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How to Connect More Deeply With Others

love on a bench

“We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibers connect us with our fellow men; and among those fibers, as sympathetic threads, our actions run as causes, and they come back to us as effects.” ― Herman Melville

The relationships in our life make us who we are.

We are social creatures meant to intimately connect with others. We are meant to love, care for, and support others and ultimately receive this intimacy in return.

The connections we make with other may be only for a short time or for a lifetime.

Either way, it’s important to recognize that these connections can elevate our experience of life and make us a better person, and in doing so we can help others be at their best as well.

So when it comes to being at our best learning how to build these deep and meaningful relationships is of the utmost importance.

Here are a few tips to help you connect more deeply in your relationships.

1. Be vulnerable

It can be freighting to show our vulnerabilities. We don’t want people to know we are insecure or uncertain, or that we don’t have it all figured out.

Veiling our vulnerabilities is actually a barrier to having a deep and meaningful relationship. When put on our hypothetical armor or mask to hide our insecurities and fears we aren’t authentically connecting with others.

Come to terms with what you don’t what people to know. Be willing to share when you’re afraid or hurt. This doesn’t make you weak. Doing so is actually an act of courage. Hiding behind a false self is what is weak.

2. Share your deep desires

I love talking with people about their dreams and desires. It moves conversations away from the superficial and takes them to the supernatural! We all have dreams and wishes and when we share these with others it opens up a door to greater possibilities.

When I talk to people about what really matters it is exciting and inspiring! Talk about what really matters to you. Be willing to share what inspires you, instead of what you think other people want to hear.

3. Learn to serve

When it comes to building relationships it’s easy to focus on what we have to gain. If you want to connect more deeply focus first on how you can help or serve the other person. Be willing to really listen to them and uncover what they want from life.

When we focus on serving others it is a win/win. Just as Zig Ziglar said, “You can have everything in life you want, if you will just help enough other people get what they want.”

Next time you want to connect deeper ask, “How can I help you? How can I support you?”

4. Be accountable

The last tip for connecting more deeply is about take 100% responsibility for your role in a relationship. We all have certain responsibilities in a relationship and making these clear and owning them sends a powerful message.

Do your part to make the relationship flourish and if you make a mistake own up to it. With some relationships we have more responsibility than others, but either way we must be accountable for what our role and responsibility is.

Connect more deeply with others today. Practice being at your best and help others do the same.

How to Connect More Deeply With Others

Joe Wilner

Joe Wilner is a life coach, licensed clinical psychotherapist (LCP), and drummer from the band Yes You Are. He is also creator of You Have a Calling, a blog and online community helping people discover and pursue their life’s work and mission. Through deep and personalized coaching, he helps ambitious, creative, and spiritually minded individuals make a greater impact, grow as leaders, and design a soulful life they are inspired by.

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APA Reference
Wilner, J. (2014). How to Connect More Deeply With Others. Psych Central. Retrieved on June 7, 2020, from


Last updated: 15 Oct 2014
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