Every day I ingest 20 + pills. over 20 fucking pills just to maintain a normal balance to my life. There are all these people who think they can fix me – professionals, my mom, my grandma, my family in general. Friends chime in their two cents, “Oh, it’ll be fine. This mood will pass like the others before it.”
I am tired of being an experiment. I am tired of scaring people with simple words like ‘bipolar’ or ‘OCD.’ What the hell? I am not scared when you tell me you are having a baby or have diabetes or a broken leg. Compassionate yes, frightened – no.
And yeah, I know the pill thing is outta hand but they really help. I wouldn’t be as stable as I am if I didn’t take them. “Well, have you tried therapy?” Actually yes, for about the last 12 years of my life, and here I am, still not fixed.
I’ll be honest, as many of you beautifully bipolars out there know, sometimes you tire of all the people who are trying to fix you. You just want to be accepted for yourself. Sometimes you long for silence. Sometimes you just want to be left alone, not poked and prodded. I understand, truly I do, dear reader. But like those annoying friends say, you will get to the other side of whatever you are going through. Just swallow the pills and move on.