects of mental illness. I hope blog readers will look for this book in their public library or online.

    Reply
    • February 23, 2011 at 12:04 pm

      Thank you, I couldn’t have said it better myself. I guess I just didn’t know really how to explain the feelings I had about feeling out of control of my decisions and then fighting with guilt. It is almost as if I didn’t know how to take responsibility when I couldn’t even explain why I did it in the first place!

      I am in treatment, and sometimes that means hashing up old things that I’ve done in the past and coming to terms with it. This was my way of expressing the inability to understand my actions, as I am sure so many women (and men) out there are trying to do themselves.

      I will be looking for your book!

      Reply
  • February 23, 2011 at 2:02 pm

    It takes a brave woman to admit to infidelity, whatever the reason. My experience is that women are judged much more harshly than men when they publicly admit it. I admire you, Beth, for writing this.

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    • February 23, 2011 at 4:30 pm

      Thank you for the support, it is greatly appreciated considering I hang my head low in shame a lot over it! I still haven’t quite forgiven myself for it, and maybe this is the first step for me, talking about it!

      Reply
  • February 23, 2011 at 6:38 pm

    You are very brave to admit this. When it happened, there was a lot of unawareness on your part as well as on the part of your husband and family that you were suffering from bipolar. I, too, am bipolar. I have not gone to that point of being unfaithful the way you did…but I can understand how mania can be.It made me flirty that mania. When me and my husband learned of my diagnosis…it was healing for me and my family. I think, it holds true for both of us…bipolar, though debilitating, can also be a saving grace and can have healing wonders to relationships. Best to you and your family..;-)

    Reply
  • February 24, 2011 at 2:12 pm

    Beth- I’m sorry for my insensitive comments yesterday. I was unfairly harsh and I should be more understanding, especially since I have struggled with the same disorder for so long.

    When I cheated on my husband I had already been diagnosed and was in the beginning of the trial and error phase of finding an effective medication. My comments reflected my personal issues, not yours – I could take a lesson from you in the self forgiveness and healing department.

    I really do admire your courage and strength for putting yourself out there – it can’t be easy. I look forward to reading your blog and learning more from your experiences.

    Reply
    • February 24, 2011 at 4:03 pm

      Thank you. I am here telling my experiences, some more painful than others, because women like you need to give yourself a break from time to time. It is critical in moving forward and healing. No one is perfect, I am certainly not, so my main goal is to allow every woman the opportunity to say “okay, I screwed up, so what, at least Im not alone!”

      Forgiving yourself for poor choices is perfectly okay, and it will be a major step to feeling better about yourself and deciding that you will be a survivor. You cannot change the past so dwelling on it and feeling guilty does no good to anyone, certainly not yourself. All you can really do is learn from your mistakes and allow them to make you a better woman, and a better wife. Picking up the pieces is never easy, but you have to start somewhere, and the beginning is usually when it hurts the most.

      Best of luck to you, I’ll still be here and I’ll still write. If I have to be someones emotional punching bag because something I write hits a nerve, thats okay, I can handle it. Its sorta what I signed up for when I decided to write about extremely sensitive subjects with a candid attitude. Feel free to express any thoughts or feelings you have any time, even if they arent the most pleasant, it’s part of why I’m here. I will always give my readers a voice too.

      Reply
  • February 25, 2011 at 5:36 pm

    Once,

    If this is so it would be statistically signifigant. Most bipolar women are hypersexual when manic and have many one night stands mixed in with phone and internet sex as well as long standing affairs. The appearance of a single data point says that you have the moral flexability for infidelity and deciept and as these manic episodes are cyclic in nature I am curious if you have admitted to the least of your behaviour and are still hiding the rest of the iceberg. I takes low self esteam as well as poor boundaries to cheat, however if you add a manic episode than all the stops are out and it becomes very likly this was not as you say a one time thing.

    Reply
    • February 26, 2011 at 5:35 pm

      Frank, well well well. You a fine example of the reason I talk about such personal and delicate subjects and events in my life. I am shocked that it has taken this long for someone to put me in a “category”, jump to judge me, and assume that the “stigma” would apply to me as well.

      I am hiding nothing, keeping secrets only breeds hostility, personal shame, emotional instability, and eventually divorce. I keep no secrets. Besides, I am on here to shatter the stigma, a dangerous social train that you decided to hitch a ride on. As I stated, I am a woman, I am not perfect, I am beautifully imperfect in everyway.

