8 thoughts on “What Happens When We Don’t Like Our Kids?

  • December 13, 2017 at 7:43 am

    It’s as simple as that, eh? Male children take their mothers father y chromosome and girls take the father’s mothers xx. We can spot the potential troubles that way, too.

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  • December 13, 2017 at 9:44 am

    Very compelling. My relationship with my Mother was similar as the one with Marion. I think my mother and I just got a good relationship and understanding When I had my first child, and at the same time my mother got real sick. For 6 months I took care of her, and she became more accepting of me as an adult, but she died quite soon. I was devastated with all my emotions, and still as I grow old understand all she went through. I am thankful she met my baby and we did have a short time of understanding.. These mother and daughter relationships are mostly complicated

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    • December 13, 2017 at 11:24 am

      Thank you for sharing your moving story. Mother/daughter relationships are VERY complicated. I’m glad you and your mother had a reconciliation at the end.

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  • December 13, 2017 at 2:03 pm

    This article is a fascinating lens through which to view any mother/daughter relationship.

    My favorite part: “Motherhood may provide a redemptive opportunity to reclaim rejected parts of ourselves because we are able to relate to them more compassionately when we see them carried by our children.”

    Thank you!

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    • December 14, 2017 at 10:51 am

      Glad it was helpful!

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  • December 14, 2017 at 1:30 am

    I did have significant feelings of guilt, because I not only no longer like my eldest child, but I am also afraid of her!
    I was very badly (& permanently), injured in a car accident when she was 18. Suddenly the mother who came running to the rescue at a moments notice, was suddenly unable to “fulfill my duties”. It affected all aspects of my life, in many negative ways,( as anyone who’s suffered such a trauma can attest to). My husband eventually became abusive & controlling, & my two eldest children, who I’d been a very loving, hands on mother to, & happily done so much for, their entire lives, turned on me, the first time I needed their suport & love. Not that I needed their financial or physical support, or anything too major. I’ve never thought that they ”owed me” in any way, but the attitude my eldest began displaying towards me was one of the most shocking & hurtful things I’ve ever gone through. After trying to make things good with her for the last 11 years, with the help of a good therapist, (who has spoken to her), I eventually learned that she is not just a total control freak, but a narcissist, & a cruel sociopath, as well. The signs had been there, but were fairly well-hidden, & had never been directed towards me, prior to the accident. The last 3 years, I’ve discontinued all contact with her, & now that my mother’s involved herself, I don’t see her either. As much as not seeing my two grandchildren hurts me, she’ll fly into a rage over a made-up or an imagined slight, leaving the kids terrified, crying hysterically, as she’s shrieked at me, swearing obscenities, & calling me horrible names in front of the kids. She only allows people to see her kids if they drive to her house, in another town where they now live, & they’re not allowed to visit any relatives, unless she’s there also. When I finally felt the need to make this hard decision, she had, for no imaginable reason, announced before my youngest daughter’s birthday, (which was on Thanksgiving), to my mother, “ that she wouldn’t be coming to any more family dinners, if I was going to be there!
    She has absolutely no regards or remorse for everyone else she hurts, with her “vendetta” against me. Much to my surprise, my mother began constantly opining how much she’d miss seeing the kids, (rather than telling my daughter, “well I’m sorry you feel that way, we’ll all really miss you, I hope you change your mind”). It’s not like my mother doesn’t see them fairly often anyway. When I volunteered not to attend dinner, my mother actually seemed relieved, & agreed! I was very hurt & confused, especially since I’m her only child, but I know that everyone treats my eldest daughter that way, rather than incur her wrath. My mom has “family dinners”, & not only does she not invite me, but she also excludes my youngest daughter as well, which makes me furious. My youngest daughter, (who still lives at home, & doesn’t yet drive), has stayed completely out of it, but she’s no longer invited over either, but she still gets to read about the great “family dinners & functions” that she’s not invited to, when her sister posts the happy photos on “Facebook”. I don’t know what else I can do, except explain to her that it’s not her fault in any way, but that her sister & grandmother both have some serious “mental “issues”. It’s taken a lot of emotional abuse to bring me to this point, It’s just so sad…

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    • December 14, 2017 at 10:56 am

      This sounds so unbelievably hard. I have heard other stories similar to this, of adult children who are very difficult to be in a relationship with. This is such a difficult subject to talk about. Thank you for sharing your story here.

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    • December 20, 2017 at 4:52 am

      This is what narcissists do. It is best to try to compartmentalize your mother and eldest daughter and go on with your life. Don’t allow them to continue to hurt you. She won’t change and your mother got sucked into the vortex. Don’t let that happen to you. Namaste.

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