I was laying in bed last night in my perfect comfy spot. Suddenly, my body started to become numb and I felt as though my mind was separating from my body. I could feel my heart start to race and I broke out into a sweat; the panic set in quickly. I tried to move and I couldn’t, yet I was wide awake. I thought I was dying.

My son began to cry and it yanked me out of whatever it was I was experiencing.

I got up to see what was wrong and my body still had this eerie feeling of discontent. I was shaking, sweating and very hot. I was terrified walking through the house, hearing noises, seeing shadows, swearing someone was inside my home.

This came out of nowhere. It was sudden and incredibly intense. I was so scared that I couldn’t leave my son’s room. I began pacing back and forth at the door, too scared to leave to get the meds I knew would help me calm down. I stood there for at least 15 minutes before I got the courage to leave his room. I picked him up and carried him with me – I felt comfortable with him in my arms.

My heart was racing so fast I could feel it beating in every part of my body.

Without courage to go into the kitchen for my meds, I rushed into my bedroom and took the Ativan I already had in there and crawled into bed with my little one. He was fussing because of mosquito bites, I was panting from the panic. Quite a pair we were. I turned on the television and laid there with the volume up hoping it would drown any noises I heard.

The problem is the noises were not actual noises, it was in my head – this meant the TV could not drown them out.

I couldn’t sleep. No matter how hard I tried to settle down the panic kept me up, freaking out, for three very long hours. I watched my son sleeping, cuddled with him and kissed him over and over again hoping I would find some peace, but it didn’t work. Nothing worked.

After the pain in my chest subsided and the noises quieted I was able to close my eyes. Once again I fell into this creepy state of feeling like my body and mind were not one. Call it an out of body experience, I am not entirely sure what it was. This time I did not have a baby to cry forcing me out of such a terrifying state.

Again, my body went numb and I was wide awake in a paralyzed state. I have had this happen before, it is called lucid dreaming, but this time there were no dreams. I was sleeping while I was also awake. Needless to say, it was a very sleepless night full of terror and frustration. I am tired and still agitated. I had a hard time with the kids this morning and it has been a while since we had a bad morning.

I am doing terrible. I feel sick, tired, overwhelmed and scared to death. I wish there was a pill that could take it away, I have my Ativan but it is only calming. I hope my day gets better.

Sleepless woman photo available from Shutterstock.