      Reply
  • March 9, 2011 at 1:34 am

    Hi Beth
    My husband was diagnosed in 2008 with bi-polar. He never took his medication as indicated nor did he continue going back to the specialist for his monthly reviews. Finally after been fired from two jobs within 6 months he agreed to seek help. In the last 6 weeks of been on a new antidepressant and a new mood stabilizer he’s become a recluse, shutting out me and the kids. He’s become violent, aggressive, irritable, over opinionated about himself, spending lots of money on things he can’t justify, one a sports car, getting hooked onto cyber pornography and registering for an on-line discreet dating service for married people. I am at my witts end and just don’t know where to from here. Please can you shed some light?

    Reply
  • March 9, 2011 at 6:56 pm

    Hi Claire,

    I’m sorry you are struggling and thanks for sharing. If your husband is not doing well and has become “violent and aggressive” I would suggest – safety first.

    Make sure that you and your children are safe. It sounds like you are at your wits end and feeling lost. If you have a doctor, counselor, friend, or any other person who can help you get the help you need to be safe, this is where I would start. Please reach out to them and stay connected.

    You cannot make your husband follow his treatment plan, it’s not in your control. But you can take care of yourself and your kids, that is in your control. Once you are safe and getting support, then you can attempt to get him the help he needs. But you and your kids need to be safe first. That’s what my wife did.

    I hope this helps a bit…
    From a Dad & Husband (that happens to have bipolar disorder)

    Reply
  • March 9, 2011 at 7:05 pm

    Beth,

    Thanks for sharing your experiences and life stories with us. It takes courage and is appreciated. As for the folks who feel the need to criticize and moralize… what they miss is we all have baggage and need help at one time or another. That’s the plain fact. Keep up the great work.

    From a Dad & Husband (that happens to have bipolar disorder)

    Reply
    • March 10, 2011 at 8:28 am

      Thank you for the support, it is greatly appreciated!

      Reply
  • April 2, 2011 at 7:26 pm

    My husband is bipolar diagnosed although was undermedicated (pharmacy put wrong dosage on label). He became manic and got involved with another woman. He has now filed for divorce. I believe it because he can’t deal with the guilt of what he has done and it makes it easier to move on. After 20 yrs I am still not ready to give up. On top of this the other woman is only in it for a green card. Education and understanding is the most important thing a supporter can do, unfortunately nobody tells you this and nobody hands you a book. I have only learned through my own, googling the subject of bi polar and buying many different books.

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    • April 2, 2011 at 7:29 pm

      I am very sorry to hear of the things that you are going through. It is very very hard to deal with someone who has gone manic, mainly because getting them back to “normal” is not something that is even within reach. Basically, I dont think it is even possible to reason with someone who is in the midst of a manic episode.

      Hang in there, maybe when he comes back around things will change. If not, you can always support him. After all, 20 years is a long time to love someone!

      best of luck.

      Reply
  • April 3, 2011 at 1:35 am

    I’m brand new to this… My wife had been involved in an internet affair (I hope it is clear to all that emotional infidelity is similarly horribly destructive) for 10 months. I have fought tooth and nail for the last 8 months with therapists and doctors, and only last Tuesday – after she took an OD of pain pills – did we get her to a psychiatrist who almost immediately diagnosed Bipolar 2. What a revelation! Do any of you have a message of hope? I’ve been trying everything to fight this, but this is the first time I feel that professionals have stepped up and given me a chance. With two children, this has been a trial. She comes home from the hospital next week. What should I do to get ready?
    Bob

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    • April 3, 2011 at 8:24 am

      Well, I wrote a blog post titled “The Bipolar Wife – Finding Happiness” did you read that one? Bipolar is extremely hard to understand, and even harder to learn how to deal with. Here is my best advice for you which is advice only, I am not a doctor!

      Support, support support! Thats the number one thing! Different medications will have a variety of side effects which may not be good, so always support her. Mood swings are not always her own. While you dont have to “put up with it” just keep in mind, she has a very long road ahead to find stability. I am hoping the medication they start her on will help and she wont have the struggles most of us have in trial and error with medication.

      Get help for yourself to have a much better understanding of the illness. The more you understand the better you will help her. It will also help if you have a therapist you can talk to about the troubles you are facing, they can give you excellent guidance on the different things that happen.

      How old are your kids? Talk to them at whatever level they can understand. Even if its “mommy isnt feeling well so she’s a little grumpy, she’s not mad at you, but we all have to help her”.

