Wednesday and Thursday were bad days. I am under a lot of stress. Serious stress. Life-changing stress. Not only that but smaller stressors. I believe it was Thursday that I called to talk to a counselor at the firm I go to, but it was a snowy day so only the crisis man was in. Dear, dear Richard listened and advised. I’ve talked to him before on such an occasion and he did the same thing – talked me off the ledge. The sky was cloudy even in the dark of night and when I went to bed I thought, “Please don’t let me wake up in the morning. This is too hard. This load is too much to bear. I can not do this.”
I went to bed.
And the sun rose and with it so did my spirits. I was an entirely different mood. I was Elainaj again. I talked to a friend. I was the one cheering her up. I dare say I was what one might consider I was okay. I didn’t want to die. I didn’t want to hurt. I only wanted the stress to go away.
That is how it works. I never, ever know who I am going to be in the morning. I’ve learned to live this way. My friends and family have learned to handle me this way, to encourage me that the worse will soon be over. I don’t always believe them, but you know, usually they are right.