Ah, the day of love. Everywhere there are hearts. Heart balloons. Greeting cards with hearts. This morning at the bakery, you guessed it, heart shaped baked yummies. Red roses. Pink wrapping paper, unless it is an engagement ring, then it is just a dark leather or suede box. Love is in the air.
Or is it? For some of us singletons, myself included, this day can be a bit rough. We want to feel happy for our friends in relationships, but at the same time, it can make our hearts hurt a little. Why aren’t we loved like that? Where are our roses? Where is our box of fattening chocolates? Well, ladies and gents, it just is not our time. Our time will come again when we get all the trapping of Cupid’s holiday. We just have to be patient and wait.
But here is what we do in the mean time, are you ready for the BIG secret? We take stock of all the good things we have going on in our lives that allow us to be proud of ourselves, to love ourselves, because nowhere in the universe does it say that you have to give your Valentine’s Day love to someone else. Shoot, keep it for yourself.
I was down the other day, pretty far in the rabbit hole, and both my mom and my therapist had the same things to say about how much I should be proud of. During those times it felt trite, but once my head was back in the game, I could see their points.
I hate always using myself as an example but I know me better than anyone else so it is pretty easy to pick my own brain. Here are some things that are good in my life and make me love myself.
- I own my home all by myself. Now, I am a messy housekeeper. It is hard to pay the bills most of the time, but I manage to do it every month. And I love it. I have a huge backyard for my two large fur babies to play in. It is a small house, but I don’t take up too much space so it is perfect for me. I am proud. If you own property – a condo, townhouse, brownstone – etc you know the feeling. If you do not that is okay to. It is not for everyone and it took until my mid-thirties that I was able to do so.
- I am a published author. “There Comes a Light: A Memoir of Mental Illness” is my first book and available on Amazon. I am hoping to write a novel next. But I had a goal and it took a few years for me to complete it but the moment you hold your printed book in your hands is magic. No one can take that away from me.
- I have the privilege of writing this blog for you, dear readers, for nearly 4&1/2 years and I am honored when you take time to read and comment.
- I am the pet-parent of two lovely, furry beasts. They are my world. They kiss my tears away. They calm me by letting me stroke their soft fur. They protect me with their size and barks. The last time I considered suicide, I thought of my 10 year old dog that I have had since she was a pup and how she would never know where I had gone. People can talk but no one can explain death to a dog. She saved me.
- My mom reminded me that I had beautiful clothing. Ha! It is true (remember, I have a bachelor’s degree and worked in fashion). I try to look put together when I leave my house. No pajamas at Walmart for me. (Not judging).
Anyway, it is okay to celebrate and love yourself. You should and not just because it is Valentine’s Day. Every one of us has amazing talents and gifts not in spite of our bipolar disorder, but in addition to it. Live your life loving yourself and not just looking for someone to give all your love to.