      Make sure communication is open, regardless of the things that have happened. Encourage her to talk to you about her moods and feelings, that way you can be aware of how you can help her. If she’s really sad you can maybe do a little more around the house and give her rest (as an example). You have a very long road ahead of you and with determination and love you can conquer this with her. My husband has gotten very very good at making sure he can keep up with my ever changing medicines and moods, and has a very good understanding of everything. I think once you really know the illness and you are armed with the proper support and information yourself, you will do just fine!

      Good Luck!

      Reply
  • April 3, 2011 at 4:01 pm

    Thanks for words of encouragement, it’s is helpful to know that I am not the only one that is going through this or has gone through this. As for Doc Bob be patient and understanding. It is not easy but if you do truly love your wife than it’s worth it. Educate yourself so that you understand what is going on. Also get your wife to sign medical waiver so that you may speak with her doctors, this is very important. Good luck!

    Reply
  • April 4, 2011 at 1:24 am

    Thank you for the input you have provided. I am always very diligent in making sure I understand things, and I want to be sure that I do things as correctly as possible. the medical waiver makes a lot of sense. In fact, I think she would have gotten better care earlier if we had done that. Until the OD, I could not get her in to see a proper psychiatrist.
    We have therapists for her, for both of us, for me, and for our older son (age 5), so at least we have that system of support. My wife will be moving to a new therapist now after it seems that the previous one simply missed the boat in a big way.
    And thank you for mentioning about talking to the kids about it. The 5 YO is open to discussion (on his level), so I have started opening that line of communication. The other is younger than 2, so he’s just happy to get attention either way.
    I’m reading furiously, and I was able to talk to my wife’s uncle, a psychiatrist, about this, so I’m working to learn as much as possible.
    I know this is not necessarily a forum for people in my situation, but I do appreciate the input your have provided for me.
    Now on to the next steps…

    Reply
    • April 4, 2011 at 8:30 am

      I am very happy to have been able to give my advice. May not be a forum, but I am willing to help anyone who needs a little advice! If Im gonna air my dirt I guess I have to be ready for questions!

      It’s quite alright, I wish you the best of luck. Share the blog with your wife, sometimes it is very comforting to know you arent alone.

      Reply
  • November 21, 2011 at 1:59 pm

    Hi
    My wife of 14 years has type 2 BPD and only of last 2 years have we stabilized her on meds (it has been a long road I can attest).I know (99.99%) she has never cheated on me and been good with money and had nothing but love for me. Her parents have never acknowledged her disorder and have mistreated and abused her her as an older child and teenager because of her behavior (and their ignorance and possibly shame) due to the disorder. They never liked me and truly believe that I am forcing her to be Drugged up and controlled on her prescribed meds. I thought over the last 2 years her folks have been more understanding and last month they took her on a holiday to the UK for a month with the agreement that if she had a meltdown there was an open ticket back home. I thought this was a good opportunity for them to understand and reconnect….Little did I know as soon as they got there they hounded her “you dont have anything wrong with you” they bullied her off her meds turned her against me treated her like dirt and she had a massive episode. She begged them to come home and they betrayed her by refusing to let her come home (a promise that we both had as a safety net). She tried to OD on lithium and they refused to let her go to hospital with liver and kidney pains. I was in one of the busiest work times in the year and due to the time difference here in Australia and her not getting connected on the phone or the net to me for the first week left he out in a vulnerable and threatening place making it impossible to cope with a difficult and hostile environment. One expert has described this by saying that mental illnesses such as bipolar disorder take a more acute course when “vulnerability meets adversity.”

    She found some “comfort” in a male friend she met while crying on the street (lucky it wasn’t a pimp or Russian mafia) and things led to unprotected sex and a “grandiose” fling with a guy she would usually have little interest in.

    I found all this out after being suspicious of her actions by checking her facebook and could not believe what I was reading !!! This was not My partner of 14 years …How could this be true!!! Her parents had no Idea she was manic and told me she was having a ball bouncing off the walls(yeah like wait for the crash).
    I was devastated and betrayed as she was pushed into a corner ( I also was hurt by her venom aimed at me at the time fueled by her folks distain for me) and bullied by her folks constantly refused medical help and after melting down in the middle of the street crying. they walked off and left her in the middle of the city(several times). drug dealers and pimps approached her offering her all sorts of drugs and lucky she wasnt kidnapped by a pimp.
    I was devastated to the point of suicide. My whole world turned upside down and I was so confused and it almost finished us (to the delight of her parents).
    But with understanding and help from the doctors as they said ” how did it start?” “she stopped taking her meds doc” Docs eyes roll “that explains everything” says doc

    I have forgiven her but I am still hurt and devastated but I love her and understand the factors but I still cant think there must have been some part of her “real self wanting it”… I dont know??? She hates herself and loves me dearly. and after reading this and other sites I can understand more about the situation and yes I know it will take years to get over it. It is a debilitating disorder and although at times they seem very strong the very nature of the disease make them very weak too. Alcohol also has a very bad effect on BP judgement and her lack of sleep (2 hours a night) led to a massive manic hyper sexual state. I hate her folks for putting her in a dangerous situation but I know also she MUST atone for her own actions but in non mentally ill people the infidelity stats are around 80%…..

