sleeping womanWell, I must say the past 3 weeks have been like living in an ongoing nightmare. Dealing with pain and trying to take pain medication as little as possible, while still trying to be a mother and a wife has been quite difficult. It’s been like, well, like a nightmare.

I think I finally woke up! I can sleep on my side again which means a full night of rest for me. I can also (somewhat) walk upright, so the pain in my back is getting much better. The sore spots where the herniation in the muscle were have healed well, and I feel very little twinges here and there but not often.

I told everyone I knew that if they ever thought they wanted a tummy tuck (whether medically necessary or not) to never ever do it. I think my tune is changing. To deal with 2+ weeks of torturous pain for the result I have now has made it worth it. Now, if we can get these two spots that don’t want to heal to change their tune a little all would be great.

I was sorting through my photos of the before/after results of the procedure, I am stunned. While the healing hasn’t been the best, most likely due to the diabetes, it is still worth it. I think when the full healing is done in another couple of months I will be able to get back to life. Things like cleaning the house every day and cooking dinner might not seem like horrible tasks that will inflict some sort of pain that keeps me on the couch. I might be able to get in the floor and play with my kids, maybe even get in a game of hide and seek. Maybe I’ll be able to carry my kids to bed again, and make it up the steps to kiss them goodnight every night. Maybe I can go outside with them and run around the yard. Oh the maybe’s, those are what keep me trucking along in the nightmare I have been living in.

Maybe I will be able to go on a date night again with my hubby, without having to cut it short because of tummy pain. Maybe I can even dance again. Oh how I have missed dancing. Maybe yoga or Pilate’s is in my future. Oh those maybe’s.

While I know my husband has gotten tired of having to do everything, nursing me included, I’m not sure if he understands what it has been like for me the past couple of years living in pain. He tries really hard to get it I know he does, but unless you are faced with unrelenting pain that takes over your life, I don’t think the comprehension is possible.

So as every day passes I feel better and better. I have two spots that don’t want to heal, but we are working on those keeping them clean and saying our prayers for a fast and uneventful healing.

So, 3.5 weeks post op I am doing good. It’s about time! Maybe with all these maybe’s, I can feel a little better about myself.

Sleeping woman photo available from Shutterstock.