One thought on “Being Responsible For Yourself

  • February 24, 2016 at 2:14 pm

    Thank you for sharing. This is excellent advice.
    I didn’t realize how bad my illness could get until I stopped going to the psych doctor and decided to wean myself off the meds, while using a more holistic approach. I went downhill fast. I never had been in serious trouble my whole life until I made this choice about a year ago. I experienced an overwhelming flood of troubling and confusing events all at once. At this time I was living with my parents. I ended up getting into a physical altercation with my mother. After that I got arrested in a violent manner because I struggled. I am still battling the legal consequences of this. I got a no contact with my mother for over 10 months. After being arrested, I was homeless for 3 months. I was kicked out with only the clothes on my back and it took a few weeks to get any of my belongings, including my wallet and cell phone, because of the no contact order. I have never felt so alone in my entire life. I finally found a place to live and ended up getting pregnant soon after. Around this time I decided to engage in more frequent one on one therapy and better medication management. At this time I felt completely lost, unloved, hopeless, severely depressed and broken. During most of this time I was unable to talk to my mother and my family and friends were very distant. I was also afraid to talk to them because I was embarrassed, ashamed, and still confused about what happened. I guess that I was still processing the trauma and I still am.

    Now, I’m about to have my first child and I am definitely really worried and basically scared shitless that this kind of thing could happen again. I have been focusing mostly on taking care of myself, my pets, and the baby in my belly.

    My mother and I have resolved our no contact issue. My boyfriend and father of our child is supportive. I have been integrating other people back into my life slowly, while also keeping healthier boundaries. My main support is my family, mental health counselor, psychiatrist, support group, ob doctor, my attorney, boyfriend, and the few friends that I have left. I currently attend around 3 appointments weekly for support and I am waiting to be accepted into a court ordered mental health program.

    All of this has been hard to cope with, manage, and accept. I don’t want to struggle for the rest of my life, but I will not give up. I just keep living, and I am commited to making the most of what I have.

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