    Her folks were so upset that as her lover and carer I forgave here so quickly that they smashed their way into my house and assaulted me and accused me of drugging her up (prescribed seriquil) they are now facing charges of home invasion and assault (aint Karma a biartch)

    anyway thanks for more insight with your experience and I hope mine may help someone not make the same mistakes..

    Peace out

    Alex

    Thank you for helping me understand more

    Reply
  • December 22, 2011 at 4:44 pm

    My 29 year old wife of 4 years, we’ve been together for 10 has had at least two affairs that she has admitted to. I have reason to believe that it’s more like 3 or 4 affairs in the past 19 weeks. She recently came off her manic episode and is now in a deep depression but still will not seek help. She moved out a month ago continues to be horrible with money. She has bounced two checks this month, both times our bank covered her but she was hit with steep fines. During her manic stage her ego and self esteem where sky high she was as she put it the life of the party. She would tell me how she never loved me, couldn’t stand to be in the same room as me and wanted me out of her life.
    I began to take steps to make that a reality talking to a lawyer to start the paper work for a divorce and she accused me of lying to her and she said she couldn’t trust me because I was being sneaky and going behind her back.

    I asked her a few weeks ago to come back home and go with me to marriage counseling but she again told me she didn’t know what she wanted and then she told me she wasn’t attracted to me and told me of her 2nd affair, she told me if it weren’t for our three year old daughter she wouldn’t have an issue with never talking to me again.

    Now she is in a deep depression she’ll call, email or text me every day. The other night she asked me to stay at her place for a little so we could talk. She told me how much she hates her job, how she never has any money, she just looked like a dejected person. The type of person who a year ago she would have had little pity for. A month prior to her first affair we had talked about having another child, booked a vacation, and looked at purchasing a new car. Like I said above she hasn’t been diagnosed with bi polar but I think she is. She has a history of depression and she has attempted suicide once in the past. I just wish she would go and get checked out. I still love her dearly and worry about her all the time! Just thought I’d share my story.

    Reply
  • January 26, 2012 at 11:02 am

    Dear Beth,

    I got married young… i was 18. I have always been kind of “manic depressive” but i had never been diagnosed. It was more of something my mom told me i should consider seeing someone about. I was very promiscuous prior to my marriage, and i also would suffer severe depression about the things i would do on my wild nights…. my husband never REALLY was able to get to know who i really was. I remember going to a doctor for a serious stomach issue i was having and somehow one thing led to another and i ended up being put on an anti depressant. Anyone who is bipolar would understand what taking an antidepressant can do to you…. I spun completely out of control, and i actually cant even remember most of the things i did in a couple months of my life at that time. I know that in those couple months i cheated on my husband twice. i was drunk off of my ass both times but it doesnt excuse my actions… and the guilt almost killed me…. literally. the night after the second one night stand i was drinking again and i was with a friend. I lied to my husband about where i was going and what i was doing. She called him because i kept wanting to drive home.. i was telling my “friend” it wouldnt be so bad if i crashed my car into a tree. he came to get me and he wasnt angry… just scared. he was terrified. I came home and the first thing i did was run to the medicine cabnet and tried to take a bunch of pills. my husband stopped me and i went into a fit. i was soooo depressed. I was telling him i just wanted to die, i wasnt worth anything, hed be better off without me. I tried so hard that night to kill myself that my husband had to restrain me and take me to the ER. they put me on lock down and took me to a mental hospital nearby. While i was in there and medicated for about 6 days, my husband talked to my friends and found out about my affairs. It was horrible, he stopped coming to see me, he wanted nothing to do with me anymore and i knew that i destroyed him. while i was in there i prayed so hard. I knew i was sick and i needed healing, i needed something because i just lost EVERYTHING.after i got out, i lived with my aunt for a couple of weeks before my husband decided he wanted to give it another go. That we did. I was on and off medications for months with worse and better side effects but i still was really really unhappy. then i looked into all of the medications which were helping my reactions to my disorder but they made me feel like a vegetable. they gave me anxiety, i was terrified to leave the house,i couldnt drive, some of the side effects were incredibly physical and really affected my life. I couldnt work, i couldnt enjoy anything. after about 6 months i decided to stop the meds on my own, noone knew about it. I changed my diet and i really paid attention to my every thought and impulse. I prayed frequently and i avoided putting myself in situations that i could end up relapsing in.

