On (not) Being a Mother

Today is Mother's Day. A wonderful day. Unfortunately I am not spending it with my mom, having  just visited her for Easter, but I did get her a few little gifts and made her a card.

Motherhood is a weird thing for me. You see, I don't expect to have my own children. That is my choice. I know that those of you trying to conceive may not understand. I know that those of you who...


Coming Out of the Bipolar Closet

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder in October 2008. I didn't know I was bipolar. I didn't know about mania or mixed episodes. I only knew my old friend depression. But a smart psychiatrist asked the right questions and got the right answer - bipolar 1. I believe my suicide attempt was the result of a mixed episode. I know now that I was manic before taking all those pills and know that...


ABC’s “Black Box” – Take Two

So, I am a bit late to the dance, but I just finished watching last night's Black Box on ABC. (Forgive me for the delay - my beautifully bipolar life happened).

I found this episode So. Much. Better. More believable. More identifiable.

First off with the things I hated:
1. When Catherine tells her therapist she is "an emotional, impulsive, self-destructive lunatic." Now, I myself do not like being called a "lunatic." With that comes this...



I never knew that some people who live with bipolar disorder experience hallucinations - that is, until it happened to me.

I am seeing a new internal medicine doctor and she asked about my bipolar disorder. She asked if I had hallucinations. I said yes. She said "Auditory or visual?" I told her both - but not recently, recently I am well.

The first hallucinations I experienced were rats and bugs 5 years ago, not long after...


Thoughts on ABC’s “Black Box”

In case you missed it, last night was the premier of ABC's new show, "Black Box." In the show a neurologist named Catherine Black, played by Kelly Reilly, has bipolar disorder - and sometimes she doesn't take her meds.

Here's what I like about the show so far:
1. She sees a therapist. I've said it in these blog posts a hundred times (and probably will a hundred more), but cognitive behavioral therapy is super helpful...



This is going to be a short post - it being Easter and all. I wanted to say how important faith is when you are living with a mental illness. I believe in God. Maybe you don't. That's cool.

Alcoholics and Narcotics Anonymous focus on a "Higher Power." I think you need to find you higher power be that Jesus or a God or Allah or a un-religious Higher Power. I wouldn't have made it this...


Dealing with Bipolar Criticism

I was just interviewed for an article that will appear here on Psych Central in the coming weeks. The topic was how to react to dismissive statements about mood disorders. I won't reveal what I had to say in response to the editor's questions (you'll have to wait for that), but thought I would approach it as a whole now.

Being accepted is hard. In kindergarten. In junior high. Freshman year of college. So why...



My right wrist is tattooed with the word "Love." The tattoo faces me. It faces me because I need it to remind me to love myself because, you see, sometimes I forget. It reminds me that God means love. It is a symbol of strength. But if you look closely enough you will see a scar - a line that runs between the "o" and the "v" of the words. It is a...



Adjective: possessing or exhibiting courage or courageous endurance
Noun: a warrior
Verb: to meet or face courageously; to defy; challenge; dare
I am brave. You've told me so, but I also know it deep down in that part of my heart where hope also lives.

When I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder I was not brave. I was scared. I was depressed. I thought my life was over. I thought it was an end.

Turns out it was just a new beginning.

I had a photo shoot this past weekend for a headshot for This...


I don’t mean to ruin things.

(This comes from a chapter titled "Her Arms" of my unpublished memoir).

I don’t mean to ruin things.

In my late twenties something happened. The crazy came. The madness came. A storm blew in and took with it parts of my mind. I haven’t been able to tell if all of it has returned.

I had a best friend. She knew me. She knew me. She hated all the guys I dated because they weren’t...