mom's cracking upWell, here I go again.  I am not the best at handling extreme levels of stress and I don’t think it’s a bipolar thing – I think this time it’s a life thing.  Oh boy!

My kids are crazy and I’m quickly following suit.  I’ve always considered myself more of a leader than a follower but the madness around here is dragging me down very quickly.  Where’s a corner? I need to hide!

After two days of nonstop running between my anniversary and my 6 year old son’s birthday, I am crashing.  It’s hard keeping up sometimes when things start getting crazy.  Four kids, a messy house, a bipolar teenager, and a husband working 72 hours a week is taking it’s toll on this momma.  Maybe I should go have a good cry.  Hmm.

With the two younger ones in school I figured life would get a bit easier for me but it’s not turning out to be that way.  The mornings are getting pretty bad, my (now as of yesterday) 7 year old son thinks it is hilarious to tease the hell out of his 4 year old (not a morning person) sister at 8am.  When I am struggling to chug a cup of coffee and get those two to quit bickering while getting them dressed and ready and out the door for school, I’m ready for a nap by 9 am.  Just that hour in the morning is enough to make me feel like I need a vacation, daily!

Then I have to muster up the energy to try to get some housework done after the total emotional drain from getting those two off to school.  I also have the baby, who has been sick too.  A double ear infection and a UTI does not make for a very happy little guy.  It doesn’t make for a very rested mommy either!

So with my husband working 6 days a week from 7:30 am to 7:30 pm and also taking classes, he’s not much help.  It’s not his fault, he’s just too exhausted to handle much of anything by the time he gets home.  The kids are suffering from it too and they think it’s cool to take their frustrations out on each other and me.  Then there is my 14 year old.  I’m just not gonna go there, not right now.

I clean and clean, trying my best to keep up with everything, errands, the baby, the kids, school, appointments, my medical stuff, and then by the time the day is rounding up the kids come home from school, all the hard work I spent getting the house cleaned is undone in 15 minutes!

I sit down to try to get my 7 year old to do homework and all he does is cry and whine.  Rewards, playtime, computer time, none of it helps him to get motivated.  Oh, and when I try to get him to read 20 minutes a night you would think I was inflicting was the worst most unimaginable form of torture ever invented.  Not my rule though, not my rule.

My daughter has a lot of fun tearing apart her room, in a matter of minutes it is destroyed.  New cleaning method: If you throw it on the floor – it is mine.  Once it becomes mine it gets dropped at the thrift store.  I’m certain there is a little girl out there who would appreciate that toy much more than her, enough to put it away when done with it.

Plain and simple my kids are spoiled ROTTEN!  I have a splitting headache, my ears hurt from the screaming and whining, my eyes hurt from the trouble sleeping, and my heart aches from the lack of time with my husband.

I just wonder how much of this has to do with bipolar, and how much it has to do with being human.  Do we all just have our moments where we just come apart and feel like all control is lost?  I can’t be the only woman in the world who feels this way when trapped under mounds of pressure.

Time for some ibuprofen, ativan, and a really long time out!  Does anyone else who isn’t bipolar crack under this much pressure??

Photo by Mark Cummins, available under a Creative Commons attribution license.