    here i am one year later and i am doing wonderful. my husband and i have gained back that foundation of trust and love. I havent cheated and i havent hurt him. Were expecting a child and i was told that that would never happen because of other issues, so it is a true miracle. I feel so much better. I couldnt have done it without having God and having the will power i had to change. It was hard, the hardest thing i have ever done, but it was worth it because now i have that dream family i always wanted and i dont have to worry about any medications slowing me down and holding me back from life… not to mention the COST of TREATMENT!!! Mental illnesses can be conditioned, they can be helped but in some cases they cant and in those cases all you really need is help from God and a LOT of support.

    this was my personal experience and i know that not everyone believes in God, but in MY life? I believe in God and i know… I KNOW.. i could not have come this far without his help. so to each their own.

    Reply
    • January 26, 2012 at 7:36 pm

      Amy,
      Thank you very much for sharing your experience with me. It is all very eye opening when someone else has been down a similar road.

      So glad God has lead you back to a wonderful place in your life. He is good at that, he has saved me, my heroin addicted brother, and my kids. Lots of amazing testimonies!

      Reply
  • January 30, 2012 at 4:19 am

    Beth…thank you for your blog and hope you can help. Am having an awful time coming to terms with my husband having a two month affair after 26 years of marriage. He was dx with bipolar after that. I had urged him after losing his job to go to a new doctor. After going on lamictal he went into a full manic episode, leaving myself and three sons. I might add that my oldest son is bipolar and am very familiar with this nightmare and all of its effects. My husband was on an antidepressant for 10 years. I thought that was awful enough until this. Paxil had become his new wife and all I felt was an instant disconnect from him while on it. I guess the fact that he had a two month affair, had left us, blamed me for everything has left me feeling as though how could it have lasted for so long. You were horribly guilty for only a one night fling. He was with this woman constantly and spent half of his earnings for the whole year on her. If anyone could shed some light on how it could have lasted for so long, I’d appreciate it. Am feeling absolutely lost. His family blamed me for this and are in denial as well. I am truly overwhelmed. Thank you…Dorothy

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  • April 15, 2012 at 4:33 pm

    Today I went through 12 months of my wife’s email affair with a friend. It progressed from friend’s correspondening to hyper sexual + then invitaional (come join our family) in a stressful period of approximately 6 – 8 months.
    My stepson (whose biological father was para/schizophrenic and patracidal before dying of a herion od) had injured himself and was in the ‘care’ of this man, who had always loved my wife I know.
    When he emailed ‘what a good father ?!x would make’ during his recouperation (overseas) then everything went ballistic in their correspondence (peak + normalise + then peak again – ‘friend’ would seem to ride the waves from support and care and understanding to unrequited love to sex).
    Within days of my stepson’s return (sociopathic behaviour last few years 14 – presently 19), who has been treated like a prince/husband/burden by her, I was shown the door. And new ‘head of household’ installed.
    Their relationship is so enmeshed and perverse and unhealthy it is frightening. And I have a 12 year old daughter in the middle. She loves them/us all and is strong and caring, but I feel helpless, just wish to evacuate her from this (I am an expat and my wife’s family – one sister on antidepressants and father seriously ill, and all and sundr just wanting to wish things away).
    When I approached my wife about the bizaare and inapropriate nature of the email relationship; she simply explained it away as my delusional and sick mind. She had gone to a psychologist who armed her with ‘time and boundaries’ that could not be defined.
    After a period I simply asked for a divorce. She granted my request in conversation late one night and then suggested we buy a flat the next day (which we can’t afford anyway).
    I also sort proffesional help and organised for my stepson to receive counselling (wife claimed responsibility because I asked her to call – would not have been remotely possible if it was seen by him, to have been my initiative).
    I have sort some sort of middle ground with them both (although they often are seemingly one and the same person more often than not). But from their reactions (which differ dramatically from their recollections – I wish it could be filmed and played back to them), it makes attempts to reconcile an understanding between us all completely futile.
    I am concerned for them both but feel my energy (sapped) must be concentrated on my daughter. And if I have a question it is whether to show her the email(s).
    I need her to know the situation. Because my wife’s position of my ‘sickness’ has been expressed to her.
    I admire all the strength and honesty of all the contribotors who have posted their experiences.

