Alynn Queen (Aline)In the past 12 years, I have learned a lot from bipolar disorder, mostly, what not to do. I’m working on the “how to do it right” part.

At this point, I have quite a few tips on how to fail with bipolar disorder. From medication to therapy to relationships, this is a comprehensive guide.

Hope you enjoy.

First off, whatever you do, don’t take your medicine regularly. Skip a dose here and there, and expect that you’ll feel well. Feel confused when you are irritable or depressed.

Yell at your family when they ask you if you took your medicine. Act like that’s the craziest thing in the world to be questioned about.

Don’t listen to anything your doctor says. A recommendation for therapy? Silly. Ignore it for a good six months or so, and wonder why you’re not progressing.

Make up outrageous excuses for your absences at work and elsewhere. Tell people someone died when they didn’t. Anything to keep them from knowing you’re bipolar.

Fall into a deep depression, or a high mania for that matter, without consulting anyone. Trust that you can fix it yourself and that it’s not a big deal if you wait until your next scheduled psychiatrist appointment to figure this thing out.

Talk to a lot of people on Facebook while you’re manic. Tell them you’d love to get together for a bite to eat with them and that you miss them dearly! Forget to remember that you probably won’t even want to talk to this person when you come down again.

Don’t take care of your personal hygiene when you’re feeling down. Go days without a shower, and wonder why you feel like dirt. Forget to exercise, and eat terrible things.

Spend a lot of money when you’re manic. Buy things you’ll never use or that you have two or three of already. Spend a lot—like $200-$300. Charge it on your credit card. It’ll be fine.

Drink alcohol in excess. It won’t make your moods shift or anything like that. And if you can, throw in a drug or two.

Be promiscuous. It’s a good idea now, so who cares about later? We aren’t thinking about consequences here!

Also, be sure to berate your family members when you’re not feeling well. Tell them that their actions are the reason you are feeling this way. Act surprised when they push back.

And last, but not least, get violent (see not taking your medicine). Go into a rage and throw things around the house. Push and shove. This will get you somewhere.

I probably could go on forever. However, I think you get the point. Please refer to this guide when you need a refresher. It might keep you from doing some of the things I have done.

In what ways do you “fail” at bipolar disorder? How can you succeed in those areas?

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Creative Commons License photo credit: Rob Boudon