4 thoughts on “When The Ship Goes Down

  • August 23, 2018 at 2:24 am

    I love you, little Sister. Anytime you need me, I’ll be there.

  • August 23, 2018 at 10:36 am

    I am mad men too, same form that Poe when he says: “Men have called me mad; but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence — whether much that is glorious- whether all that is profound — does not spring from disease of thought — from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect. They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night.”

  • August 24, 2018 at 9:36 am

    Unfortunately for me, when my ship goes down, the rats all surround me and tear me to pieces. Whenever I’ve been in a bad way and told people what I was going through, they all turned on me. My former employer and fellow employees, and pretty much every person in my family. They would accuse me of being self centred, and an attention seeking trouble maker. Even when i threatened suicide. I learned that I really have to choose who I talk to about my personal problems wisely.

  • August 25, 2018 at 4:43 am

    I always enjoy reading your posts Elaine. Your down to earth, real, no masks, and that’s refreshing.

    Honestly, opening up to others, if I’d done that right from the start, I don’t feel my life would be much different. People like the happy me, scatter when the depression hits. Its sad, but im very careful who i emotionally invest time in. People are selfish. Yes, bottling the anger, frustration, overwhelming sadness, over the top flirtatious nature or whatever the day brings, people see it. So called friends see it. If they cared they’d ask, “are you ok, can I help?”. Because I’m sick of wearing masks. I don’t care any longer, within reason, what others think. So I don’t interact with others. I ignore them.

    If a marriage mate won’t stick by you, then who will. The most help I’ve found is online. People, so called friends see moods, they don’t look deeper as to what’s behind them. Else they’d ask. You get tired of reaching out only to have a platitude response. Yes, it makes lonely so much worse. No I, in my late 40’s, still haven’t found the answer. One thing I do know, wearing masks for the sake of others means you make friends with those who see the mask, not the real you. Now I am the real me, warts and all. I’ve one good friend and two busted marriages. Its taken a shattered heart several times over to realize I’m fooling myself if I act rather than just be myself.

    Most people, they leave. They want friends who are light and fluffy, always available, fun. Not hard work. People dont know how to be real friends. Sadly that’s nor unique to mental health, but an incitement on society as a whole.

    I can only relate my experiences, which are unique to the Australian Mental Health System. When it comes to the medical profession, stimgma still rules supreme. Your doctor cant read your mind, or anyone who you interact with when seeking help. Finding a pdoc or pnuse who takes you seriously, very difficult. You HAVE to learn to be your own advocate, know your problems, script and bullet point the conversation and results you want. Else you’ll walk in for your appointment, get your bank account drained, and walk out with a script. Then its see you in six weeks. I’ve a few good support people now, purely because I kept pushing. If I felt someone, Pdoc or Pnurse wasn’t taking me seriously, then I’d insist on change. You really do need to be your own advocate and speak up, clear and loud. Being respectfully pushy, brash, forward, blunt, its the only way things change.

    My reply is a bit strong, for that I apologize. I sit here alone with my dog, in a caravan. I’ve lost purpose in life. But it’ll come. Be your own friend first. Its better to be lonely than have a friend who hurts you, or doesn’t try to understand. Its the reason why we only ever find one or maybe two true friends in our lives.


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