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Archives for Bipolar

Bipolar

I’m Now on Ritalin – Is This What “Normal” Feels Like or Am I on My Way to Mania?

Through this wild and crazy adventure with Bipolar I have learned one thing: I am a bum. I'm lazy, I procrastinate, I have no focus, energy, or determination.

When a hypo-manic or manic episode takes control though, I am incredibly creative, full of energy and life, and I can really get things done. There is no procrastination, and everything makes sense. I am sharp-witted, smart and so incredible! I love myself so much during...
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Bipolar

On The Verge of A Bipolar Rant? Consider The Consequences First, And Your Family

If there is one thing I have learned above all else when it comes to a Bipolar rant (or rage), it's that it affects my entire family in dramatic ways. I don't feel the degree of my mood swing matters; I think it is the act itself of losing control that has the most devastating consequences.

Shortly after my diagnoses, once I got on medication and started seeing things clearly, I noticed how my children...
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Bipolar

Yes, I Love To Pole Dance – Until I Fall Flat On My Ass!

Why is it when my mood is most sour, my kids do everything in their power to irritate the crap out of me?

If I am in a decent, or even a good mood, my kids are angels. They mind their manners, clean up their messes, and rarely fight. On the other hand, when I am feeling ill-minded, they seem like four little terrorists making every effort to sabotage my own efforts to find...
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Bipolar

Changing Medication Has Ruined My Life!

When I sat down with my pill sorter and began filling it up with my morning and evening doses I began to cry. I believe a large part of that had to do with starting a new antidepressant, but I know the overwhelming sadness came along with the revelation that I am on too many medications.

How am I supposed to care for my children when I can't keep myself together?

For the past...
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Bipolar

The Blind Leading The Blind: Coping With My Bipolar Teenager

I have posted previously about my oldest son.  He is a remarkable child with a beautiful soul and a loving heart.  He's fantastic (when not getting on my nerves!) and I love him dearly.  We have grown up together, since I was so young when I had him.  We've always been very close and we still are.  We have both struggled together and overcome adversity together.  We have faced challenges together, and we are...
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Bipolar

It’s Time To Fire My Psychiatrist – Part Two

My last post "It's Time To Fire My Psychiatrist" was about the negativity I received from my psychiatrist during my last "in crisis" session.  The outpouring of support and guidance from my peers was so amazing that it was almost overwhelming.  There were many questions and many suggestions.  I have taken time over the weekend to reflect on all the amazing support I have received and the wonderful feedback from my...
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Bipolar

My Fall – Getting Back Up (Part 6 of 6)

After finally receiving a diagnoses, I felt both confused and relieved.  I wasn't too sure what to make of "Bipolar" but I was willing to gather as much information as possible.  After years of instability I felt maybe this was it.  Maybe I had my answer and I could finally live a somewhat normal life.  This would not be the case.

I told my husband and my family that I was diagnosed Bipolar, and...
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Bipolar

My Fall – A More Accurate Diagnoses (Part 5 of 6)

I spent time in therapy.  I needed it after such a devastating stay of four days in the mental ward with a bunch of crazy people!

Well, that's what I thought.

I was compliant with my meds and was rapidly improving.  I was sleeping again, the visual and auditory hallucinations were gone.  The paranoia was getting better, and I was happier.  I was not back to normal, not by a long shot, but I was...
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Bipolar

My Fall – My Hospital Stay (Part 4 of 6)

I voluntarily went to the hospital.  From the moment I got up to the floor with the "crazy people" I felt violated.  I felt emotionally and mentally raped.  I felt beaten and tormented.  I felt abandoned.

I spent the first night crying uncontrollably.  My roommate was a lovely girl, she had been in there for a month already.  She tried to help me calm down but there was no calming me down.  I felt...
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Bipolar

My Fall – Getting Help (Part 3 of 6)

I met with a psychiatrist and she was very concerned about my behavior.  It took a couple of weeks to get in to see her, but by the time she and I met I had moved somewhat past the events.  I was no longer in immediate danger of harming myself or my children.

I was still hearing voices, sounds, and feeling paranoid about everything.  I lived under a blanket of fear.  I lived behind...
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