    Reply
  • September 29, 2012 at 6:53 pm

    Beth,I am in you’re husbands shoes right now and I was wondering if he has a blog. You’re experience is just like my wife’s. This is all very fresh for us. She had a one night stand in January and a affair in July and August. When the guy dumped her she fell back to me. I love my wife. I know my wife. For 14 years we have been together. I never would have thought. A counsilor said something about bipolar and I did some research and bam. I see it all now. I would really love to get his comments because his road is the one I am going down. Thanks.Jason

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  • March 21, 2013 at 5:25 pm

    Was wondering your thought process leading up to the affair and during. Did you love your husband but just get carryed away with the attention. Do you think of him at all during this process or does that hit you afterwards. Just trying to understand. Thanks

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    • June 15, 2014 at 3:57 pm

      I would love some insight here as well. My wife sums up all 3 of her affairs (2 short physical affairs and one long internet sexcapade) with “I was hypomanic, only thinking about myself”.
      It is hard to fathom that at no point in either the 2, 3 or 9 month affairs she wrestled with the morality of what she was doing. Especially considering she was diagnosed after the affairs and had up until then—her first obviously serious manic episode—not appeared manic at all. Subtly manic and completely devoid of any conscience for months on end?

      Reply
  • April 2, 2013 at 4:15 pm

    Im with badger on this one.I thought the one thing I could count on in this world was my wife’s love for me. Now what?

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  • May 31, 2013 at 3:07 pm

    I would just like to say that no matter what your state of mind is you cannot even attempt to blame the other man you slept with for your poor decision. In that way, you might as well blame the other guy for your disease as well. You may have an illness, but you chose to do what you did (altered state of mind or not) Bottom line.

    Reply
  • July 26, 2013 at 1:11 pm

    I am married to a wonderful woman (when she is not in the manic phase) I have talked to her about seeing counseling and getting checked out to see if my suspicions of her being Bipolar are true. She constantly accuses me of cheating and when I try to explain to her I would never even think about cheating on her my love runs deeper than I can explain, she just doesnt listen and is fixated that I am. Even when I try to just let it go and not entertain the idea of her accusations it does not help. When she was in one of her manic phases she swore up and down that I was cheating on her and would leave her for some other woman. One day I came home for lunch when it was time to head back to work I kissed her good by said I love you see you after work. When I came home for the day she was gone it took me a few moments to realize everything was gone except a note saying she wanted a divorce. She ended up going back to her parents meeting a guy starting a relationship with him but once he left she told me not to file the paper work pored her heart out to me wanted to be together. I went to visit for a week we made plans for her to come back down in a few months and we would work on things through counseling together. When she found out I was leaving the country for a year she went back into a manic state stopped talking to me found a new guy and despite having proof she was having a relationship with this guy she denied everything. I want to go back up there and try to talk face to face try to save the marriage and not lose the woman I would die for. I dont know what I should do.

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  • February 24, 2015 at 10:55 pm

    BP destroyed my marriage. My wife left and has been going screw crazy for months. Now that I know of the disease and its manifestations i am sure thislatest romp isn’t her first. She was a compulsive spender, too. Sherefuses to take her beds. Although we are in counseling there is no way I am staying married to this nut. I am only trying to figure out how to get out of the marriage with some skin. It is a terrible thing to suffer but your ego is somewhat eased when you realize what you have been dealing with. I am done with this kook and will certainly be scrutinizing any future partners. Sorry to any who have suffered this illness. Get out and do not stick around is the best advice I can offer. They do not change. Constant battle. Counting the days until my divorce is final.

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  • November 10, 2015 at 12:10 am

    I was married to a woman for 29 years with bipolar and she cheated maybe. 4 times during that time. She would just leave and might be gone a day or two and I knew she had cheated but I did not let it bother me because I knew she was fighting demons that I had no way to help her with she always came back and within a day or two stared getting better. She always said she could not remember things she had done and our relationship never fell apart later in our marriage the episodes grew father apart till sept 6-2014 when it all came crashing down. She was the worst I had ever seen her she got in a car and had a wreck. Died oct 3 2014. And it was not her bipolar that caused her to do it she had an infection gallbladder that had mad her blood septic and I was just as guilty as all trying to treat her mental health when it was a physical problem that caused it.

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