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The Bipolar Wife: Man, I Can Hold A Grudge!

angry coupleMy husband and I really had it out this weekend, and I’m not ready to let it go yet!

He has had so much free time over the last 3 months it’s ridiculous — while I get to be at home taking care of the kids. In September he went out of town for a weekend (alone) for a wedding. Okay, great. Then, roughly a month later I went out of town to visit my family, taking all the kids with me. He enjoyed the weekend crashing at his friend’s house visiting bars and working on his schoolwork. Again, whatever. It’s life, he has a job I don’t.

Then following all of this he starts going out with friends (mutual friends) every single weekend, returning home usually sometime after 3 am. I start getting annoyed, but protesting his behavior would most definitely result in the mother of all fights that is sure to last a week. So I just keep my mouth shut.

He goes out six weekends in a row!

I am always invited to go out also, but I feel like I am getting a bit too old to be bar hopping. Not to mention I’m not really drinking anymore, and I suffer from severe social anxiety. Does he take time to say “nah guys, I’m going to stay in with my wife this weekend”? Nope, he sure doesn’t. Instead he asks me if he can go. Again, whatever.

Last weekend we enjoyed a date night. Once or twice a year we take an overnight to ourselves and have our amazing sitter stay with the kids. It is very rejuvenating. Here I am thinking his adventures going out with his buddies is coming to an end because for once he thought of me. Does that turn out to be the case? Nope, it sure doesn’t.

Saturday night he was invited out (to the bar, again) by a couple we are friends with for their joint birthday party. Again, I have been having problems with the social anxiety these days so I can’t go. It’s not really about a choice, it is really impossible for me to go to a bar with loud music and tons of drunk people. It’s my choice to stay home, but he should also be making the choice to stay home with me and the kids rather than needing to go out almost every single weekend. This time, I really got my feelings hurt and starting bucking like a wild horse, big time!

So I start pointing out to him how often he goes out with his friends and he tells me no, that is not true I am wrong. So in all my OCD glory I pull up our cell phone records and note every night he called me after 12am. Sure enough, 6 weeks out of 7 he was out drinking while I was at home with our children, tucked into bed by 11pm.

So with cell phone records in hand (solid proof) he still argues that he hasn’t been out so much. Seriously??

Then, the previously predicted nastiness comes out about how he can’t have a life because I don’t want to go out. As I am screaming at him (hoping he will hear me, understand, and stop the behavior) he then gets nasty and calls his friends saying he’s not coming. By this point, I don’t even want him near me. I am so angry because the end result when I do ask him not to go is not worth it.

I curl up in bed at 9 pm, refusing to speak to him, telling him to get out. He gets dressed, heads out for a night on the town with his friends, again returning at 3:30 in the morning. I thought bars closed at 2:00!

Anyway, I can hold a grudge, he’s not happy, and I wish alcohol would leave our lives, permanently!! Am I talking to him? Sure. Do I want anything at all to do with him? Nope.

Young couple photo available from Shutterstock.

The Bipolar Wife: Man, I Can Hold A Grudge!


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APA Reference
, B. (2011). The Bipolar Wife: Man, I Can Hold A Grudge!. Psych Central. Retrieved on December 14, 2019, from


Last updated: 20 Dec 2011
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