Taking Care of Myself

It's easy for people to understand the flu. You get a fever, chills, headache, maybe some nausea. You ache. You feel like "death warmed over," as an old boyfriend used to say. Concessions are made - "She can't make it," "She isn't feeling up...

Mental break

Dear reader,

I am going to take a week off blogging here. I need a mental break. Last week was very stressful and I need some time to relax and reflect. I am with my parents for the week. I plan to return to you...


What happens after you’re brave –

This past weekend I had the opportunity to share my experience with suicide with a packed house of 387 people. It wasn't easy. My stomach churned. My mouth got dry. I sweated. It was harder on Saturday at rehearsal than for the show on Sunday, because on Sunday the crowd was empowering. Each person that got up to share his or her story at the podium received an encouraging applause, both before and...


This is My Brave

If you know me in real life (or virtually), you know that I am involved in something called This is My Brave. This is My Brave the show is a theater production in which people with mental illness get up and share their story before a live audience. I am a part of the debut cast of about 15 people.

It's not that hard for me to sit here at my desk in my...


On (not) Being a Mother

Today is Mother's Day. A wonderful day. Unfortunately I am not spending it with my mom, having  just visited her for Easter, but I did get her a few little gifts and made her a card.

Motherhood is a weird thing for me. You see, I don't expect to have my own children. That is my choice. I know that those of you trying to conceive may not understand. I know that those of you who...


Coming Out of the Bipolar Closet

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in October 2008. I didn't know I was bipolar. I didn't know about mania or mixed episodes. I only knew my old friend depression. But a smart psychiatrist asked the right questions and got the right answer - bipolar 1. I believe my suicide attempt was the result of a mixed episode. I know now that I was manic before taking all those pills and know that...


ABC’s “Black Box” – Take Two

So, I am a bit late to the dance, but I just finished watching last night's Black Box on ABC. (Forgive me for the delay - my beautifully bipolar life happened).

I found this episode So. Much. Better. More believable. More identifiable.

First off with the things I hated:
1. When Catherine tells her therapist she is "an emotional, impulsive, self-destructive lunatic." Now, I myself do not like being called a "lunatic." With that comes this...



I never knew that some people who live with bipolar disorder experience hallucinations - that is, until it happened to me.

I am seeing a new internal medicine doctor and she asked about my bipolar disorder. She asked if I had hallucinations. I said yes. She said "Auditory or visual?" I told her both - but not recently, recently I am well.

The first hallucinations I experienced were rats and bugs 5 years ago, not long after...


Thoughts on ABC’s “Black Box”

In case you missed it, last night was the premier of ABC's new show, "Black Box." In the show a neurologist named Catherine Black, played by Kelly Reilly, has bipolar disorder - and sometimes she doesn't take her meds.

Here's what I like about the show so far:
1. She sees a therapist. I've said it in these blog posts a hundred times (and probably will a hundred more), but cognitive behavioral therapy is super helpful...



This is going to be a short post - it being Easter and all. I wanted to say how important faith is when you are living with a mental illness. I believe in God. Maybe you don't. That's cool.

Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous focus on a "Higher Power." I think you need to find you higher power be that Jesus or a God or Allah or a un-religious Higher Power. I wouldn't have made it this...