Photo by Victor

Photo by Victor

 

Love/Hate Relationship

 

Do you have a love/hate relationship with your meds? I hate mine – the capsules are big and difficult to swallow, they have to be taken with food, and it’s embarrassing to pull them out when I’m out somewhere.

 

I also resent them: I have to take them to retain my sanity and well-being. They are expensive and I’d rather do something else with the money! Not to mention the side effects! The weight gain is horrible. There are also all the supplements that people with depression are supposed to take as well. And frankly, I just don’t like being dependent on pharmaceuticals.

Should I Be Grateful?

But wait. Shouldn’t I be grateful that I’m not treatment-resistant? Shouldn’t I be grateful I have insurance that covers most of the cost? And shouldn’t I be very grateful that there are medications available to me to treat what is a very serious and nasty disorder?

Of course. And I am. Very grateful for all of the above. But really, can’t I wallow for just a few moments? Am I the only one that feels guilty for hating their meds?

Photo by Erich Ferdinand

Photo by Erich Ferdinand

 

When I want to stop taking them, especially after skipping a day or two (yes, I am guilty on occasion), I have to take time to really think and reflect about why I think that taking medications for Bipolar Disorder is not an option for me, but a necessity.

 Why I Continue To Take My Meds

It’s because I vaguely remember some of my most embarrassing moments when I was manic – and those are only the ones I remember. I also remember times when I had a plan for suicide, but refused to tell anyone what it was. I think about the years prior to finding the right cocktail that were robbed from me – my daughters’ childhoods. Entire years I can’t remember. How I didn’t lose my job I’ll never know.

Any Advice?

When you don’t feel like taking your meds, when the burden of being tied to medication is too great and you want to stop, what do you do? Do you feel that it’s just like exercise, something you hate, but do anyway? What advice do you have for those of us who resent our meds?

 

Because my advice is this: remember that mental illness is the third leading cause of death in people aged 15 to 44, and life without them, is pretty hard. So take your meds if you have them, and stick around a while.