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General

Take a nap. Life will be here when you wake up.

I was sick again today with the stomach troubles that new medicine has been causing. I found myself lying on the couch and it reminded me of days gone by. When I was very sick - mentally, very sick - I needed rest. It is hard to describe the exhaustion that depression brings. I've likened it before to an elephant sitting on my chest. How strong must I be to keep standing up with an...


Coping Skills

Anxious

I am feeling very anxious.

It was hard to stop washing my hands after one go 'round. It felt so good I wanted to do it again and again and again. I can wash my hands 30 times in a row. But with each turn, my anxiety heightens because I can't stop. It is no longer a decision. It is a compulsion.

It's the same with counting and with cutting.

There is a tightness in my...


Coping Skills

Emotional “buckets”

There are a couple of lines in the television show, "The United States of Tara," (which I highly advise watching on Netflix) which came to mind when I sat down to write this post.

Marshall says, "I'm sorry, but I think my bucket is full," in the midst of a family crisis.
His dad, Max, says, "That's alright, son. I'll hold your bucket for you if you can't."

I'm not as capable as I once was. I used...


General

“Let’s up your Prozac.”

I went to see my therapist and psychiatrist today (two separate people in one office suite). I talked with my therapist about the results of my liver tests and ultrasound and she was proud of the steps I am taking in order to be physically healthy as well as mentally well.

I was kind of dreading seeing my psychiatrist because I worried that with my current liver condition we would have to change my meds -...


General

Sleep & the Bipolar Mind

Sleep is so important to the bipolar mind. I expect that quite a few of you will post comments telling me that you relate. There is some strange connection between getting the right amount of sleep and mania, or even just plain moodiness, for me. Maybe my body feels that lack of sleep is the same as stress, after all, isn't it putting stress on me physically and mentally?

I thought of this as today's topic...


General

Nasty Side Effects

For the past month I have been on a new medication to treat my newly found hypothyroidism. Not a big deal. Take a tiny pill on an empty stomach first thing in the morning with plenty of water. That's all fine and good and my thyroid is probably doing a better job at whatever it is thyroids do, but for the better part of the last month I have had a stomach ache. So...


General

Stress and Bipolar Disorder

Stress and bipolar disorder are a marriage of misery.

My first psychotic break - the suicide attempt in California - was brought on by stress. I was in a new state halfway across the country from where I had been living for years. I was in a new job. I had a new roommate and new flat. Stress is not always bad, sometimes it is the good kind, like finally getting the job you always wanted...


General

Not Okay but Better

This week has been pretty awful.

I spent most of my time in bed. I was emotionally exhausted. This was depression. My old friend had stopped by for a visit because I am worried about my physical health (which we are currently testing).

I did what I was supposed to do: I tried to get in to see my therapist, but she had no cancellations. She did, however, call me twice and check on how...


General

Dark and sour

I laid in bed at noon and stared at my wrists - one a tangle of scars and one with the word "Love" on it. The word is supposed to remind me to love myself, especially on days like today.

Everything just seems sour and dark. My goals seem too far away - like the book will never be published, that the boyfriend will never propose, like I will never slim down these extravagant curves.

I've...