If I had a nickel for every time someone has called me sexy I could buy a new sexy little black dress. I don't know what it is - my body type, my mouth, my walk, or the way I raise an eyebrow when I talk. I'm not quite sure. Don't confuse this with pretty or cute or attractive. This is something else, this is seduction with a wink.

But with my cocktail of antipsychotics,...


Bipolar Irritability

I broke the windshield.

Of my blue Scion.

Because I got in a fight with my boyfriend on the phone and threw the cell at the windshield.

The thing that gets left out sometimes about bipolar disorder is the irritability. For me, it was an enormous thundercloud that appeared out of nowhere. Loud. Destructive. I could be fine for days and then the smallest thing would set me off and I would become this "Other Me," this...


Wash Your Hands!

Obsessive compulsive disorder co-occurs with bipolar disorder in ten percent of the cases. Having obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is exhausting. Obsessions and their resulting compulsions don't always make sense. For example, I believe that if I put my earrings on in the wrong order - right before left - I will be in a car accident. Many of my compulsions revolve around this idea  - that if I do not do them...


My Mental Health Hero

Being Beautifully Bipolar isn't easy. Yes, I've accepted my illness. Yes, I know my signs that things are not going smoothly. Yes, I am far better today than I was at the beginning of this crazy roller coaster ride.

Someone recently asked me who my mental illness hero was and, without hesitation, I said my mom. We weren't as close as bipolar disorder made us. Now we talk nearly every day - about what's...


Fall is coming

It's been a fast summer for me. My mom tells me that as you get older every year the seasons go by quicker than the year before, but at 32 I don't like this idea. I don't want to blink through seasons in the coming years. I want to appreciate long walks and longer days.

Fall is a fickle time. It is the darker months in which I become darker, at least that it what...


What I Used to Be

I used to think that being bipolar was the worst thing to ever happen to me, that this illness that manifested in my brain was all that I was or that I would ever be. I used to think I was hard to love.  After all, who wants to visit me in the psych ward or sit by while a man in a white coat stitches up the tender skin on my left wrist. Who...


Out of the Darkness

There were ribbons - silver if you were simply raising awareness, red if you lost a parent, purple if you lost a child, blue if you lost a spouse, green if you lost a sibling, and yellow if you lost someone from your extended family. It was a rainbow of sadness. I wore a silver ribbon around my wrist and a sticker of an oragami crane to symbolize the special meaning of...


Mad as the Mad Hatter

I never knew when I was a little girl that I would grow up to be mad. Mad - like the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland. I always thought I would be Alice.

But that is not what happened. I am not Alice, though I do wear cute dresses, love the color blue, and, from time to time, wear a headband.

I am mad.

They call it bipolar disorder. I'm type I which means I...

Welcome to Being Beautifully Bipolar

For the millions of people who suffer from bipolar disorder, it is often a misunderstood malady. While the basics of bipolar are pretty well understood by most -- characterized by changing moods from mania to depression -- the in's and out's of living with...