Five years and ten days ago I almost died.

I was in a new environment - new job, new city half way across the country from home, new apartment, new roommate. And it was stressful. You can imagine. Not all stress is bad, but stress,...


National Bipolar Awareness Day

This week I am writing an extra blog in recognition of National Bipolar Awareness Day.

I found out I was Beautifully Bipolar after a suicide attempt. It was a mixed episode brought on by stress - a new job, new city, new roommate, new life....


Dear Mr. Bill O’Reilly,

I'll be honest, I don't watch much news. Maybe that is ignorant of me, maybe that says something about me that only you can judge, but I am far too sensitive to listen to reports of people shooting other people or animal abuse or...




If I had a nickel for every time someone has called me sexy I could buy a new sexy little black dress. I don't know what it is - my body type, my mouth, my walk, or the way I raise an eyebrow when I talk. I'm not quite sure. Don't confuse this with pretty or cute or attractive. This is something else, this is seduction with a wink.

But with my cocktail of antipsychotics,...


Bipolar Irritability

I broke the windshield.

Of my blue Scion.

Because I got in a fight with my boyfriend on the phone and threw the cell at the windshield.

The thing that gets left out sometimes about bipolar disorder is the irritability. For me, it was an enormous thundercloud that appeared out of nowhere. Loud. Destructive. I could be fine for days and then the smallest thing would set me off and I would become this "Other Me," this...


Wash Your Hands!

Obsessive compulsive disorder co-occurs with bipolar disorder in ten percent of the cases. Having obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is exhausting. Obsessions and their resulting compulsions don't always make sense. For example, I believe that if I put my earrings on in the wrong order - right before left - I will be in a car accident. Many of my compulsions revolve around this idea  - that if I do not do them...


My Mental Health Hero

Being Beautifully Bipolar isn't easy. Yes, I've accepted my illness. Yes, I know my signs that things are not going smoothly. Yes, I am far better today than I was at the beginning of this crazy roller coaster ride.

Someone recently asked me who my mental illness hero was and, without hesitation, I said my mom. We weren't as close as bipolar disorder made us. Now we talk nearly every day - about what's...


Fall is coming

It's been a fast summer for me. My mom tells me that as you get older every year the seasons go by quicker than the year before, but at 32 I don't like this idea. I don't want to blink through seasons in the coming years. I want to appreciate long walks and longer days.

Fall is a fickle time. It is the darker months in which I become darker, at least that it what...


What I Used to Be

I used to think that being bipolar was the worst thing to ever happen to me, that this illness that manifested in my brain was all that I was or that I would ever be. I used to think I was hard to love.  After all, who wants to visit me in the psych ward or sit by while a man in a white coat stitches up the tender skin on my left wrist. Who...