from bad to worseI already posted about my moving hell. When I say hell, I mean the belly of hell. I really did not think anything could get worse so I just kept on going, and going, and going.

The problem with trying to keep optimistic in the face of complete chaos and frustration is that things can always get worse.

I will say that through everything I have not completely lost my mind or spiraled out of control, not even once. My anxiety, however, has been through the roof and my mouth has been on fire! This mouth of mine is going to eventually get me into trouble. I just know it!

There are only two good things that have happened in the past two weeks, and I am being honest when I say that. #1, my kids went back to school. #2, my insurance covered my $4000 stolen wedding set. The payout was only $1500, but I guess it is enough to replace my ring with something decent. I am still heartbroken about it. I hope whoever took it really, really needed that money because what goes around comes around – always. I am a firm believer that one day something pretty crappy will in turn happen to them tenfold.

Where do I begin? Well my cable company decided 3 days after my cable installation (which was disastrous, by the way) to auto debit my checking account by over $200 more than the normal bill. It took them a whopping 48 hours to add all those charges to my bill so it would debit in time. Wow. I was beyond irate. I need that money!

I called them and went all bipolar crazy on them demanding every penny be put back into my account and they agreed to do so. Then I have to provide them with a copy of my bank statement showing it had cleared. I don’t have a working printer or fax (because their phone wasn’t installed properly) and can’t get it to them. She states “well if you want your money, you’ll figure it out!” Oh dear. Went bipolar on her and cussed her out. Yep, full on f-bomb and all. It wasn’t pretty. So then I had to call the bank and beg them to print something and fax it to the cable company for me. I was crying hysterically when I called from the intense frustration and she quickly agreed to help me. I had to drive over to the bank to get it sorted out, but I got it taken care of. I swear if they call me again, I might just have to drive down there and kick someone’s ass.

I made an appointment with the HVAC people because there was a serious air distribution problem on the second floor – only two rooms were cooling. So I had to wait nearly a week just for the appointment and the night before they call and cancel that. I went all bipolar again, yelling and fussing at her. Everyone is uncomfortable sleeping at night, and she is going to cancel and reschedule to next Monday. Holy cow! Yep, I got a little mouthy with her but nothing like I did with the cable lady.

So I text my superintendent and went a little nutty on him too. Told him everything that had happened with everything and he assured me he’d help me get it fixed. Our phone wires were crossed during installation so none of our phone jacks worked, the AC was messed up, our floors – well I won’t even get into that! Anyway, following the nasty text I sent him about their HVAC Company I got a phone call that they would be out first thing in the morning. At least my superintendent cares about us!

We have no water pressure so now the water people have to come and fix that, our speakers for our intercom/stereo were crossed as well so I have to wait for them to come and fix that. It’s like seriously? What else!!!

Then we have my kids. Starting school has been hard on them, my daughter just cries for a good 15-20 minutes every morning when she gets up. She’s so cranky! I have to figure something out with her or I am going to go batty. I already lost my cool yesterday morning with her and the whole house went up in smoke! We were all going a little nuts.

Then there is the baby. He’s a total and complete mess. His Autism has kicked up a notch and I just can’t deal with the way he’s acting. I am lost. He has changed almost overnight. He was extremely affectionate and loving, sweet, quiet. Now he is a little crazy boy! He’s turning into a monster toddler! I have to do something. He has another evaluation today to determine where his placement will be in therapy.

I think I need a therapy evaluation also!

Then let’s just throw in unpacking along with my normal chores, it’s just been absolutely horrible.

Last night I finally just broke down and cried. I cried for so long that my eyes swelled up and I couldn’t even breathe. I couldn’t run away from it all I had no choice but to deal with it. So I just….cried.

I am at my end here and very, very concerned that I may fall of the cliff I am trying so hard to hang on to. I know that I can’t run away from life and I have just been trying to look ahead, but what about when I don’t have the strength (or desire) to continue to look ahead? All I have done for two solid weeks is try hard to keep going. I am out of steam. I can’t keep going anymore, not like this.

I have picked out a new ring and that is pretty much the only thing I have to look forward to right now. Well, my best friend is coming into town for a visit for my birthday this weekend and we are going to enjoy a girl’s night with some other friends. I guess I can look forward to that.

After that though, I will have nothing to look forward to. I’m so scared of the crash that I feel is imminent.

Woman crying photo available from Shutterstock