happy womanI am calm, relaxed, and happy. I am content with the way things are and satisfied with how I feel. Being so calm and relaxed, it is a sign of something coming – according to my psychiatrist.

I saw my doc today, she is concerned and voiced her concern very discreetly, the way she does. We were talking about the calm after this storm I’ve been in. How it feels really good to finally feel relaxed, calm and content again. She did not feel the same elation I did regarding my very, wait, extremely calm mood. Why can’t I just be happy? I wish I could climb inside her head to grab a better understanding of why she is concerned.

My moods are generally all over the place. After the past 4 weeks of ups and downs following my surgery, a calm and relaxed mood is more than welcome. My doctor thinks otherwise. She has me charting my moods pretty aggressively now – 4 times a day – to see what is going on. It is so infrequent that I am this calm that she even said “I haven’t seen you this well, ever, and that is what concerns me” and I wonder to myself – is this the calm before the storm? Or is this the calm following 3 weeks of brutal hell?

Either way, I feel a little robbed that she cannot just let me enjoy it.

So now, after enjoying several days of a calm and relaxed mood, feeling content with how things are, she has me a little anxious.

I want to feel calm!

I do not want to welcome a hypo-manic episode, but the relief from the depression and anxiety following the surgery is very welcome.

I have been quite non-compliant with all my meds lately because of forgetfulness. It has nothing to do with not wanting to take them, I seriously just forget to take them. My surgeon’s office says that as a residual effect of the anesthesia, the forgetfulness can last quite a while. I have to start setting reminders, sticky notes, something to help me remember. It is so important.

So, today I will go on an adventure to place sticky notes all over the house, set reminder alarms in my phone, and try to make a conscious effort to stay on top of my meds. I have an appointment with my endocrinologist soon, I bet he will fuss at me equally over being so forgetful when it comes to my very important meds.

Now, if only I could remember where I put my mood charts….

Young woman photo available from Shutterstock.