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How Mental Illness Changed My Life

In  college, I chose to take the apparel design opinion. I really wanted a  to be to write about fashion writer, so I had to didn’t’ now about fashion terms and how things were made. I don’t remember english 101. Did I take it or not, given the choice, I guess not. My naïve young self wrote to editors of fashion and asked them what direction to go – journalism or apparel design. A few actually wrote back. WRITE! These editors all said to do it, so I did. I wrote for the university newspaper and I got a job in  publicity. I shot for the stars.

My first experience was an internship at the high fashion magazine, W. I worked in the wardrobe department. I dealt with clothes all day, fabulous, expensive quality clothing. It was hard, but loved it. not make it.

The following summer was another internship, this one a design internship. This time it was boring. It was cemented in my mind, I wanted to work with clothing.

So, like may dreams began, I moved to New York City with a couple hundred dollars and a dream. That dream ended up as a hostess at Sosa Barella in Midtown. Then, a friend told me about a really good pubic relations company. They were hiring for New York Fashion week. I worked with them fore five seasons. I was fired from Sosa for not being there enough but who cares when you are living the dream.

During this period, I worked for Starbucks.

Finally, I got out. A magazine I always admired be a hired me to be a fashion assistant. I’ll be honest, that job kind of left me on a limb. I mean hell, Starbucks was more lucrative. I left New York City and came home to Oklahoma while scouring for a fashion where I belonged – Manhattan. Then one day I got a call from an editor that if I got the job, I could be there in a week. It all worked out but our pilot magazine. Unfortuntely they pulled the plug and once again I was adrift.

I had set my sight as my next site – Autin, Texas. I found cute little magazine and was interested in working with their team. I may  have badged that boss enough, that was a new spot assistant to the editor which eventualy become assistant editor. Then my boss stopped coming to the office, leaving me the groove to each search and for each, I tried to get fashion spread I could. He eventually fired me for having a blog. It was completely benign.

Don’t worry, dear reader, I moved on. There was another glossy in town and they snatched me up. I was making the same amount of of money, but whatever, I got to go on press travel trips, usually in Caribbean and Mexico. I even went to Stockholm, Sweden, it was so lovely. My boss at the last job got me a radio spot talking about fashion every Friday. I also was the stylst for the press of the MTV Austin.

I quit that job because, quite literally, so stressed that my gut were in knots. I resigned on good terms. I began to work at an elite gym. Selling frames of hard abs and a tight butt. I spent a lot of the time handing out freshly laundered towels. I auditioned to be a VJ  on a new television station. I didn’t get that job, but was hired as a fashion consultant.

Then I started cutting and my cousin was having surgery. So, with a heart of sadness because I knew I was leaving a place I lived, it was back together – family.

After a bit, I began looking online again for a job and snagged it. It was nearly a two thousand dollar raise. But here is where I tried to kill myself and I don’t know why.

Now I know I couldn’t get back into the fashion arena. I am just another woman who loves clothes and accessories. It makes me sad. Don’t you ever try to kill yourself because you just might lose your dreams as well.

How Mental Illness Changed My Life

Elaina J. Martin

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APA Reference
Martin, E. (2018). How Mental Illness Changed My Life. Psych Central. Retrieved on September 29, 2020, from


Last updated: 22 Jul 2018
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